AAAIIIEEE!!! presents to the horror enthusiast twenty of the best dark fantasy tales of author Jeffrey Thomas (PUNKTOWN), culled from their original appearances in the independent press.From subtle stories of ghosts and encroaching madness to extreme tales of erotic and visceral terror, this collections contents span the breadth of the horror spectrum. In these pages one will encounter: a mysterious channel on a hospital rooms television a concentration camp where the dead may seek retribution a music stars unearthly and distasteful approach to fame a woman in love with a dangerous fallen angel the ghost of an insane parent resurrected by another worldly force. Whether ones appetite runs from the traditional to the experimental, AAAIIIEEE!!! has a dark confection for every trick or treat bag.
AAAIIIEEE!!!
Jeffrey Thomas
All Rights Reserved.
Rat King
I appreciate the drink, my friend, but please don’t take pity on me; those boys meant me no real harm. My face frightens them and bullying me gives them control over their fears. It is easier to be cruel to the maimed, the weak, the cowed. We don’t respect these things, they fill us with disgust…because we don’t want to become them.
And please, don’t feel sorry for me on account of my disfigurement. After all, I did this to myself. Literally, of course. But also, I earned this face. My face changed to match what I had become. It was a miracle that I could fire a bullet from a .455 through the roof of my mouth and live. It is nothing but that; a true miracle. God did not want me dead, my friend. Death would be too quick and merciful. God spared my life through divine intervention so that I could grow old as I have…and suffer the contempt of boys. And suffer my memories of that pit…
When I was a boy myself I once went out on the broken ice of a pond to save a friend’s dog from the water. I might have died, rescuing that animal. How, then, did I become the man I was in 1945? What changes in my heart, in my soul, shaped me…led me…fated me to become an SS guard at the camp of Bergen-Belsen?
Thinking of that dog reminds me of an experience my cousin had while he himself was an Oberschaarfuhrer at Auschwitz. His name would be unknown today, but you Americans glorify some mass murderer who has killed only five, maybe a dozen people. My cousin personally gassed many
He had a wolfhound, a great beautiful animal he told me, and one day the dog had run into a fence while playfully bounding about. The fence carried 6,000 volts and the dog was instantly electrocuted. This dog died just outside one of the crematoriums, where my cousin’s victims were incinerated. While he told me this story his eyes grew moist, I noticed. He blamed himself for the fate of his beloved pet, as he had been throwing a stick for it to fetch. He felt guilty for the animal’s death…outside that crematorium.
But let me tell you about myself, as I started to. Myself, and Belsen…
I understand that after a time the prisoners would no longer smell the stink of death and excrement that reached for miles, reached into the peaceful and lovely town of Belsen like a great tentacled monster which was invisible because the people of the town chose not to see it. We became accustomed to the stench also, though not fully immune, as we did not dwell in those horrid shacks. It was useful that we could still smell the stench. It filled us with repulsion for our charges, and repulsion made it easier to abuse them. It was useful that, starved and sick as they were, the prisoners came to look unearthly; animate skeletons barely sheathed in skin, no longer truly male or female…not so much less than human as other than human. Hideous, ghastly. Their ugliness made it easier for us to treat them as
We manufactured these things at our factory death camps. We were manufacturing obliteration. We unmade people. We meant to unmake cultures, races. It was an ambitious project, one might say.
This was hell as Dante saw it. The prisoners were the damned. And that made me one of the demons. I know that now…
The British came on April 15, 1945, and captured Belsen before we could even hope to do away with all the human evidence. The British saw no grand vision at work here. They were appalled. Great pits were dug. Then, we ourselves were forced to bury the dead. We SS were now the wretched enslaved.
The British could not expect us to bury the dead with dignity; they had to be buried as quickly as possible, there were so many of them, all decaying, and all having lost their individuality in any case. They were all one same tortured soul, in effect, and they all went into one great grave in a jumble, in heaps, in mountains, until at last that vast grave was full of thousands and covered and we went on to the next.
For days we slung the pathetic figures into these pits. Their numbers seemed never to exhaust themselves; our labors, Dante-like, would seem to be eternal. You read of the numbers killed and find it hard to conceive of those numbers as lives. I carried these bodies, I
On the first day of this forced labor I had stumbled back from the lip of the first pit, my uniform soiled with sweat and befouled with human waste and smeared with decay. My shoulders ached, since I had slung bodies over them at times because it was faster than dragging. I mopped my face with a handkerchief, and saw that a British officer was moving toward me. I was weary but a defensive fury was rising in me. He was going to order me back to work and I was going to tell him to go to hell, even if he whipped me with his pistol for it.
But instead of drawing his revolver, the officer produced a tin of cigarettes and extended it to me. I nodded with a grunt meant to sound polite, and accepted one, which he also lit for me. Then the man dropped his gaze into the pit as he inhaled on his own cigarette. His eyes were squinted in revulsion, as if they half wanted to close and shut the scene out.
He said to me in English, “How could you people do this?”
“We didn’t murder these people,” I told him.
He looked to me suddenly; at first I thought he was surprised that I spoke English, but then I realized he was shocked at the words I had spoken.
“What do you mean, you didn’t kill them?”
“They starved. And most of them were very sick. This camp was intended originally to house privileged Jews with Allied nationality. American, British nationality.” I nodded at him. “Conditions here were very good. But this winter they began transporting great numbers of prisoners here from…elsewhere…” Elsewhere meant the camps of Sachsenhausen, Natzweiler, Mittelbau and others. Like Auschwitz. “We became hopelessly over-crowded. Conditions necessarily worsened. And they made us a center to receive sick prisoners, mostly. So it was these conditions that killed the people you see. We did not exterminate them.”
“How can you look me in the face and say that, man? If…if you were to abandon a newborn infant in the forest, you’d be murdering it through neglect. Murder is murder. You’re only insulting my intelligence and your own.”
I shrugged, drew on my cigarette. The taste of smoke helped mask the stench of death that had even coated the inside of my mouth. “You will be murdering us by exposing us like this so closely to these rotting diseased bodies.”
“A fate well deserved, my friend, I’m sure. And some of you we will murder quite consciously, I assure you. On the gallows.”
“Yes, of course you will. So don’t look down on me, ‘my friend’. You murder for your purposes, we murder for ours; as you say, murder is murder.”
Again my words made the British officer gape at me. “Ten thousand unburied dead, we estimate here. Three hundred dropping dead every day, I’m told. No, SS man, don’t think to compare your motivations to ours.”
“You have your notions of justice, and we have ours. It’s what makes the world so colorful.” And I grinned broadly.
“Colorful. Yes. Blood red.”
I had expected the man to strike me, then, but he was still too much a gentleman, too British. He simply strode away. And I turned back to my labors.
I was going to flick the end of my cigarette into the pit but my eyes locked with the foggy yet weirdly direct gaze of a young man down there, and oddly, I dropped it to my feet and stamped it out instead.
* * *
The next day I was actually down in the pit, spreading the dead out more evenly, as they tended to clump up where those above pitched them. At last I was relieved, picked my way not too delicately through the carpet of bodies and climbed up and out. Waiting there was my friend from the previous afternoon, the British officer. My earlier words did not dissuade him from offering me another cigarette.
I had no doubt he had sought me out specifically, and now I understood why. It amused me somewhat but I was careful not to show this. The man was a homosexual, as we liked to claim all British men were, in addition to their all being alcoholics. I knew this because I was very handsome then, my friend…yes, it is ironic now indeed. I had been told all my life how beautiful I was. Heroic, god-like, my admirers had gushed; but for my dark hair I was the Aryan ideal. Many times I had seen women act in this man’s manner…seeking me out after an initial meeting, trying to make it look accidental, casual, trying to seem aloof but churning inside with desire so that I felt the vibration of their lust in the air between us. Even now in this horrid air I felt it.
And maybe that was part of it. You know? Death has a strange glamour, even in its most hideous forms. Your beloved serial killers, as I say. I think it was subconscious with this individual. I’m certain that outwardly he truly was appalled at our crimes, and agonized at the loss of lives. I am not saying he condoned our actions. But I think he was drawn to the darkness he perceived in me. The allure of the dangerous hidden under the beautiful. No, don’t be naive, don’t protest. It goes beyond mere morbid fascination; it’s the seductiveness of evil. Look at the new Nazis you Americans have. Your Klan. Your obsession with us real Nazis in films for decades! You find us as beautiful, our uniforms as glamorous, as did the most devout of us! We love villains, criminals. Gangsters. Monsters. We all have that inside us, after all. Maybe it’s our way of accepting that side of us.
He appeared properly contemptuous, anyway, standing there in his neat, unstained uniform. “Now you need a shower, SS man. Now you stink. Now you have lice, no doubt.”
“And maybe typhus.”
“Good. How do you think the people in some of those barracks have felt? I went into one that I could only stand in for less than a minute, on account of its stench. The living people lay amongst the dead people and I couldn’t tell them apart. They were too weak to move, most of them. Many were in a coma. Just covering the floor. How do you think they have felt lying there?”
“I don’t think those individuals really feel much of anything any more. But they came here sick, most of them. Already sick, as I’ve told you.”
“Oh, how innocent you are. How could even one human being let this happen? Do you know that if we all had true empathy for one-another, could do something so simple as put ourselves in each other’s shoes, there would be no murder, no war, and no inhumanity?” He gestured with his cigarette into the vast grave. “Look there, my friend. You see that woman? She could be your wife. She could be your sister.”
I smiled. “I have neither.”
“Don’t be so bloody smug, you bastard. You know what I’m saying. She could be your mother, your daughter, she could be
“But she isn’t. She’s a Jew. She’s a woman. She’s down there and I’m up here.”
“Your positions will some day he reversed.”
“On Judgment Day, eh?” I chuckled mockingly. I knew I shouldn’t provoke his anger, repulse him. Perhaps I could use his attraction to my advantage. My pride aside, I would rather have become his secret lover than hang. But I didn’t think he would ever chance an outright relationship with me. Still, I knew I should try to benefit myself from the situation, to flirt with him, beguile him, in the same way I had skillfully mesmerized women. After all, I had consciously enthralled ugly women, women I wouldn’t have slept with. In my vanity, I simply enjoyed the attention. The power. Looking back now, I wonder if my flirtation with the officer was motivated less by my attempt to better my situation than it was by this feeling of power. Maybe it made me feel superior to the man, less a prisoner. I was still a Nazi then, of course. I still believed in mastering others.
In any case, when the officer proffered another cigarette and lit it for me, I lightly cupped my hands around his. I felt a slight tremor flinch through him at this contact but he didn’t jerk his hands away. He was indeed smitten, and he was indeed afraid of me, which I think made him more smitten.
Both of us said nothing for several minutes as we watched others drop one emaciated being after another over the side, like mummies being reinterred, but without the finery. I flicked a louse off my arm; the officer had been right. Parasites. We had called the Jews parasites. Vermin to be exterminated with no more compassion than we would feel spraying insects, or killing rats.
These conversations, philosophical as they were, put me in mind of our motivations as Nazis, brought to mind the analogy of vermin. And seeing the interlaced arms and legs, the entwined skeletal bodies below, made my thoughts take another leap. But a very strange one, unsettling. I shuddered unaccountably; it was the first time staring into the pit, staring at the heaped corpses, actually brought out goose flesh on my arms.
“Have you ever heard,” I asked my new-found friend, “of Rat Kings?”
We looked at each other; he said, “No.”
“My grandmother told me about them. Of course, it’s always grandmothers who tell you such things. In any case, she told me that when rats were more plentiful amongst us than they are today, sometimes in a nest of rats a Rat King would be found. This was a group of say a dozen rats or more, whose tails had all tangled together so that they couldn’t pull apart, with their heads all facing outwards. Because they were stuck together like this they couldn’t move very far, and were often found pitifully starving or already dead. They seemed like many-headed monsters to those who found them, and that was why they were thought of as Rat Kings. Did you know there is a Rat King in
“Yes…that’s right. But all this about rats with their tails knotted up sounds like wives’ tales and nonsense.”
“Perhaps it is, though my grandmother swore to me that such things were truly discovered. As a child she herself had a neighbor who supposedly found one in their barn consisting of two dozen rats, which was why she told me about all this. It could be that huddling together in the winter, it was their own frozen urine that was linking their tails together. In any case, only the attic rat, as we Germans call them, have been found as Rat Kings. These are the black rats. They’re smaller and more rare than the brown rat…mostly because the bigger and stronger brown rats have preyed on them and diminished their numbers greatly. Nearly wiped them out. The brown rats are the more successful and superior species.”
“An interesting science lesson. But why would only the weaker black rats get bound up into these Rat Kings, then?”
I shrugged, smiled enigmatically. “One of the many mysteries of life, friend.”
The officer drew up closer to me, and thus nearer to the edge of the pit. He gazed down into it on today’s cairn of corpses, one hand cupped over his lower face as a filter. “Here’s a mystery of life for you. I just can not
I looked. Her arms flung, her legs spread. Her patch of pubic hair seemed too large for her skeletal frame. It was so bluntly exposed. Probably swarming with lice. Pubic hair and sunken eye sockets were the black areas that showed up most against all the masses of white torsos and limbs. There was something very disturbing, even I had to admit at that moment, in seeing so many naked figures so shamelessly exposing private parts that in life they would have shyly hidden. Had these same women been alive and healthy, seeing them naked and sprawled on a bed would have aroused me greatly. This motionless orgy of plaited cadavers, however, made me wonder how I would feel the next time a woman spread herself for me. Would memories of these images get in the way of my view? Would I fear that black nest of hair? Fear its smell of rot, and the lice hiding there in wait for me?
I grew irritated with myself. What effect was this delicate British fop having on me? Was I actually letting him stir feelings of guilt in me, with his admonishments?
My contempt for him at this moment gave me the perverse desire to exploit his interest in me further, to manipulate him as he was seeking to manipulate me. I reached out and picked a piece of lint from his jacket’s breast. He stepped back from me, a look of potential alarm in his eyes, but I showed him the lint before I blew it off my fingers. I then lightly patted the place on his breast where I had plucked the lint, as if dislodging some dust that actually wasn’t there.
“A handsome uniform, my friend,” I told him.
“Thank you.”
“It makes me embarrassed for you to see me this way. Filthy, sweaty. I take pride in my appearance. I wish I could talk to you clean and smelling properly, like a human being.”
“I’m sure I prefer you this way. I have no interest in seeing you in your SS uniform.”
“As I say, we both wear uniforms. We both do our jobs. But if we were both naked right now, we would both be the same, wouldn’t we? Not German, not English. Not demon and angel. Just two men. Together. Talking.” And I spread a slow smile for him, like the bearded smile between a woman’s legs.
I saw his adam’s apple bob once. It gave me a weird satisfaction. I felt more in control again, after my stumble of guilt.
“I know you despise me, my friend,” I told him, “but I, in fact, enjoy your company. I respect you and enjoy talking with you. Perhaps this evening after I have bathed and changed I could join you for a cigarette and some more stimulating conversation? Then I would feel less ashamed of my condition.”
“It sounds to me as though you mean to trick me, SS man, and take me off guard. Grab for my pistol. Hold me hostage and try to escape.”
“Oh, come now. Are you afraid of me? We can meet in full view of others. The guards, your men. But if you’d rather not, then so be it…”
“I’ll come and get you. I find you unpleasantly…educational. But if you try anything foolish I promise you I will put a bullet through your head.”
“Thank you. I look forward to conversing with you more as a gentleman.”
“You can bathe and change, sir, but you will still not be a gentleman, and you will still have every right to be ashamed of your condition.”
Yes, I thought, but you’ll still keep that date, won’t you? And your heart will be beating heavier as you come to search me out…
I had no intention of attempting escape. Of inflicting harm on him. As I told you, I just wanted to see if I could use him to my benefit. And I liked to see his adam’s apple bob.
* * *
My officer fetched me after dinner, after the sun had set. Lights washed the camp, leaving few dark corners, and he must have felt safe enough to stroll with me. Straight off he had given me one of his cigarettes, and while he lit it for me a soldier patted me down for hidden weapons. As we walked off I asked him, “Did your superiors ask why you were permitting me this pleasant liberty?”
“I told them you were talkative. They asked me to write down what you tell me in my report.”
I laughed. “Will you write about Rat Kings?”
“I may have to, but I was hoping you would tell me more in depth what your people did here and at the other camps. The death camps.”
“I have never been to one of these alleged death camps, sir.”
“Listen, I can take you back and let you be hanged with all your knowledge intact. Or maybe you can be cooperative and make things easier for yourself.”
Ah, so this was how he had justified our date to himself. He was going to question me as part of an investigation. He was going to probe the criminal mind. I remember how amused I was at his desperate attempt to rationalize or excuse his interest in me. As earnestly as I could sound, thus amused, I told him, “Sir, I am only a simple soldier. I acted on orders. The vision I followed was that of men far removed from me. But I can tell you what my responsibilities were, as that soldier. I can cooperate to that extent. But if I am to hang…well…what would be the point in helping you?”
“Your superiors will no doubt hang. I hardly think we will hang every last guard and soldier; we are not barbarians like you fiends are. I was only trying to frighten you.”
“Well, I am relieved. I will help you. But you have to promise to protect me. Please.” I stopped to face him, and he faced me. We were still within view of posted British soldiers, but were too far for anyone to hear our words. “Please protect me…”
“Write down a full report of your activities here. Everything you learned about operations, your superiors, anything you think would be valuable to us. You’ve seen the film crew. We need to make the world believe this horror really happened. Maybe in some small way you can exonerate yourself.”
“And you will take care of me?”
“I told you; I’ll do all I can.”
I took his hand and clasped it in both of mine. Squeezed it. He stood silhouetted against a flood lamp; had his adam’s apple shifted? “What is your name, my friend?” I asked softly, still holding his hand.
In a hesitant, uncertain voice, he told me. But I will not tell you what he said. He was a fine officer. A good man. I would not want to sully his reputation, even if he might be dead now. I was trying to corrupt him, confuse him. I was finding vulnerable places in him. It is my reputation that should be sullied. I am the one who should feel embarrassed.
We strolled on, smoked another cigarette. He walked, I noticed, so that his holstered revolver was on the far side of him. His nervousness, his tension, was electric in the air but I don’t think he was really nervous that I would assault him.
Why did we walk at last to the pit? Remember, I had become immune to much of the stink of Belsen, but my companion surely hadn’t. I think now that we ended up there because it was as deserted a place as the camp had to offer. It left us in intimacy. And thus far, the pits had been the place of our rendezvous. Like a garden where lovers meet.
This particular pit had not been filled to capacity, that evening, so it had not yet been plowed over by the bulldozers. It gaped as a huge crater, and was black except for the far wall, where one flood beam slanted into it. There were thousands of people down at our feet, and yet we felt alone.
“Here we are, drawn back to the nightmare,” I had to remark. “It fascinates you.”
“It horrifies me! I can’t comprehend it!”
“Yes. But it fascinates you. Just as you find me interesting. Perhaps fascinating.”
“I find you disgusting.”
“But you met me tonight,” I said in a near whisper, stepping so close to the man I’m sure he felt the breath of my words on his cheek.
I heard him swallow. It amused me, but I think my game of seduction had begun to consume me, really. By projecting those energies toward him, I believe I had actually started to become aroused by the game. His reactions to my manipulation were giving me a very odd gratification. My attempt to dominate him was resembling those times I had coaxed some young girl out of her virginity. The desire in her, but the fear. Then the succumbing…
I am not a homosexual. And yet, at that moment, a hungry warmth spread through my lower body and it was almost dizzying. So I reacted to it, without thinking. If I thought anything at all, I suppose I justified my actions to myself as an attempt to seduce him utterly, so that he would let no harm come to me. That’s what I told myself then. But I know now it was the warmth in my belly.
What I did, you see, was step even closer to him, and press my lips onto his lips. I reached one hand down to lightly cup his testicles. My tongue began to slide into his mouth, where the taste of our cigarettes mingled.
But it was only an instant, and then the blow under my jaw sent my head back with a snap. I had bitten my tongue badly. Light filled my vision as if a spotlight had fallen on my face. In his fury, the officer had struck me with incredible force.
Thus dazed, I stumbled back from him. And in stumbling back, I toppled into the pit.
I rolled down the dirt incline. Then I sprawled on my belly across the floor of the pit. And the floor of the pit was an ocean of bodies. An ocean of stench. Totally dark. It was more the bottom of an ocean, and the stench was drowning me, filling my lungs. One of my boots had wedged between several bent limbs, and in thrusting out my hand it slipped off a set of ribs and slid into a space between bodies so that my arm became buried to the shoulder. I grunted, spat blood, fought to extricate my arm and roll over, tangled as I was.
A hand brushed my cheek. It was light, a caress, then gone. But I hadn’t imagined it. In my fall I had caused the heaped bodies to shift, I thought…for a body then flopped onto the backs of my legs. It must have tumbled from a bit higher up the slope.
I couldn’t hear the officer up there. Had he stormed off in disgust, embarrassed, enraged? Had he thought I deserved nothing more than to be left down here, where a monster like me belonged? I had not been able to roll over yet to look. As I struggled to do so, another body sprawled onto my back and the back of my head, pressing my face down against flesh. Pressing my lips against flesh. I made a convulsive effort, at that point, to jerk my buried arm free.
I jerked, but it resisted. Something down below me in the heap had snagged the cuff of my sleeve.
Fingers, it must be…bent into claws in death, I thought. The idea horrified me; hooked claws or not, I should be able to rip my arm free. But I couldn’t when I tried again. And now a terrifying idea came to me. A vision born of my growing desperation as it approached panic. I imagined that it wasn’t fingers that had caught hold of my sleeve…but teeth.
A hand slid across the left side of my face, one finger trailing teasingly into my ear as it went, and I screamed.
I rolled onto my back with a surge of strength, a burst of adrenaline, and in so doing it seemed I upset an entire hill of corpses looming just beside me, for the hill then toppled over me, and what I saw of the night sky for a moment was eclipsed when I was suddenly and utterly buried beneath a languid, rubbery avalanche of the dead.
I had watched that mass of bodies descend, as if in slow motion. It was a heavy and crushing blob of darkness woven from frail scarecrow figures. It had descended on me like one many-armed creature, but this pile was only a part of the creature, I realized…and I was screaming again, at the knowledge. Clawing, squirming, desperate for breath as I realized that the bodies beneath me were also a part of this creature. The bodies all around me. Linked, locked, braided and meshed. They were all weak as individuals, but as this one unified form they had become amazingly strong, and they had trapped me. And their intent, of course, was to absorb me into the mass. To make me one of them, and thus a part of
I blubbered crazily for help. The weight seemed only to press me down deeper. Were more of them from either side moving in waves to pile further atop me? Were dead bodies not yet dragged from the barracks now slithering across the camp on their bellies and toppling themselves into the pit?
A girl’s long hair had fallen across my throat, her face nuzzled into my shoulder. A bush of pubic hair ground against my forehead in a terrible moist kiss. Fingers had hooked in the back of my shirt collar, the nails lightly scraping my skin. I shrieked and began to sob outright, hopelessly, like a woman, lifted my neck as best I could away from those nails…but my cheek pressed against the sharp ridge of a spine barely painted in skin.
It was as though the sharp bones above and below me were fangs that meant to impale me, fanged jaws that meant to rend me, devour me.
They’re not all dead, I reasoned in an effort to remain sane. That was it! The officer had pointed it out himself. In the barracks, the dead lay thick upon the floors mixed in with the living so that you could not tell one from the other. Living people must have been thrown into the pit with the dead in our haste to finish all the burying. That was why the hands seemed so purposely to be reaching to me, taking hold of me. That was why the cadavers seemed to have intentionally rolled atop me, covered me…
That some of the bodies were alive is not very possible, but it may be. True or not, it didn’t comfort me much. Was it that the living mixed in with the dead sought to have revenge upon me…or that the pale starved spirits of all those dead had somehow merged into one powerful entity? Both possibilities were equally hideous—rational or supernatural. Because either way, I was helpless. Either way, they would have their revenge.
Because I was never getting out. I was going to suffocate, or my chest would be crushed, or my heart would burst, or that hand at the back of my neck and others were going to curl around my throat at any moment…
Nails raked down my face. I squeezed my eyes shut as the nails clawed my eyelid. I wanted to die at that moment, my friend. Right then. Before the other nails came. And the strangling hands. And the teeth. I wanted it over with because the officer had had his revenge on me, too—he had abandoned me—and I would never escape this pit.
The bodies were churning atop me, moving more actively, and a hand took hold of my arm in an unmistakable grip.
Then the pressure eased from my chest and I looked up to see a face hovering above me, the eyes glittering, the teeth grimacing. A flashlight beam fell upon my face. More bodies were lifted off me, and I realized this was the reason for the feeling of activity above me. More hands took hold of me. I was passed up to other men, all British. I pawed crazily at the dirt slope of the grave, in my frenzy probably hindering their efforts to rescue me.
“What happened?” I heard one man ask. “Did he attack you?”
“No,” I heard my officer say. “He just…fell.”
Those were the last words I heard from him, as the man never spoke to me again.
I was out now, standing on the edge of the pit. I had been rescued from hell. I turned to look back down, and in the new lights I could see the creature. It had many eyes, some catching the light. I saw many mouths, smiling in that odd little expression of faint amusement so often seen on the dead.
What I did then was inexplicable. Like kissing my British officer. But I had been driven mad. It didn’t matter that I had been rescued. The monster was smiling at me, staring at me, it knew it had shattered my mind and my soul and its will was strong, it commanded me to give myself to it. It would have me yet. It was the only way to exonerate myself, to repent, to pay for my sins. The British would not execute me. I must execute myself…
And I had to die, I felt, as I reached out to my officer and snatched the revolver from his holster. Dying was the only way I was ever going to escape those eyes.
And dying was the only way to empathize with it in the way the monster demanded of me.
The soldiers clawed at my arms to stop me from thrusting the barrel in my mouth. Maybe that was why the bullet went wrong, up through my nose and into my eye socket rather than into my brain. Or, as I have suggested, it may have been the will of God that I should not have escaped my punishment so neatly.
I never much believed in God or in punishment, until after I had met that officer. Until after I had met that monster.
They are a monster in your country, aren’t they? Numerous and unified, rich and powerful. Can I blame them? They are a monster in Israel, smaller but tougher and with very sharp teeth. I have a deathly fear of both countries. Of their retribution. Monsters always turn on their makers.
You think I’m still insane, the way I’m talking. That after that night I never regained my sanity. But I did, my friend. I am sane now. In fact, I didn’t really go mad when I fell in the pit. It was up until that point—before I fell—that I was insane.
And maybe I was saved when they pulled me out of that hell. Maybe my eternal soul has been burned clean. But maybe not.
So that is my story. I see you don’t believe certain mysteries I’ve suggested. Just as the British officer didn’t believe me about the Rat Kings. And now that you know my past, you find me repellent, as he did. Repulsive, now that you know the truth about me. You can call me a demon, a monster. Something other than human. Just like we called the Jews and the rest. Anything, so long as you can say that I’m not a man like you.
Yes, you found my story a trifle unpleasant, eh? But like my officer…you wanted to listen.
Chapel
“You want TV tonight, honey?” A small gray-haired woman with a clipboard came walking into Devin’s room so quickly that it startled her. She had been gazing out the plate glass window which ran along one wall.
“Yeah…sure,” Devin said.
The woman inserted a key into the small color television suspended from its bracket, swivelled it so that the set was within Devin’s reach. “Watch a few Christmas specials, honey; take your mind off.”
“You work on Christmas eve, huh?” Devin asked with very little interest.
“My kids are grown and moved away, and my folks and brother are dead. I have one son right over in New Hampshire but he can’t come to see his mother until tomorrow night. He isn’t even married…but he chooses to be with his girlfriend’s family.”
Don’t complain about your son, Devin thought. At least yours is still alive.
“How much is that?” With a small groan she reached for her purse. The woman told her, and Devin counted out five dollars. “Expensive.”
“Well, there are four pay-per-view movies on every day, honey.” While the woman made notations on her clipboard Devin turned the dial through the small offering of stations. The woman said, “When I get home tonight I’ll watch the midnight mass. You should, too, hon…it will make you feel more at peace, y’know?”
I doubt that, Devin thought, so devout an atheist that she doubted even the historical existence of Christ, let alone the son of God part. “What is this?” she asked, coming to one channel. “Is this where they show the mass?”
The woman leaned over Devin to peek. “Oh no, I mean on regular channel Five. That’s hospital channel Eight—
“Five dollars, and one out of what—eight? ten?—stations is a security camera view of an empty church.” Devin snorted a tired little laugh.
To be so simple a soul, Devin thought. She smiled at the woman. “Merry Christmas. Nice to talk to someone. You seem to be the only person working tonight.”
The woman drew closer conspiratorially. “Don’t get sick on a weekend or Christmas eve, hon. I feel bad for you that tonight it’s both. Not even a room-mate, huh? What are you in for, honey?”
“My baby died.”
“Aww. Oh, poor kid. I had a miscarriage once. How far along? Few months?”
“Yeah. Few.”
“It’s hard, honey, but it’s God’s will. We don’t understand His plan, but…maybe the baby wasn’t forming right. Most miscarriages are because of that. Or maybe he would have died some terrible way when he was older, and God spared him worse. It’s a mystery.”
“Yeah.”
The woman squeezed Devin’s foot through the blanket. “Be tough, hon. And merry Christmas.”
“Thanks.”
The woman took Devin’s hand and pushed her five dollars back into it. She winked, and left the room at that same hurried pace. Devin almost felt the urge to call her back, and a moment later she began to sob quietly but heavily, as if she had been abandoned. She felt not only physically hollowed out inside, with her baby gone, but that her very spirit had been hollowed out as well.
Few months? No. Devin had been full term. Her due date had been next Tuesday.
Intrauterine strangulation. Her child had been killed with his very own life line. Not even two weeks before, a nurse practitioner upon examining Devin had told her everything was okay. The baby’s heart had sounded strong. Devin had heard it herself. “Slow,” the nurse had said. “Could be a boy.” She had been right. Devin had picked the name Christopher, if it were to be a boy.
Should she call Christopher’s father? Peter was way out in sunny California these days. He didn’t even know that she’d been pregnant. First the good news…now the bad news. But to Peter, which would be the good news and which the bad news? Would the death of his son be a tragedy, or a relief?
How could Devin know, when she had struggled with such questions herself these past months? Was it a folly, going through with this pregnancy? Was this really what she wanted…to be a single mother?
Maybe I should have had an abortion after all, Devin thought now. It would have been the same result. Only, she wouldn’t have had to go through twelve hours of labor had he only been two months old. Twelve hours of agony. Women coped with the pain because they knew there was a reward at the end. But Devin had suffered those many long hours already knowing that in the end only a different kind of agony would be her prize.
I’m sorry, Christopher, she thought. I should have killed you a long time ago. I would have saved us both the pain…
She couldn’t afford a plot for him, a coffin. Some people did that. But in her customer service job she made barely enough to scratch by. What would they do with him? She had to ask them…but at the same time she didn’t want to know.
She had held him. They encouraged that, thought it helped with the coping. His face had looked so tired, so unhappy, as if he had merely been disturbed from his peaceful slumber within. Devin didn’t think it helped her to have seen him. She wished she had never seen how beautiful he was. Had never smelled his wispy fine hair, making a spiral on the back of his head as if God had left his thumb print there.
Keep Your hands off my kid, asshole, Devin thought, unbeliever though she was. You condemned my son and hung him. Even if I did believe in You, I’m through believing now.
How could that stupid old woman believe? How could she think that Devin could find comfort in the empty dronings of some sexually repressed priest? “God’s will.” Devin would have resented the woman for that, if she weren’t feeling so very tired. Tired and unhappy. Just like Christopher.
* * *
How often did it actually snow on Christmas eve? Well, it was snowing out there now, but she was in here. Not home. But what was home these days? Peter long gone. Her father dead and her mother remarried to that dick Phil, both in Florida for the winter. She hadn’t called her mother. Didn’t want to spoil her holiday. Didn’t want to talk about Christopher. This was her private ordeal. She was glad all the doctors were gone, all the nurses inattentive. She wanted to be alone. Still, she saw colored lights glowing out there beyond the dozing dark parking lot with its few cars, shrouded like old furniture. There were children in those homes, dreaming of the morning.
She missed that stupid little TV lady. TV. That’s what she needed—distraction. Hopefully something really mindless; a Kung Fu flick, a Godzilla movie. She pulled the hovering set down closer to her, turned up the volume a bit. Six-twenty; early enough for some dumb old Christmas cartoon, maybe. Ah; on the special movie station they were playing a Christmas movie starring that redneck Ernest guy. Perfect.
A nurse brought dinner. It was better than she would have thought. Another nurse came to read her blood pressure, take her temperature. Devin told her she was fine, just to get rid of her, but afterwards regretted that she’d forgotten to ask what would be done with her baby. She considered buzzing, decided not to. She still wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She hadn’t wanted to know what became of her cat Sting last year after he had to be put to sleep. If only she had him to come home to. Not even that…
After the Ernest movie, Devin clicked through the channels again, and paused out of mild curiosity when she reached channel Eight. Taped religious music played softly as a background to the one static camera angle of the St. Andrew’s Hospital chapel. The camera was apparently close to the ceiling, pointing down toward the altar. No lights were on in the chapel, but for one candle just to the left edge of the screen, its glow more visible than the flame itself. The scene was so dim, so grainy, that Devin watched it a few moments if only to discern what she was seeing. She saw the first two or three pews at the bottom of the screen but had no idea how many there might be altogether. An aisle between them led to a slightly raised dais, where a block shape must have been the draped altar table. In back of that were three thrones, as Devin thought of them, the one behind the table particularly tall. That was all she could be sure of. There seemed to be a podium set off to one side and a door in the corner, but it was just too murky. It was as lonely a place as this hospital room with its one occupied bed.
Though she was not religious, and though her musical tastes ran more toward The Cure, Devin liked Gregorian chants and medieval music, so the background of very old Christmas music was agreeable to her. She left
* * *
Devin awoke to silence. A glance to the wall clock; it was ten-fifty. She’d slept for hours, but given her day, she was surprised it hadn’t been longer. The lack of music finally registered, and she looked to the TV.
Off down the hall somewhere, a baby cried. This was postpartum recovery, and a woman must have had her baby brought to her for nursing. The nursery was down the hall, but the babies in there were few tonight and quiet behind their glass wall. Devin was glad for that.
Out the window, the snow had become thick, muffling the world under a caul.
Devin was thirsty, and buzzed the nurse’s station. No reply after five minutes. She didn’t ring it again, reluctant to spoil their Christmas eve down there. If she got thirsty enough there was a bathroom in here, although she knew getting out of bed was discouraged.
She switched through the TV channels. Jimmy Stewart was praising Clarence. A stupid dating game of wall-to-wall innuendoes. On the movie channel,
Searching, she passed channel Eight again, on to channel Nine, but she switched abruptly back.
Was that a person seated in the front pew, on the left?
Devin frowned. Yes, had to be, though the dark shape’s stationary pose didn’t help her much. Some old patient gone into the chapel for a bit of comfort? Must be. It looked as though the person was a woman wearing a kerchief on her head…unless that was a nun’s habit.
Well, this development hardly made channel Eight any more exciting. Devin moved on…
A nurse came in to take Devin’s vitals again. Once more, Devin did not inquire about her baby’s whereabouts. The young woman asked, “Can I get you anything?”
“I wouldn’t know where to begin,” Devin said. “Lonely in here tonight, huh?”
“It’s real nice and quiet up here, but I hear there was a horrible scene down in emergency. This young woman was brought in…dead on arrival. Somebody strangled her.”
“Strangled?”
“Yeah. Horrible. They said the cord cut right into her neck. They don’t know who did it. Scary. Glad I don’t live in this town.”
“I guess.”
The nurse left, and Devin frowned at the doorway after her. Strangled. Yes…horrible.
It was now eleven-fifteen, and Devin again grew restless with the meager offerings on TV, jaded as she was by cable. She switched around the dial. In so doing, she grew curious about whether that woman was still praying in the chapel.
There were several figures in the pews now. Three? Four? Devin wasn’t sure in that grainy gloom. But at least two of the newly-seated people seemed also to be nuns. Well, it was St. Andrew’s Hospital. Was there to be a midnight mass, after all?
Even as Devin watched, that indistinct door in the corner opened and a figure moved out of it, a shadow against shadows. It drifted to the altar. The priest, no doubt. But when were they going to put the lights on? Maybe this was yet another nun, judging from the conical look of the head. Well, whatever…Devin lost interest again, flicked forward to Eleven.
The news was on. A space heater fire had killed three children. Merry Christmas. Devin hurried onward. Where was Ernest when you needed him?
A distant baby wailing again. Devin was tempted to get out of bed to go close her door, but she had had an episiotomy to facilitate delivery and the pain-killers had diminished. Soon enough, however, the crying faded away.
God, even the poor offering of channels conspired to narrow her world, aggravate her sense of isolation, of being trapped in this bed. She clicked through the selections, impatiently going in circles. Seven again, Eight…
Pious assholes, she thought; something was indeed up tonight. She watched the silent scene. Where was the sound? What comfort was watching services if you couldn’t hear them? Might a microphone be on but the people in the chapel so quiet that their movements were inaudible?
A few new shadowy forms were gliding out of that vague door in the corner, slipping into the pews. The priest or nun was now sitting at his throne behind the altar, resting perhaps until everyone arrived. Was that the bottom of a great cross above his head? Was it an all-denominations chapel? Devin hoped so; where would Jews, Buddhists, Muslims take their comfort, otherwise? Only because it was Christmas eve and this a hospital founded by Catholics did she assume it was a Christian service.
Devin glared at them, her fingers on the dial. Sure, celebrate the birth of a baby born two thousand years ago…but my son is in hell right now, according to you, because he didn’t live long enough to have a little water sprinkled on his head.
Some would say only limbo, not hell. How comforting. The bottom line was, the unbaptized infant didn’t die in God’s good graces. Born with the sin of the world already in him…baptism a kind of exorcism. Wasn’t that how it went? Do something compassionate, you elitist scum, she mentally raged at the screen. Baptize my baby. Cleanse him of these so-called sins so he can be free. Go on—you’ve got your magic water in there, don’t you?
Good thing she didn’t really believe he was cursed to some void…damned to eternal suffering. That would be a horror too great for her to recover from, short of remaining in a hospital of another sort forever.
Eleven thirty-five now. She was not at all tempted to go down to the end of maternity to the chapel and sit in on their midnight mass…but maybe, just maybe, she’d watch it on TV. Just for the hell of it.
* * *
A woman sobbed softly, in forlorn moans. Devin was awakened by the sound, her first thought having been that it was the voice of a woman in another room, a woman who had lost her baby tonight. Then she wondered if perhaps it had been her own voice. But also, for some odd reason, she had the impression that the sound had come from the speaker of her television. However, that was impossible, of course, because there was still no sound coming from channel Eight.
Devin sat up. Apparently mass had not yet begun; the pews she could see were nearly full, though the lights had yet to be brought up. She glanced to the time. Eleven-fifty.
Ah, something was happening now. A robed figure proceeded up the central aisle toward the dais, carrying something behind him. Another figure had its end, as if it were a stretcher they transported between them. Indeed, it looked like a stretcher. Were they bringing in some poor old woman who couldn’t walk to mass? Why not a wheelchair, then?
God, Devin thought. Perhaps this wasn’t a Christmas mass after all…but a funeral mass. The shape upon the stretcher the two figures carried resembled nothing so much as a human body covered entirely by a sheet.
She pulled the TV nearer, squinting at the screen. Shut off her personal light, the resultant gloom making the image slightly clearer. Watched as the stretcher was brought up upon that stage. They lifted the sheet reverently, like a flag folded at a military funeral, and spread it out on the floor at the foot of the altar. Then the body—yes, it was a body—was lifted from the stretcher and laid upon the sheet on the floor.
Granted, Devin was not a religious person, but she had never heard of this ritual before.
The figures set a candle at the head of the body, another at the feet, and lit them. The light didn’t do much to illuminate the chapel or its congregation, but it did define the body on the floor a bit better. Devin saw bare feet outlined; she could imagine how cold they must feel. The toenails were so dark, they must be painted. The feet of a young woman. Devin never painted her nails in winter…but this mundane thought was quickly gone from her mind as she concentrated further on the head of the corpse.
The young woman’s long dark hair was draped around her neck and across her shoulders. Her mouth hung open wide. Devin couldn’t believe that her features hadn’t been made composed. This body hadn’t been prepared for a funeral. Was this to be some ceremony prior to the mortician’s work?
The candlelight seemed to glint on something at the woman’s throat. A necklace under her hair? No, Devin realized. It was a wet glistening.
That wasn’t entirely her hair across her throat, darkening it, hair upon the shoulders of the white gown she wore. It was blood so dark it looked black. Soaking into the gown. Winding down her neck. Still drying. And now Devin knew whose body this was. She didn’t know the young woman’s name…but she knew how she had died. Been murdered, rather.
“What is this?” she breathed aloud, then regretted her words, as if afraid the congregation would hear her eavesdropping and turn to face the camera in unison. And then, as they stared back at her, she would see their faces. And suddenly, intuitively, Devin did not want to see those faces.
A final figure had come up the aisle carrying a smaller bundle, which was passed into the hands of the officiating priest, who had risen from his throne. The new figure helped unwrap the parcel, and then the priest held it high above his head.
It was too dark to make out what he held. But something dangled from it. A short length of…rope?
Again, intuitively, Devin knew. It was a length of umbilical cord, sliced at one end but the other still wound around the neck of the infant the priest held above his hooded head.
Devin screamed, twisted, jabbed her finger into her buzzer and held it there.
“Help me, oh my God, help me! Stop them, STOP THEM! Hurry!” she shrieked. And her eyes darted to the time.
Eleven fifty-five.
They were going to take him. Those who claimed the unblessed.
Devin didn’t wait for the buzzer to be answered. There was no more time to spare. She flung the blanket off her and swung her bare feet to the cold floor. She didn’t even bother with slippers. Bare feet offered better traction. She ignored the pains that lanced her and just bolted for the door.
At the end of this floor, the old woman had said. Past the cafeteria…
If God would not intervene, then she would have to do it. And if she could not stop them, then she would go with Christopher, wherever they took him.
At the very end of the hall were twin doors she hadn’t noticed when she’d first come in. The end of the corridor was in gloom, but she could read the gold letters that spelled: St. Andrews Hospital Chapel.
The doors were locked.
Devin jerked at the knobs, cursing, screaming. She pounded with her palms. “Let me in, you bastards! Let me in!” She turned, looked wild-eyed around her. There was nothing to use as a battering ram. No fire axes on the walls. Devin threw her weak hurting body against the blank panels and wailed, “Oh, God,
She pounded with both fists, seized the knobs in both hands, and turned them. They clicked.
Shocked, for a moment she nearly hesitated. Then she flung the doors open.
None in the congregation had admitted her; they were too obviously surprised as they whirled toward her. She did not look at them, being too close to madness already. Instead, she turned to the left and right, searching for something she knew must be there. A fount…
The figures were shadows, and the shadows poured at her like dark winds, reached out hands to her that even before they could touch her were arctic cold. But Devin still didn’t look. She cupped both hands into a wall-mounted receptacle of cool water.
Then, she walked up the aisle, carrying her dripping chalice of flesh before her. The reaching hands withdrew sharply, the dark forms recoiling like a black parted sea. There was a gasp of revulsion from their throats more like a rustling of autumn leaves. Devin ignored them. She wanted to run to the altar, but didn’t dare spill the water. The tears in her eyes made the candlelight scintillate, but she saw the head priest more clearly now. She saw that in the time it had taken her to reach and enter the chapel, he had set the nude little body of her son upon the chest of the woman on the floor, and draped one limp arm of the woman over him. It was not the umbilical cord around his neck—of course, the doctors had removed that. It was a black rope, representing that life line. Devin knew, then, that it was a black cord with which the young woman had been strangled.
They were an obscene Madonna and child for this Christmas eve. It was not a funeral mass, but a midnight mass, after all. See? The great cross above the altar—out of her range on TV—had even been inverted for the occasion.
The head priest recoiled, lifting one arm to shield himself—itself—from Devin’s offering. But it was not for him anyway. She knelt before the bodies of the sacrificed, gently positioned her hands over the brow of her son, with his sad, troubled face.
Much of the water had wound down her wrists, despite her efforts. Only drops remained, but they splashed his small round head. Devin even shook loose the last two drops onto the head of the Madonna.
A howling of wind or voices erupted, and the congregation rushed into that dark doorway in the corner. The head priest went last, casting one last hateful look over his shoulder. The touch of his gaze made Devin scream.
The door slammed shut.
* * *
One of the nurses found Devin there, on the floor of the chapel. She screamed also.
It was first thought, naturally, that Devin had somehow stolen both the body of her stillborn son and that of the woman from the emergency ward, and moved them into this room. After all, a nurse had inadvisably told Devin about the victim. But after interviewing her, and talking with the nurses from postpartum recovery, police were willing to at least accept the possibility that some sort of cult had broken into the hospital and transported the bodies into the chapel. After all, one drugged and hurting woman could scarcely have turned that heavy cross upside-down by herself.
She was released after questioning, though there were problems with her story. For instance, there was no door in that shadowy comer of the chapel where she claimed the congregation had emerged, and fled.
It was no wonder they thought her responsible, at first, and still wondered about her later. For when the nurse found her, Devin was sitting beside the body of the murdered girl, and rocking her dead son in her arms. And laughing, of all things. Laughing as if with joy. Or at least, with relief. And her words sounded like the rantings of a madwoman.
Because she was laughing, “I saved him. I saved him.” Over and over. Her eyes bright and fervent, like those of an acolyte.
The Yellow House
When I was a boy the Yellow House was as much a part of Halloween as the jack-o’-lanterns it so closely resembled on that night, its black windows gaping sightlessly in its bright yellow face. You could see the Yellow House way down the street, glowing in the dark, almost, and the dread excitement would build. We had to go up the walk and knock on the door. Every year we did this and no one answered, but we were always convinced (okay, half convinced) that this would be the time the door would crack open and there would stand some resurrected something-or-other, decayed, grinning and glaring at the same time. So we’d knock and then run, screaming and laughing. That’s how we confront what we’re afraid of, right?—give it a quick close look and a touch and then run. But without having really seen inside.
Every town has its Yellow House, so to speak: a house where a mad old woman (witch) lived, or where someone had been murdered, or where the Devil once looked out of the fireplace. The Yellow House wasn’t located up on some desolate hill, and structurally or architecturally speaking, my old family house looked much, much more foreboding. It was a small two-story crammed between two similar houses, with only a scrap of front yard. But it had that weird color, for one. A sort of traffic sign yellow, the yellow they paint bulldozers and such. And damned if I ever saw anybody repaint the thing, but the paint never peeled or flaked away or faded in all those years I knew it as a boy. My father remarked on it more than once. As did my grandfather whom I helped repaint our family home, and he knew his painting. Of course, I moved out of state for nine years, and in that time only saw the house on a few occasions during visits home, but once I asked my father if he’d ever seen anyone adding new paint to the house, and he hadn’t. The house stood empty for most of my boyhood (and all those Halloweens) after the mysterious disappearance of its owner, but the funny thing is that the family who finally bought the house didn’t repaint it a new color. I intend to find them and ask them if they ever added a new coat. Maybe they liked the color, and didn’t want to change the personality of the famous Yellow House. The young yuppie-type couple living there now must think it’s neat, and they put up new black shutters and painted the door black. It looks quite striking, like a big plastic toy house. I’ll have to talk to them, too, now…see what they may have learned, if anything, by living inside the Yellow House.
They must have heard the stories; you can’t have lived in town a year or two without having heard them. And it was for these stories more than because of its strange color that the place had become our town’s official haunted house.
First of all, the town’s all-time prize loony had owned the Yellow House, and painted it himself, as the town was very much aware at that time. It was no quaint town tradition or landmark then, but a plain old eyesore. So kids began rapping on the door and running away laughing on Halloween night even back then in the forties. Supposedly one kid got shot with a BB gun by the owner—at least my mother seems to remember that story.
His name was Edwin Phillips, the town dog officer. Another great reason for banging on his door. One time, my mother has never forgotten (the reason she curses him to this day, obsessive animal lover that she is), three dogs were found shot in Phillips’s back yard—two of them still clinging to life, a mother and pup. The mother died, the pup was saved. The dogs had been picked up by him only the day before, not held for the proper amount of time before
He never worked again, apparently, and how he sustained himself I haven’t as yet determined. He was well known as an amateur inventor, however, so maybe one of his inventions had become successful somewhere down the line and he lived off that. For lack of a town witch, the kids called him a mad scientist, or Dr. Frankenstein. Maybe he was assembling a Frankencanine out of various parts of dogs he’d slaughtered, they no doubt joked.
It was because of the dog stories that Crazy Ed Phillips became the suspect in town gossip when those two old men disappeared in 1950. Both were boozers with no real family and they lived in the rooms over the little center pub my father still frequents today. The first, Gregory Hitchings, vanished on or about January fifteenth. The second man, old Frankie Allen, the town drunk of the day, was discovered missing (a funny expression) February seventeenth. Gone without a trace, both men, no clothes packed, and both boarders at the little center pub…two streets over from the Yellow House.
There was another funny story about Ed Phillips and the two missing men, but first a little background. Phillips himself occasionally visited the pub for some brews alone in the corner, and the other men would taunt him a bit.
But in early 1950 Phillips became a feared and hated celebrity again as the rumors spread. One man whom Phillips had raged at in the pub claimed that Phillips had alluded to “experiments in human longevity,” and suggested that he had kidnapped the two old-timers to use as human guinea pigs, figuring they wouldn’t be missed much. Others quickly took up this belief. Finally it was brought to the attention of the town chief of police, Richard McGee. He found the rumors ridiculous and groundless, and Edwin Phillips was never officially questioned about the disappearances. But Greg Hitchings and Frankie Allen were never heard from again, and even McGee couldn’t offer a plausible explanation.
And now the funny story. In May of 1950 a boy of about twelve was found wandering around the sand-pits across from the reservoir. He seemed dazed, maybe deaf and dumb (he didn’t respond to questioning), his over-sized clothes were in tatters and he was seriously under-fed and dehydrated. In police custody, he died of cardiac arrest no more than two hours after he’d been picked up. The “Mystery Boy” was photographed and his picture run in the papers, but he was never identified and was ultimately buried in the potter’s field corner of Pine Grove.
The thing was, the pitiful Mystery Boy had a large pink C-shaped scar on his temple near his right eyebrow. I’m looking at it now, quite distinct, in a copy of that yellowed old newspaper my grandmother had fortunately saved all those years (zealous child lover, gossip lover and collector that she had been).
Frankie Allen, fifty-eight at the time of his disappearance, had had a large pink C-shaped scar near his right eyebrow, from a time when he’d fallen down drunk and bashed his head a good one on the curb.
And that was how the Yellow House got so famous. And to top it all off, Crazy Ed Phillips himself vanished sometime in the summer of 1957, a few months before I was born. He hadn’t packed, either, and no trace of him ever turned up. Some now say a serial killer had claimed Greg Hitchings and old Frankie (maybe had something to do with that boy, too)…then came back and got old Crazy Ed. In any case, his house stood empty a long thirteen years, for whatever legal reasons, until 1970. I mean to look into that oddly lengthy delay.
When I came back to live here this past spring, I went out of my way one day to walk down to the Yellow House with my fiancé, to point it out to her and tell her the stories. She
“The Mystery Boy
“Oh grow up,” she said, hugging her arms and anxious to go. But as we walked on, her curiosity wouldn’t let up, and she meekly asked me, “So what did he look like; have you seen an old picture?”
“What, of Frankie Allen? No.”
“No, of Ed Phillips. What did he look like? Creepy? Like a mad scientist?”
“Of course. I don’t have a picture, but my mother told me he had sunken suspicious-looking eyes and wild uncombed red hair, and he was always unshaven.”
“How old was he when he disappeared?”
“In his fifties, I guess.”
“So he could conceivably still be alive today.”
“Yeah, he’s got a cabin in Tibet with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa. The guy would be—what—ninety almost, now.”
“So?”
* * *
Of course Halloween has always been my big day, and so it was natural and inevitable that on this first Halloween back in my old home town I should want to walk to the Ed Phillips place. It was this impulse that has led to my current investigation of what went on in Crazy Ed’s “kennel.”
I couldn’t convince Pammy to go with me…she thought it was immature and stupid, and she was irritated and disgusted (afraid). So I told her fine, I’ll go alone. I put on a rubber monster mask (a cheapie; it was a balding old man with frizzy white hair—a mad scientist, very consciously chosen for the occasion), and took an orange plastic pumpkin to go trick-or-treating at the age of thirty-three.
I even hit a few other houses on the way.
“Oh, you’re terrible!” laughed my mother, a hand to her heart.
As I turned onto the street at last, my heart actually began to beat with that old dread excitement, with the extra thrill of reliving a nostalgic memory. I felt foolishly jubilant in my mask, wet inside with my breath. I wondered where my old best friend Dicky Evans was, and wouldn’t it have been great if he and Ronny Hall and David Porter were with me now, daring each other to be the first to run up the walk and knock. Here with me now to witness, for the first time, someone actually answering our knocks. Some pleasant yuppie man or woman, and yet still my heart was deliciously pounding.
As it was, I never made it to that newly painted black door to knock. The house was glowing, the yellow paint undiminished after all this time. Maybe it was one of Crazy Ed’s inventions, I now thought…and if so, it certainly would have changed the world, in its way, if he’d lived to market it. An enterprising person
The house was glowing, and I felt like I hadn’t seen it with Pammy in the day, hadn’t seen it since the last, long-ago Halloween I’d come up this street. A chilly gust of wind sent leaves scampering across the road and my sneakers, like yellow flakes of paint finally fallen from the house to blow away. I heard children laughing in the darkness ahead—ghostly echoes from my past.
As I advanced along the street I saw the dark form of a man standing on the sidewalk directly in front of the Yellow House.
There were three children on the step, and the door to the house was open, but away from me so that I couldn’t see who it was on the other side dropping things into their proffered pillow cases. My attention was torn back and forth from the man to the open door as I continued advancing. The man must be waiting for his children, I reasoned. If I had small children I’d want to accompany them just to be safe. So why did I keep looking back at him, away from the door?
The door closed, the children turned and ran down the walk. Past the man. On to the next house. The man didn’t move.
Now I was really looking at him. Straining to see detail. A lot of my nostalgic thrill went right out the window, and I had a strange impulse to just keep on walking past the man once I got to him, and not stop at the Yellow House.
I was coming up on the man now, and I could discern that he was, as I had feared, quite an old-looking man.
Then another strange impulse came to me. Despite my sudden anxiousness, I must talk to this old man. I must find out who he was.
I saw him turn his head to watch the last of my approach, no doubt distracted by my scuffing of leaves. I felt guiltily intimidating, a grown man in a horror mask, but also safely hidden behind it. Anonymous, my true self shrouded.
Luckily I didn’t have to begin a casual conversation. He started.
“Little big for trick-or-treating, aren’t ya?”
I came within a few paces of him. “Ah, I’m on my way to a masquerade party.” I was surprised that my voice was shaky, like when I’d first asked Pammy out.
The old man glanced down into my plastic pumpkin. “Looks like you been trick-or-treating to me.”
“Friends’ houses…as a joke,” I stammered. I was defensive, as if interrogated, pulled over by a patrol car. “How about you? You trick-or-treating?”
“Ha,” the old man laughed, “I could, with this mug, is that what you mean?”
“Oh no…I didn’t mean that. We all get old, right?”
“I suppose.” The man became serious. His eyes looked like they wanted to get through my eye holes. My eyes, thus exposed, felt vulnerable.
“You live here in old Ed Phillips’s place?” I asked. Supposed to sound casual. My voice broke.
I
“Don’t I know you? You look familiar,” I lied. The only face that reminded me of this man was the one I had on.
“Lived in town until 1960,” the man replied. “Then moved on to Shrewsbury. I used to be chief of police here…”
“
“That’s me. You know me?”
“Oh…no…not personally. I know of you.”
“You a townie?”
“Yes.”
“Your family must’ve known me. I’m seventy-seven now.” McGee looked at the Yellow House again and wagged his head, dumbfounded, as if he had aged from the thirty-seven of 1950 to the seventy-seven of 1990 all at once, just before I walked up to him. “Seventy-seven,” he repeated, his breath coming out in ghostly steam.
I was much less nervous now, much more intrigued. “You know a lot about this place. Ed Phillips’s place.”
“Nobody knows a lot about Ed Phillips’s place, son. Nobody
“I’m pretty interested in the place, myself. You must be. You were staring at it a minute ago.”
“I come here about every Halloween night, boy. Just like everybody else does. Like the place ain’t here except on Halloween night. It is but it ain’t.”
“Very true. But why do you come…to look?”
“I look.” The old man was lost in his staring again. He appeared troubled. Uncertain. Afraid. “I best be moving on,” he mumbled to himself. “It’s cold…”
“A lot of funny stories.”
“What’s so funny? You wouldn’t think it was funny if you seen those cages in the cellar.”
“What about them?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what about them.”
“You think he was up to no good?”
“Absolutely, boy. We don’t want to know what he was up to.”
“Yes we do. We both do…that’s why we’re here. But I thought you were the one who said that Phillips couldn’t have had anything to do with the disappearance of those two old guys. That’s what I always heard.”
“You heard right.” McGee was able to look at me again, away from the house. “I didn’t think it was him, at first.”
“But you did later?” No answer. “If you suspected him later then why didn’t you take him in for questioning?”
“Because by the time I believed it he was gone.”
“So is that why he ran off? He found out you were onto him?”
“He didn’t run off.” McGee started at a child’s scream of laughter down the street. He shuddered and tucked his head into his shoulders. “I been drinking and I’m old and tired. I gotta go home now and forget the past until next year if I’m still here. And I suppose I’ll come to look then, too. Almost every year, even when I lived in Shrewsbury…”
“You never told anyone that you changed your mind about his innocence?”
McGee squinted at me. “Who are you? Do I know you?”
“No. I was a little boy when you left town.”
“You want to know why I changed my mind? Do you? Well, you wouldn’t believe me. Drunken babblings, you’d say. And that’s just what they’d have said back then, if I told them what I saw.
“See who?”
“Phillips. Ed Phillips. I saw him that night.”
“What night?”
“I never told them.”
“
“The baby,” he interrupted, “was wrapped in men’s pajamas, left on the step with no note, bawling its head off. Little boy. Doc Sullivan thought he heard someone pounding on the door. When he came down, nobody was there but the baby—the person who left it musta ran off, he figured. But he coulda sworn he heard someone yelling, ‘Help me, help me’ in a strangled kind of voice when he heard that pounding. Just a trick to get him to come down and find the baby, he figured. So they put it in the papers but nobody ever identified the baby, and this couple came and adopted it, couple here in town. So that was the end of that…so they all think.”
“But…”
“Let me finish. I can tell you now—hell, what can they do, take away my badge? What do I care, I’m seventy-seven…”
“You saw Ed Phillips that night?”
“I was sittin’ in my cruiser down the reservoir with a bottle. Heat on. Relaxing. I had too much, I admit it…I had a problem then…”
“But you saw him? After he’d supposedly disappeared already?”
“He came out of the woods, right in front of me. Damn near had a coronary. He looked at me. We just stared at each other a minute. I should’ve gotten out, I should’ve…I didn’t. I sat there. I couldn’t get out. Then he just stumbled off in the dark and I lost sight of him. I didn’t go after him. I didn’t call it in.”
“Why?”
“I was afraid, boy. I was plain paralyzed afraid. It was his face. His hair all sticking out, his eyes…sticking out. Like a crazy man. And he was twitching all over, and jerking, like he was having a fit the whole time. Scariest damn thing I’ve ever seen and I can’t really explain it now thirty-three years later. And I never told a soul.”
“And that same night the baby was left on the doctor’s doorstep?”
“The same night. The next day I found out about that. I saw the baby, and the pajamas it was wrapped in. And I almost had me another coronary but I still kept my trap shut.”
“What was the matter?”
“When I saw Ed come out of the woods he was wearing those same pajamas. Red and white stripes. Same damn pajamas so help me Jesus.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yep.”
“Oh my God. Oh my God…”
* * *
I can’t tell you now the feeling that spread through me.
I stammered a good-night to the old man. He walked down the street one way, I went back the way I’d come, both of us away from the Yellow House.
My mind was swimming. It was almost a panic. I wanted to run home to my parents but I knew I had to keep calm. That’s when I decided to begin an orderly investigation, a sane and rational examination of facts. I decided to write all this down. Calm. Rational…
I haven’t told Pammy any of this yet. I haven’t confronted my foster parents either, though I doubt they know much anyway.
It was they who had adopted me after Dr. Sullivan found me on his doorstep that October night in 1957. The Mystery Baby, the papers called me then…another town celebrity, another funny story.
Edwin Phillips kidnapped me, I’ve told myself. Or fathered me. Then he left me on Dr. Sullivan’s step, first wrapping me in the pajamas he wore. And then he’d fled. Fled…naked? Fled where?
He kidnapped me, or fathered me, I’ve got to stay calm. He must be my father. That’s where I got my red hair. It isn’t wild and uncombed; it’s short and neat. It isn’t the same…
But I do have this bad habit. I’m lazy, that’s all.
I don’t like to shave.
Fallen
He made his escape under the cover of rain, I realized later. And before he invaded my apartment, he first practiced his escape by invading my dreams.
The dreams were of soaring; above great forests, pastures, ancient villages and modem cities…above landscapes totally alien, as lovely as strange-colored seas or as hideous as bloody canyons torn in the flesh of a living planet. I saw through his eyes, experienced the freedom and the ecstasy of flight.
But in one recurring dream, while he rested between flights in some secret place, the men in black robes appeared, and cursed him, made signs to bind him, converged upon him with daggers and chains and incantations. I would start awake, as if I were the one stabbed and bound, their evil faces still floating before my eyes in a dispersing vaporous residue.
I attributed these dreams of flight and freedom to some deep subconscious yearning. As a young girl I had been struck by a car while riding my bike, my legs so crushed I was lucky to regain the ability to walk. On cold damp days I had to use a cane, even at my still youthful age, and the scars on my legs were so pronounced that I never wore shorts or a bathing suit. In fact, I was even ashamed to let a lover see them, and preferred the safety of darkness for lovemaking. Not that this was a frequent concern. My scars prevented me from even letting lovers approach me. They never had a chance to be repulsed; I was repulsed for them.
On that night of rain, I heard a crash from the parlor of the third floor flat I masochistically rented, and I sat up in bed to listen. I heard my cat Virgil hiss and spit, then scamper into another room. Afraid now, I slid stealthily from bed, pulled on sweat pants and a T-shirt and advanced shakily toward the murky parlor, picking up a flashlight from atop my bureau as I went—as much for a weapon as for light—though I didn’t yet thumb it on.
Only the darkest light filtered into the parlor, but still I hesitated to turn on the flashlight, let alone a lamp. Was anyone in here? If so, was I as invisible to them as they were to me? I strained my hearing, but only ended up listening to the rain, or was that the surf of my own blood in my ears? At last, unable to stand the thought of being studied from the shadows, I pointed the light at the door to my apartment and switched it on.
He crouched there, close to the floor, his curly dark hair plastered to his head, his eyes wide and frantic. Naked—and his flesh glaringly pale in the harsh light, which was unkind to the wounds in him, the hooks in his bruised flesh.
I screamed, and before I could turn to run or even move the light I saw him fling himself at me. In so doing, wings spread wide from his shoulders, and they were broad and black and it was as though a great wave were falling upon me.
When I awoke, I was back in bed, and the being knelt beside me, gripping my hand in both of his. I couldn’t see him well, and I cried out again, jerked my hand free, fumbled for the bedside lamp. When it came on he shielded his eyes. His wings lifted a bit but did not unfold again.
“Oh my God,” I remember saying, sitting up, hugging myself, “who are you? Who are you?”
He looked up at me, his eyes pained and beseeching. I had time now to better take in the severity and profusion of his wounds. Though his body was as beautiful as that of a Greek sculpture, it was cruelly pierced with barbs and hooks, some still attached to chains which he had wound around his arms or waist. His white skin showed scars that were whiter still, and raised symbolic designs that had been branded onto him. His wings were particularly mutilated, their joints and where they joined his shoulders bearing awful scars, and pinned with black metal clasps to hinder or prevent movement, these also hung with weights. The sleek black feathers of his wings held an oil-slick’s iridescence, and still dripped rain drops to the hardwood floor.
Cautiously I crept out of bed, and only his eyes followed me. Moving around him, I was able to see his wings more clearly, to prove to myself that indeed they grew out of his shoulders, that the scars were not an indication of some bizarre surgery.
“My God,” I said again, but softly this time; and again I said, but in awe, “who are you? Who are you?”
I knew only one thing about him. That he had visited me in my dreams so as to prepare me for this night.
I went to the parlor, put on one light. He had broken the chain on the door. I locked it with the bolt instead. Turning, I saw that he had timidly followed me into the room, and was reaching out to pet Virgil, who gave a warning growl and flicked his tail but reluctantly allowed his head to be stroked. The being looked to me, and smiled.
The bells of the old monastery at the end of my block tolled midnight as they did every night. I was not religious, had no idea if this were a common practice for such a place or what significance it held. But the sound terrified the creature. Before I could protest he came to me, and held my right hand in both of his hands. His grip was strong, painful, but it wasn’t meant to restrain me, I knew. It was an expression of fear.
I did not go to my classes the next day. How could I leave him here alone? In the morning my landlady Mrs. Hanson, who lived on the first floor of the old tenement house, phoned to ask if I had had another of my awful nightmares last night. I told her I had, but that everything was all right now.
I made coffee, and the seraph sat at the kitchen table watching me, smiling whenever I met his eyes like a stray dog appealing for some kindness. His hair and wings had dried at last. I considered offering him some sweat-pants to wear to cover his nudity, but the thought of so exotic a being in so prosaic a garment seemed beneath his dignity.
His wounds troubled me more than his nakedness, and at last I could stand it no longer. I set down my coffee, dug under the kitchen sink for the tool box my father had assembled for me, though only he ever used them when he came to make a repair for me or for Mrs. Hanson. I found a small set of bolt cutters in there Dad had used to trim the branches that had been scratching at my bedroom window at night (though now I wondered if it had been the seraph, reaching for me in dreams). Gingerly, I approached him at the table.
Rather than assume a defensive attitude, he bowed his head, submissive, inviting me to shear away his painful tethers.
I started with a thin chain holding a weight to the clasp in one wing. I grunted as I forced the handles together, and the weight thumped into a nest of bath towels I had set underneath to dull its fall. Encouraged, I moved on to the other weights.
Now I examined the barbs in him more closely and realized that they were wed with his flesh so intimately that I didn’t dare try to snip them, so the best I could do was cut the chains or remnants of chains depending from them. In order to do this, I couldn’t help but touch him, and the first time my hand brushed his skin we both flinched, but he did not protest, and I went on to finish my work.
When my arms grew too tired he gently took the cutters from me and broke the last few chain fragments off their hooks himself, then he handed the tool back to me with a smile of gratitude and a relief so deep I nearly broke into tears. I had to look away from him, go back to pour a fresh coffee. I offered him a taste but he raised a palm to decline, and declined all nourishment I offered later, including water.
After a few sips of my coffee, however, I put down the mug and offered him my hand. He rose, and I led him into the bathroom.
I filled the tub with steaming water but he seemed hesitant to enter it, and I didn’t want to alarm him, so delicately I urged him into a kneeling position, and then knelt down beside him. I soaked a large sea sponge, and then began running it gently along his folded wings, washing layers of dried blood out from under and between the feathers, so that the floor tiles pooled with pinkish water. I didn’t care. And as I bathed his wings, he made a great effort to unfold them. I could tell it agonized him. The bathroom was also too small to contain them. I made him follow me into the kitchen and kneel down once more, and I filled a plastic basin with soapy water. This time he spread his trembling wings to their full span, and remarkably they filled the room, nearly touching opposite walls, majestic and black, narrow and tapered like those of a falcon. His shoulders shook with the strain of holding them aloft for me, and in reverence I stroked them with the sponge. And then I realized that his shoulders were shaking harder because he was sobbing. Whether he was sobbing in pain or in gratitude I could not know, but I put down the sponge and began to smooth his feathers under my bare palms, as if I thought this alone might balm his pain somehow. Without really willing it, I began to run my hands down to his back, where I caressed his marred white flesh.
He rose, turned to face me, tears streaking his face. They were tears of blood, making the whites of his eyes glisten red as well. But I took his hand, and followed him from the room.
I didn’t reach out from the bed to shut off the light. I didn’t care if he saw my legs. I was too intent on seeing him.
As we made love some of the barbs still in him scratched me, even drew blood, but in our passion I was needless, and it only made me feel closer to his pain, closer to him, merged as we had been in dream. He raised himself on his arms to look at where our flesh was joined, and then stared down at my eyes, and again his great wings spread, almost to their fullness, making a canopy over us. I kissed the brands on his chest to cool them, licked his nipples despite the rings pierced through them, slicing my tongue on their edges. When we kissed he sucked the blood from my tongue, and I in turn licked the blood from his face, kissed the blood from his eyes. Then he arched his back and moaned in climax, the first sound I had heard him utter. When he collapsed upon me, spent, his wings covered both of us in a blanket.
When at last he stirred he lay half atop me, his face almost shy with reverence as he stroked my breasts, my belly. Moving off me further to stroke me lower down, at last he noticed my legs, and I tried to take his chin and angle his face away. Instead, he gently slipped out of my fingers and shifted to the end of the bed. Bending over my legs, he lightly kissed my shattered knees, and then slowly began to trace his tongue along the white scar that wound up one thigh. I put my hands to his head to move him away, but then they held him there instead, as his tongue moved from the source of my pain to the source of my pleasure.
I did not go to my classes for several more days.
After those several days, Mrs. Hanson called to check in on me, since she hadn’t seen me about. I told her I had a slight bug. She asked if the brothers had come upstairs to see me. “Brothers?” I asked.
“From the monastery, I think,” she said. “I think they were monks. Priests, maybe; they had collars. They wanted to know if I’d seen anyone strange around the yard. I guess there’s a brother they keep locked up because he’s ill or something. I don’t know why they don’t have him in the hospital but I guess they’d rather care for him themselves…”
“Did he escape?” I asked, my heart blundering through its actions.
“Yes, the other night when it stormed.”
When I made love with the seraph that night my passion was clouded with fear for him. Lying in bed beside him, I begged him to talk to me, to tell me his story, to tell me about his former captors, the monks. And after a while of coaxing, he did try to tell me, but he spoke in tongues. Not in a frenzied rapture, however; his voice was deep, somnambulant, like a single voice lifted from a Gregorian chant. It was both weirdly beautiful and terrifying, and I put my finger tips to his lips to stop him.
I couldn’t avoid my former life forever, despite my fears, and after a week I returned to my classes. The first day was difficult, and I came back to check on him several times, but he was fine, either looking through the pictures in books or napping or stroking Virgil in his lap. The monks would believe him gone from the area by this time, I thought, and my unease lessened.
And then one evening I came home to find Mrs. Hanson dead on the landing outside my apartment door.
She was unmarked, but her eyes stared upward, glassy. The door frame was splintered, and I burst into the apartment with my blood roaring through my head.
At first I thought my vision was blackening, until I realized it was the blood sprayed and splashed upon the walls, Virgil sitting on the backrest of the couch contentedly licking the blood that matted his fur. I stifled a scream at the carnage strewn on the floor of the parlor. Two ruins, which appeared to have once been men, and which appeared from their shredded black garb to have once been clerics of some kind. My seraph still crouched over one of them, the corpse’s head cradled in his lap. Alarmed, he looked up with a lupine snarl, his teeth coated thickly in gore, and I knew that this was the sight that had stopped the old heart of dear Mrs. Hanson.
Trembling, relieved and horrified at once, I pulled the door shut behind me and managed to bolt it. Despite my terrible nausea, my feverish dizziness, I was not afraid of him. And he, also, stopped his savage growling when he recognized me. He lowered his head, as though ashamed, and lowered the mauled red ball of the monk’s head to the floor. I saw a dagger near this corpse, and a bottle of holy water spilled by the other, soaking into an already red-soaked throw rug.
He helped me drag Mrs. Hanson into the room, and by then I had arrived at the only decision I could come to. I helped him wash the blood from his hands, his body, his wings. This time he consented to a full bath, and it seemed to calm both of us.
I packed several suitcases. I selected a sweat-shirt and some sweat-pants I thought would fit him until I could buy him some clothing of his own.
From the generous tool box my father had lovingly equipped for me I raised a hacksaw. I showed it to the seraph. I moved it in the air to demonstrate its function. He sat on a chair and bowed his head in understanding, submitting to a cruelty worse even than those inflicted upon him by his captors. But we had no choice. In order to be free, both of us, I had to cut away the very symbols of his freedom…
And while I sliced them away, awash in my angel’s blood, I shook hard with sobs just as he did, tears blurring my vision like the tears of blood on his beautiful face…agonized, as if it were my own wings I was severing.
Mrs. Weekes
Mrs. Ferrin rested a hand like a ginseng root atop the smooth young hand of Kelly Bonham, who was new at Eastborough Nursing Home. Kelly leaned over the elderly woman indulgently, though she knew she suffered Alzheimer’s Disease quite severely. “Yes, Mrs. Ferrin?”
“She was here again, last night,” the emaciated creature whispered urgently in a creaky voice, as if autumn leaves rustled in her scarecrow’s throat. “I saw her come into the room…crawling on all fours. She stopped and looked over at me and, and hissed, then she went on again…she looked like a crab, scuttling…and she went over there, to poor Mrs. Carter’s bed.”
Kelly glanced over at Mrs. Ferrin’s room-mate, Mrs. Carter. She had deteriorated badly in just the one week since Kelly had started on the third shift at this hospital. For the first couple of days, Mrs. Carter had actually been quite charming, talkative and lucid, had shown Kelly pictures of her grandchildren. Now, her eyes and mouth gaped emptily at the ceiling, and Kelly might easily have taken her for dead. It was very upsetting, and something she doubted she would ever grow used to no matter how many years she stayed in this work.
Mrs. Ferrin went on, “Then she climbed up beside the bed, and put her mouth over Mrs. Carter’s mouth, as if she was…kissing her. Poor Mrs. Carter. I saw her legs move a little and I heard her moan, but she never woke up. And then that horrible woman crawled on all fours, out of the room again. Thank God she didn’t look at me again. Her eyes. Her terrible eyes…”
“And who was this awful woman you thought you saw, Mrs. Ferrin?” Kelly asked soothingly, as if calming a child who’d had a bad dream.
“It was Mrs. Weekes…that awful Mrs. Weekes…”
Mrs. Weekes? Mrs. Weekes indeed. Mrs. Weekes was a vegetable, catatonic; Kelly had been wiping the drool from her chin since she’d begun here. Yes, her blankly staring eyes were unsettling—the whites were so alarmingly bloodshot that they appeared entirely red—but she was as harmless as a flower vase, and no more capable of movement. Kelly straightened up. “Mrs. Weekes won’t harm you or Mrs. Carter, Mrs Ferrin, don’t you worry.”
“Watch her!” the old woman whispered. “Watch her!”
* * *
It was morning at last and Kelly would soon be leaving. Thank God. Third shift was a hard one to acclimate to. She craved coffee and breakfast in the cafeteria; she didn’t think she could wait long enough to eat at home. Her charges were beginning to awaken, and the first shift to trickle in. She finished up her final round…and out of some odd curiosity, poked her head into Mrs. Weekes’ room. She had peeked in on her twice during the night, but of course both times the elderly woman had lain there unmoving, a dark shape in the gloom. She was currently alone in her room; another nurse had told Kelly that Mrs. Weekes’ room-mate had passed away the week before Kelly started.
Kelly expected to again see a prone, silent husk, if this time at least lit by the gilded sunlight slanting through the curtains. Instead, what she saw plucked her heart half from her chest. Mrs. Weekes sat upright in bed, her back propped against two pillows, and she was staring at the door as if she had been expecting Kelly or at least someone to enter just then. Her red eyes were dark against pallid wrinkled flesh. The old woman’s mouth spread into a toothless grin.
“Hello, my dear,” she cooed softly in a British accent. “Would I be able to get a cup of tea?”
“Tea?” Kelly hesitated, strangely, before stepping into the room. “Mrs. Weekes…I thought…this is…this is the first time I’ve heard you speak.”
“Yes, well…I haven’t been well, I’m afraid, but I feel much better today. Might I also have two pieces of toast with marmalade? I’m dreadfully hungry, my dear!”
“Oh, yes…sure…of course.” And Kelly darted from the room to see to her patient’s needs, her thoughts all aswirl.
* * *
Kelly knew better than to grow attached to her patients, but how could a human being not? She’d grow tougher with time, she was assured, but she was not certain she ever wanted to grow so tough that the death of someone like Mrs. Ferrin would not affect her.
She’d only been at Eastborough Nursing Home three weeks, and already she had seen them take out Mrs. Carter and now poor Mrs. Ferrin. Kelly was so upset when she heard the news that she even cried in front of her boss, but she didn’t really care what the others thought of her. She found too many of them to be callous.
If it was any consolation, however, some patients apparently improved at the same time others declined. Mrs. Weekes, for instance, seemed to be strengthening every day. She was amicable and charming in the way that Kelly remembered Mrs. Carter as having been in the beginning. But despite this charm, Kelly found herself avoiding the woman more and more, looking in on her only when absolutely necessary. And at night, not at all…because a few nights ago she could have sworn Mrs. Weekes lay awake in the dark, her red eyes open and gazing at Kelly under the cover of murk.
But she couldn’t shirk her duties altogether, could she? So this morning she went to look in on the old woman’s needs.
But the bed lay starkly empty, for the first time since Kelly had started here. Had Mrs. Weekes, too, passed away, then? With a guilty twinge, Kelly realized she was relieved at the possibility. She turned out of the room and began walking briskly down the hall to search out her supervisor so as to inquire into just what had transpired. She was in such a hurry, in fact, that she bumped elbows with a woman who was walking down the hallway in the opposite direction. It was a nurse with her winter coat on, no doubt a third shifter like herself on her way home, but Kelly couldn’t tell who it was because of the dark glasses the pretty young woman wore.
“I’m so sorry,” Kelly apologized for their partial collision.
“That’s quite all right, my dear,” the young woman said in a pleasant British accent, and then she walked smartly down the hall and turned a corner. Kelly stood there watching her until the young woman was out of sight. For several minutes she couldn’t move, as if she herself had suddenly become catatonic.
Psychometric Idol
It wasn’t until a plastic replica was cast, perfect right down to the clasped plate in the ponderous skull—and a computer-generated imaging system that would reconstruct his flesh from every angle was installed—that the Museum of the London Hospital Medical College surrendered and sold the skeletal remains of John Merrick to the pop star Ricky Concertina.
Ricky was photographed at the opening of the new displays he had funded at the museum—was shown studying Merrick’s meticulous replica of St. Philip’s Church with an expression of reverence. But he was also photographed later with the gnarled, listing skeleton he had purchased, his arm slung around those jagged shoulders and a grin glittering from below his immense dark glasses.
Ricky’s museum, to which the skeleton was to be consigned, was not open to the public.
* * *
Jimmy Tassone hated high-top sneakers, but not only were they the brand Ricky sponsored and always wore, they didn’t scuff or scratch the marble floors of Ricky’s house or the heavy glass sheets of the conference room floor. Jimmy glanced down at the lions, black leopards and white tigers in their respective pens under the three glass floor sections as he squeaked across them on his way to the table. A leopard lifted its glossy night-black face to him and snarled silently. Jimmy expected one of these glass sections to slide back one day when he was summoned, and he wouldn’t realize it until he had tumbled in.
Ricky was not alone. Ricky was never alone. To his right at the head of the table stood the towering, inscrutable Strappado. To his left: the short, overweight, affable—and more frightening to those who knew him—Bastinado. At one side of the long gothic table, seated on a high-backed bench, was the psychometrist, Kolosimo.
“Well?” breathed Ricky, before Jimmy had even reached the table. Ricky seldom spoke above this airy whisper, but Jimmy had learned well to listen sharply for it. Ricky didn’t like to talk; liked even less to repeat.
“I have it,” Jimmy announced. He halted at the far end of the table until Ricky raised his arm languidly, inviting him to approach.
To give Jimmy room, Strappado took a few steps back. Leaning over Ricky’s shoulder, Jimmy spread the cloth he’d kept folded in his pocket. He had removed it slowly from his pocket, so as not to alarm the looming Strappado.
In the center of the cloth, a human eye gazed up at Ricky with a glassy expression. It was the newest acquisition: the last prosthetic eye used by the popular entertainer Sammy Davis, Jr.
A tight smile formed on Ricky’s face. It was tight due to the extensive plastic surgery Ricky had employed over the years to further sculpt his ethnic Italian features into a delicate and glamorous amalgamation. To Jimmy’s thinking, in his attempt to incorporate all the characteristics deemed desirable by the public, Ricky had transformed his countenance into something utterly alien. The Roman busts in Ricky’s halls were lifelike by comparison.
“It’s beautiful,” Ricky whispered, his voice breaking with emotion. “Hello, Sammy.” He lifted his strained grin to the heavyset man with disheveled gray hair who called himself Kolosimo. “Kol,” Ricky prompted.
The older man reached out, plucked the eye into his fist, drew back his arm to clench the fist against his forehead. “Ohhh…” muttered Kolosimo, eyes scrunched tightly shut.
“Is he there?”
“Oh…oh yes, Ricky. Oh yes. Sammy saw so much. I can see Sinatra…”
“Peter Lawford?”
“No…no. He died before this eye. But he saw so much. Yes…Sammy is here. He is very much soaked in.”
“You did well,” Ricky said, turning his grin up to Jimmy. He offered his slim waxen hand, the ultimate signal of praise, and Jimmy held it lightly before Ricky slid it out of his fingers, Ricky’s gem-encrusted rings scraping against his hand.
“If I might ask, Rick,” Jimmy ventured, not having dared until he was praised, “how do you plan on taking this in? Not swallowing it whole…”
A slight frown crept onto the contrived features. “You know better than that, Jim. It has to be
“Of course. Just please be sure to have it ground very fine, is all.”
His shrewd show of concern worked on Ricky, restoring him to his good spirits. “Jim, see to it that the replica gets made by Friday, okay?”
The glass eye would be duplicated and the duplicate displayed in the museum alongside the duplication of the Elephant Man’s skeleton—a replica surpassing even that which Ricky had presented to the London Hospital Medical College Museum. The actual skeleton had been ground to a fine powder—limb by limb, portion by portion—and ingested completely.
Jimmy had arranged that purchase as well, though it had been Kolosimo who had acquired the very first one…one that hadn’t been publicized in the tabloids. That had been the severed portion of Vincent Van Gogh’s right ear, acquired from a Japanese collector who had come into possession of the piece through very mysterious sources. Jimmy hadn’t believed the ear to be authentic, despite Kolosimo’s rhapsodizing over it. But after the ear was ground and mixed in the blender with the rest of Kolosimo’s recipe, and Ricky had ingested the resultant chocolate-flavored shake, the pop idol was so overwhelmed by flaming colors and swirling vortexes of energy that he was inspired to create his best selling album to that date. He told Jimmy he had been seeing brighter shades of color and the seething energy of all things ever since.
Between Jimmy, Kolosimo, and others, Ricky Concertina had ingested and absorbed the power locked in handwriting samples (usually from Christmas cards) of such figures as David Bowie and Ringo Starr, locks of hair from John Lennon and Brooke Shields, and a finger stolen from Jimi Hendrix. Subsequently, Ricky Concertina was the most popular and powerful celebrity in the world.
But, of course, that was something which, once obtained, had to be carefully maintained.
“Springsteen’s new album is due to hit the stores next month, Jimmy. I’d really like you to acquire that new item very soon.”
“I will, Ricky. I’ve got my boys probing.”
“
“I will, Rick.”
“The Boss is our biggest threat, Ricky,” Bastinado chimed in. “Maybe we should have ourselves a little plane wreck.”
Ricky whipped around in his chair, twisting his mouth into a grimace that must have required great exertion. “You stupid shit,” he hissed. “Don’t you ever think? If Bruce got killed he’d be the biggest thing since Elvis! I’d rather pay to have him brought back from the dead than to kill him, you moron!”
Bastinado had gone white, and lowered his sheepish gaze. “Sorry, Ricky…I wasn’t thinkin’.”
“So what else is new?” Ricky waved impatiently at Jimmy to dismiss him. “Okay, Jimmy…go. Take the rest of the day off. But tomorrow, go look for that piece. Understand?
“Yes, Ricky.” Jimmy turned and walked over the heads of the pacing giant cats again on his way out.
* * *
During the next few weeks, Ricky Concertina went back into the studio to continue work on his latest album, to be boldly titled
Meanwhile, Jimmy Tassone was having success in getting close to the object Ricky currently coveted. Jimmy had also begun organizing an effort to acquire the object Ricky desired above all others: some fibers from the Shroud of Turin that had been removed for carbon dating, if any had survived those tests. But Ricky wasn’t pressuring for this right now…he knew he couldn’t have everything immediately. Save that for the next album. Right now he was obsessed with the idea of acquiring a strange idol Kolosimo’s sources told him a cult had been worshiping somewhere right here in Southern California.
Jimmy spoke with his inside man, Joey Cacciola, on the phone. Joey had infiltrated the cult—People of the Hand—and had to speak in a low voice. “They’re both pretty wacked, huh?” Joey said of their boss and his “spiritual mentor”, Kolosimo.
“Ricky’s wacked. Kolosimo is brilliant. You think he believes any of this voodoo crap? Psychometrics? Psychosomatics is more like it. These drinks don’t give Ricky power, they only inspire him ‘cause he
“I dunno, man. I seen a thing on Kolosimo in a book Ricky has. The police used him once to find a sex murderer. He held this dead chick’s panties and he could tell the cops where she was killed, where they could find the body and what the killer looked like, y’know?”
“Stage magic,” Jimmy muttered, but he dropped the topic of doubt after that. They returned to the subject at hand.
The object of the group’s worship was supposedly the mummified hand of a UFO alien, its craft having come down and exploded in a field in Mexico. The hand was recovered from the site by a farmer, but the story had it that the rest of the blackened rubble was simply carted away by him and dumped. Soon after, the old farmer died, presumably of radiation poisoning, but not before the leader of this cult found out about the hand and came to the farmer to purchase it.
And then, somehow, Kolosimo had learned of the hand, and it wasn’t long before Ricky had become fixated on it.
Well, tonight Jimmy was sure he’d be driving back to the house with good news and a present. Maybe this would save Springsteen from some misfortune, after all. God knew that Jimmy Tassone preferred the Boss’s music over the music of his own boss any day.
* * *
The others were sleeping in the house; the adjacent garage had been made into a temple, locked and very difficult to break into from outside. But Joey had a key, and he let Jimmy into the house to creep into the garage-shrine also.
The walls had been painted black, and odd geometric patterns had been painted across the surfaces. Ricky
Joey called his attention to a table in the center of the room. A black cloth covered the table, and a smaller cloth shrouded the object atop it.
“Here it is,” whispered Joey, drawing away the veil.
Unconsciously, Jimmy kept several paces distant, as if what he expected to see in the big jar was one of those hand-like crab creatures from
Well, it was a hand, but not very lethal-looking. It lay on its stump at the bottom of a jar filled with formaldehyde, despite the fact that the thing was clearly mummified. Its bones were delicate and small; it might have been the hand of a child. The fingers
“They pass it around and let the spirit of the owner communicate to them through it…send them prophecies,” Joey explained.
“You?”
“Not fully initiated yet. I’m still being prepared.”
Jimmy drew close to the container. “Well, if Ricky wants to puree this thing and make it into a chocolate and formaldehyde milkshake, that’s his problem, right, Joe? But what say we take their god and go get us a real drink somewhere, huh?”
Joey nodded vigorously, glad his mission was over.
“What is going on out here, Joe—
Joey whipped around with a gasp. In the doorway leading into the house stood Warren, the leader of the People, wearing rumpled pajamas and a rumpled expression of confusion.
“Oh, ah, Warren, this is my friend…”
“Yeah,” Jimmy said, lifting the silenced Beretta from under his coat and pointing it.
“Christ, man!” Joey hissed. “Christ!”
Warren grunted at the impacts and slumped in the threshold. Jimmy went to him, took him by the arm and helped him half up, dragged him into the temple and closed the door into the house. Then he let go of Warren’s arm and shot him once more in the back of the skull.
Jimmy turned to Joey. “Can’t let little Ricky down, Joe. C’mon, we’re outta here.”
* * *
“You did well, boys…I’m so proud of you.” Ricky hugged Jimmy, then Joey, who was swaying. Ricky smelled Joey’s breath and held him away by the arms. Joey didn’t look well.
“It was a tough mission for Joe.” Jimmy spoke up quickly in his defense.
“Of course it was.” Ricky patted Joey’s arms. “Go get some sleep in the green guest room, Joe.”
“Thanks, Ricky…thanks.” Joey staggered off.
“Well…here’s someone else who’s imbibed a bit too heavily tonight, though I told him not to.” Ricky moved further down the conference table to where Kolosimo was slumped, more disheveled than ever. Abruptly, Ricky snatched hold of Kolosimo’s hair and yanked him half out of his seat. Through gritted teeth, the satin-robed diminutive star hissed, “Look, you sorry son of a bitch, I want you to make this shake tonight and I want you to do it right! You understand me, you puke?” With his high-pitched voice, Ricky sounded like an infuriated Mickey Mouse.
“Yes…yes,” the old man groaned. Ricky let him go, dragged the heavy jar across the table toward him, unscrewed the lid. Jimmy smelled the released stink. Rolling back his sleeve, Ricky glanced up into Jimmy’s eyes, then plunged his own delicate hand into the fluid.
The gnarled black hand dripped. Ricky pushed it into the fleshy hands of Kolosimo. “What do you feel, Kol?” he demanded.
The psychometrist held the dripping hand against his forehead. The other two stood over him staring.
“Oh…uhhh,” mumbled Kolosimo. Then:
This seemed to please Ricky, however. He nodded for Strappado and Bastinado to emerge from the shadows. They lifted Kolosimo under the arms, took him and the hand away.
Ricky invited Jimmy to join him for a midnight snack while they waited. They had hamburgers and fries brought to them right there at the gothic conference table. Jimmy didn’t like being alone with Ricky, but they mostly ate in silence. Just as they were finishing, the handsome and mime-silent teen age boy who had served them their meal reentered with two metal tumblers on a tray. They were frappes, and one was set down in front of Jimmy. His stomach churned.
Ricky saw Jimmy’s barely checked revulsion and giggled. “Don’t worry, Jimbo, yours is vanilla. I get the chocolate.” And with that, Ricky Concertina lifted the tumbler to his lips and began swallowing the thick chocolate-flavored concoction. Jimmy couldn’t help but openly stare.
“Ahh,” breathed Ricky, setting the cup down and smiling at Jimmy. He popped a few fries in his mouth before he polished off the rest of his drink.
Vanilla or not, Jimmy barely tasted his shake.
* * *
The next several months abounded with activity as a heavily inspired Ricky Concertina not only finished up his album, but rushed it into its advertisement, promotion and sales strategies, consulted with his makeup and wardrobe people to establish an updated look, shot videos, and even mapped out his initial tour agenda. Those unable to keep up with the hectic pace were unceremoniously axed.
To achieve greater inspiration, Ricky kept handing lists over to Jimmy—shopping lists from hell. Ricky wanted something from Elvis. Not too surprising—Jimmy had been expecting that one. But requesting items from Jim Jones, Charles Manson and Grigori Rasputin?
Kolosimo had vanished shortly after the night Jimmy delivered the mummified hand. He never asked Ricky about it, but he did notice that Ricky now made his own milk shakes. And whenever Jimmy brought him a new acquisition, Ricky would hold it to his own forehead to test its powers first, as if he had stolen this ability from his former mentor.
* * *
The opening night of the concert tour was a zoo. Utter, unheard of madness. A phenomenon. The press was so abundant that a lesser artist would have exalted at their number of bodies alone. For all his efforts, Jimmy was invited to be amongst those backstage, though his talents were not required tonight.
Ricky’s eyes were so bright and yet so glazed, Jimmy might have thought he was on drugs if he didn’t know how much Ricky abhorred drugs. They didn’t talk; Ricky kept himself sequestered for the most part. Jimmy wasn’t sure what form the mummified hand’s inspiration had taken exactly, but Ricky had been keeping to himself like never before. Jimmy no longer dared to mock or doubt Ricky behind his back for fear of it reaching his pierced ears. Only the money kept Jimmy on this ship.
The roars…the screams…the cheers as Ricky Concertina appeared amidst clouds of dry ice and lightning-flash strobes…like some newborn god.
The music pounded into life—crashing, thumping synthesized drum beats—like a great factory firing up its machines. And almost instantly, as if he’d timed it perfectly—and perhaps he had—Ricky Concertina transformed before his audience…
It was horrible, and it was the hideousness of it that mesmerized Jimmy now. Ricky went into spasms that at first he thought were a frenzied dance. But then the frail little man pitched forward onto hands and knees. Jimmy almost started out onto the stage to help him, but froze as black suds spewed from Ricky’s mouth, bubbling up from his back through his splitting glittery jacket. Soon Ricky was a mass of iridescent black foam.
The audience was shrieking, crying out to the star.
A tormented shape forced itself up to its feet, the suds clinging thickly to it. It was a bent, twisted figure, gnarled and misshapen, the head an immense loaf, globs of cauliflower-like flesh protruding from the naked body. The creature wailed as it was sucked back down into the foam.
“We have to help him!” Strappado the inscrutable cried.
“Good God,” breathed Jimmy as the suds melted away abruptly. Left in their place was a black, glistening heap of ooze…smooth and amorphous. Little forks of greenish electricity branched out of it like serpent tongues. Center stage, musicians bolted. A female dancer ran too close…
“No!” cried Jimmy as the blob lashed out, caught her ankle, drew her toward it.
A maw opened, lined with dozens of flicking green electric tongues. The woman was swallowed; her shape bucked and thrashed inside the ooze as if under a blanket.
Jimmy reached inside his coat for his Beretta, but Strappado shoved him aside, charged out onto the stage.
“Ricky! Ricky!” he yelled.
A pseudopod formed instantly, back-handed the big man, the blow casting him out several rows into the audience. They roared.
“Help me, damn it!” Jimmy yelled across the stage to Bastinado. “Help me!” And with that, Jimmy stepped out into the multi-colored lights and fluttering strobes.
A moment later, Bastinado followed suit, drawing his own automatic. Jimmy fired into the semi-fluid mass first, then they were both firing continuously as they approached the horror from either side. The bullets lodged in the thing, not passing through or ricocheting off the floor. They seemed to be hurting the creature. The maw opened wide in an ungodly, otherworldly high-pitched wail. The tongues of lightning sought to reach out at first one man, then the other. Jimmy and Bastinado wisely stayed clear and kept firing from a safe distance. The music still boomed mindlessly from computerized equipment, and the vast hall thundered with the rhythm of the audience stamping their feet in unison.
Jimmy had emptied his Beretta but Bastinado kept blasting. The ooze reared up suddenly to a height of a dozen feet. At the top of this pillar of slime was the wailing mouth. Jimmy wanted to flee, but gaped at the towering nightmare, transfixed.
It fell. It fell toward him. A falling tree. A tidal wave. Space itself hurtling down at him. He screamed. The creature turned to foam, and the foam turned to mist, just as it was upon him. The fine wet mist breezed gently across his face, and yet Jimmy still crumpled to his knees and dropped his forehead to the stage. He hadn’t fainted entirely, however. He could still feel the vibration of the auditorium through his forehead as the thousands stomped their feet, though his hearing had abruptly shut off.
The doctors would tell him the damage had come from the high-pitched cries of the monster, but Jimmy would always wonder if it hadn’t been the rapturous chanting of the audience as well.
It was the best concert they had ever seen.
Black Walls
1: RED GLASS
Johnny Belfast’s gun jammed, as if it too were obeying the red light. It gave Heron time enough to pull his own piece, a Glock that had been napping like a guard dog under a jacket on the passenger’s seat. Belfast hadn’t thought Heron would be packing, hadn’t realized Heron was fully aware of the danger he was in, and made the mistake of trying to work the slide of his weapon to clear the round. The Glock started barking, the guard dog roughly awakened. But while Heron was busy shooting wildly out one window, Drake had run up to the passenger side of the car and fired in through another. Belfast and Heron both took one in the head at the same time, but Drake had a sawed-off pump loaded with double odd buckshot, each shell’s nine pellets thick as a rifle slug, so Heron definitely got the worst of it as a firing squad of nine men turned his skull to skeet dust.
Belfast lay on his back in the middle of the street, a light spring rain sprinkling his face. It wasn’t rain water he felt running across his forehead, though, winding into his shirt collar; a creepy sensation almost more troublesome than the pain that spiked his head to the pavement. He saw the stoplight swing like a pendulum in the strong breeze, like a red lantern being waved over him. It reminded him of those red glass lanterns with candles in them in the Catholic cemetery where he had gotten high as a teen. The light had changed that color several lifetimes ago, when Heron pulled his car to a stop at the silent midnight intersection. Drake had pulled up right behind him, and Belfast had been out the door in a blur of black coat, black gun. Now, at last, the light changed green, spring green, but the two cars still sat there and the blood kept flowing down his head, annoyingly into his ear now, too, and he knew
Then, hands on him. He swung his pistol, still gripped, and almost clipped Drake across the temple. Drake pinned his arm and swore at him. “Hey, it’s me! Damn, man…damn! Look at you!” Dogs had begun barking, dark faces must be pressed to dark windows. Drake seized Belfast by the coat front and hoisted him to his feet.
“Get in the car, man, before somebody comes. What the hell, Johnny? You said you didn’t need my help!”
“Jammed,” Belfast mumbled, shuffling along, his arm around Drake’s shoulders.
“You should have used mine. God damn, look at you! Look at you!” And he shoved the bleeding man into the passenger’s seat.
Their car backed up a bit, then surged forward, swerving around Heron’s. Leaning against his door, head tipped against the glass so that blood began running into the corner of his mouth, Belfast saw that Heron’s wipers were still sweeping in a futile attempt to wipe away all the red liquid sprayed on the inside, but only smeared the red-lit water on the outside as the stoplight changed colors again.
2: MAGIC BULLET
Again, they waited at a stoplight. Distantly, the keening banshees of sirens like a growing chorus of the damned. Drake looked over at his partner. “You still alive?” he asked shakily.
From the murk, a soft wet whisper. “Think so.”
“We’ll get you to the apartment. I’ll have Doc Cool come over. Too risky to take you to a hospital. It can’t be in your brain, man, or you’d be toast! I’ll have Doc Cool come over. It musta just like deflected off your skull, man.”
Johnny Belfast did not protest this plan of action, or inaction. He was occupied wondering if the blood he tasted was partially that of their victim, sprayed in his face to mix with his own. There was an alien taste to the blood, as if what little of his blood he had sucked from a sliced finger or busted lip over the years had imprinted its own unique character on his palate.
Yes, he decided, he could taste Heron’s life stuff blended with his own. He became aware that he was rubbing at the wound just at his hairline. At that moment, realizing that he was fingering the bullet hole, realizing he was tasting Heron’s blood, another realization came to him, not as a possibility but as stark naked fact.
Heron’s shots had been close, but none had fully struck him. Belfast dropped his hands to his coat, rummaging through its folds until he poked a finger through a hole that wasn’t made for a button. Lifting his T-shirt, he saw blood oozing from a raw furrow across the outside of his chest, on the left, where a slug had skated along a rib. Heron was no trigger; he had never shot a man before. But Drake had. Drake had stooped down to expertly aim in at their victim’s head. And it was a ball of OO buckshot that had caromed from Heron’s exploded skull, up and out the driver’s window to bury itself in Belfast’s skull. He knew this. It was as though his fingers could feel the shape of that deeply buried ball of lead, like a dark pearl folded in the tender oyster of his brain. It was as if those tissues could taste the projectile, and tell its origin. It had been a miracle that Heron’s several panicked shots had all but missed him at that range. It had been another miracle that a magic bullet had passed through Heron’s brain and into that of the man hired to kill him.
The light changed, the car jumped into movement, Belfast’s head was slung back against the seat by the lurch. He turned arctic eyes on his friend’s tense profile. Drake had been trying to save his ass, but the idiot had fired with him just behind their victim. Belfast was too dazed, too numbed to be enraged. Staring at his friend, his eyes bright in a dark mask of blood, he felt…irritated? Bitter? He felt, most of all, disoriented…
Staring made his head hurt. He closed his eyes. Maybe he should sleep. Maybe he should die.
3: TERROR INCOGNITA
When again he opened his eyes, their lashes heavy with gummed blood, Belfast saw it was snowing. The sky just above the city glowed with its pink night haze like radioactivity, but beyond that where the heavens turned black they were swarming with glowing flakes. Yet the more Belfast gazed on this churning blizzard, the more he doubted his interpretation. It wasn’t only that it was April, but, in looking down at the street, he saw no snow on the ground. It wasn’t even raining any longer.
He decided it was his head wound, making faint lights swim behind his eyes, showing up better against the dark. Against black, specifically; he saw nothing, really, in the shadows of the car, but against his coat, dyed the actual color black, he observed the phenomenon with increasing clarity. Only, against the sky the lights were tiny, distant. Against his coat, the lights were large and close, if no brighter.
First, they mesmerized him. Then, as he watched them, he began to feel fear. He had been too stunned by the wound to feel concern before. The reality of his wounding had become unreal. But this phenomenon, which had to be unreality, had engaged his emotion.
Against his black sleeves, he saw rags of membrane sailing past, tumbling, tatters of ectoplasmic tissue floating in a black sea. One of these vague phantasms swam nearer to him, seemed to gaze at him from his sleeve as if it were pressing its face to a narrow window. For it was a face, he realized, this close up. Indistinct, a rough sketch; blurred smudges of dark eye sockets, a mouth gaping and yawning and working soundlessly like that of a fish sucking air from water. Then the face ducked down out of sight. On his other sleeve, another face had been peering at him, but darted away when discovered, trailing its ragged, ethereal vestments.
“Oh God…oh God.” Belfast clamped his hands over his eyes.
“What is it?” Drake asked, startled, turning to look at him. Belfast uncovered his eyes. Saw the driver’s face. The driver’s pupils were black, black as obsidian, and in them, swirling soft lights like fireflies in summer grass. Or will-o’-the-wisps, in cemetery grass.
“What?” Drake asked again.
The shotgun rested between them. Belfast scooped it up, worked the slide
“You did this to me,” Belfast told the corpse, his own voice drowned out by the ringing aftershock of the twelve gauge.
He pushed the second headless man he had seen this night out into the street, scooted over to sit in the puddle on the driver’s side, wiped the windshield with his arm, and put the car in motion again. While he drove, he tried not to look at his sleeves. But above the city, the sky still seethed as if with volcanic ash.
4: REMAINS TO BE SEEN
He left the car a block from his apartment in the suburbs of the city. Large old houses with trees and scraps of yard between them, once the domiciles of the wealthy, now tenements for minorities and cheap housing for students at the college nearby. He didn’t like abandoning the vehicle this close to home, but had no choice; walking just a block so covered in blood was a great risk. Fortunately, Drake had left his baseball cap in the car, and Belfast clamped that over his head after wiping his face as best he could with Drake’s jacket. At least the car belonged to Drake, and not him. He walked to his building without incident. Belfast felt surprisingly well for a man who had been shot in the head; he did not stagger or trudge, but walked briskly and silently. Even the pain in his head was bearable, no worse than one of his hangovers. Trees rustled dreamily in the night breeze. He glanced at his watch to see that it was one o’clock in the morning. A week night, so things were quiet. A car drove by him with rap music booming, the sound forcing his heart to beat in sync briefly, but continued on into the night. Belfast walked with his head lowered to obscure his face…and so that he wouldn’t see the sky. He felt small and vulnerable, exposed under its vastness. All those billowing ghosts.
Inside at last, and he mounted the stairs to his second floor apartment. Somehow, though, he had lost his apartment key. He had done this before, however, and so he kept a spare hidden in a crack in the hall baseboard; dug it out. At last, he let himself into his apartment, locking the door behind him.
He tried to minimize his noise as he put on the kitchen light, then moved into the bathroom. He mustn’t wake Sheila, who had to work in the morning. He thought it was funny, being considerate about that. Never mind that he didn’t want her to come out and see her new husband with a bullet hole in his scalp.
In the bathroom mirror he examined the damage. The wound was clotted, remarkably didn’t even bleed any more. His hair was thickly matted, his face a smear. He should shower before Sheila saw him like this, but was afraid to unplug the wound. He stuck a band-aid over it. Again, he considered his actions amusing—until he noticed his eyes in the mirror, saw little phosphorescent fish swimming in them, and got out of the claustrophobic room.
In the kitchen, he opened a beer. He should call Doc Cool over here. Sheila would want him to go to the hospital, but he couldn’t take that chance. He seemed to be doing well enough. Except for the…hallucinations. No, Sheila didn’t even know that he was a criminal. A hired killer. Mass murderer. She would wake up to a whole new life. He wanted to spare her that horror as long as he could. She wouldn’t stay with him, and why should she? No, he was not anxious to wake her up to lose her. Let her sleep in peace a short while longer. Let him have the peace of her sleeping here a short while longer. The end of a dream.
Beer in hand, he went to look in on her, saw only shadows within shadows, but hers the warm nucleus of that dark cell. No ghosts to be seen, until his eyes fell on one of her enlarged photographs, black and white, framed on the wall. Somehow, its pure black was a window to that other world where mere shadow wouldn’t suffice. He saw movement in the black parts of the photo, and would have stepped back out of the threshold, except that as his eyes grew accustomed to the gloom he realized Sheila was not at its center after all. He flipped the light switch. A bundle of blankets and pillow, like a soft afterimage of her. So where was she? He turned from the room, leaving also the photo, which had not been stilled with the light.
Not in the living room, either. The one room that remained to be searched was the other bedroom. This, Sheila had made into her darkroom. The door was closed. Perhaps she had waited up for him, despite it being a work night, and was busy at her labors of love. He went to the door, rapped lightly, steeling himself for their confrontation.
Sheila worked for a print shop where she had been their one-person camera crew for two years. But technology had changed and even that old print shop, reluctant to spend the money to update its techniques, had finally given in to it. Artwork was now scanned rather than shot, even though photographs, when scanned, did not have the smoothness of the half-tones Sheila preferred. Still, even with the old technology it had hardly been a craft, let alone an art; just a less computerized mass production. Sheila was now learning the scanner. But he knew it troubled her more than it had already troubled her to work in the plant. When first out of college, she had pursued work as a photo-journalist…but her portfolio had been deemed too artsy, too studied, and Belfast could understand that. She was more inclined to photograph a burned doll than the house fire in progress. He had urged her to employ her talents, her inclinations, toward advertising photography. She had made a slight, defeated attempt. Only her love of photography had remained strong, somehow, when her efforts to live on it had waned. One of these days, she told him, when she had accumulated a worthy enough body of work, she would try to stage her own exhibition. She might be discovered, make a name, be accepted into museums. One day…
He knocked again, more loudly. “Sheila?”
He worshiped her, his young bride. Would do anything for her. Had done things for her, lately, she wasn’t even aware of. He wanted to get her out of that plant. Out of this blighted city. They should travel across the country, across Europe, visiting galleries, bringing her work to show and sell. He had gotten himself involved in shadowy actions. He had gone too far, he knew, through a black doorway, and now…now…people wanted to kill him…he had betrayed someone…but most of all, he had betrayed Sheila…yet the details knotted and blurred in his wounded mind, and he let them go.
Instead of thinking, he turned the knob of the darkroom’s door.
She was not here. Neither the red lights nor the regular lights were on. He put on one of the latter, but even before he did so, he regretted opening this door.
Over the two windows she had taped sheets of red acetate, so that they appeared to be slabs of ruby. The shades were only half drawn, and through the dark red glass glowed street lamps and, further away, city lights. It was an effect they both liked, and they wondered what the neighbors thought, seeing the dark red windows glowing from the other side. They might believe some ungodly supernatural rituals were performed in here.
Their opinions would not have been helped by the color of the walls. Sheila had painted the walls entirely black. Only the floor and ceiling had she spared, though had it not been for the landlord she would have coated them as well.
But now, for Belfast, it was like the room had no walls at all. He was reminded of staring into the great central tank, several stories tall, in the city’s aquarium. Watching sharks and rays glide past like deformed angels. But again it was as though there were no walls, not even the foot thick glass of that tank. It was as though he faced the void of deep space itself…and saw the creatures that lived between stars.
The apparitions swarmed, full size, in great numbers. For the first time, he could clearly take in their entire forms. They fluttered like jellyfish, lazily flapped their limbs like stingrays as they drifted, would suddenly change direction and dart away like startled fish. And they were all looking back at him. They pressed their sketchy faces and the smoky, long-fingered suggestions of hands to the walls, as if to push through to reach him.
Somehow, he knew he was not hallucinating. Somehow, the bullet in his head had made him a new eye. An eye that could see into the world where he had sent the men he killed. The world he had cheated tonight. And that was it, wasn’t it? These specters, jealous, demanded that he join them…
Belfast backed out of the room. “I won’t,” he whispered, shaking, but strong. “I’m not going with you.” Now so many of them pressed unmoving to the walls that it was like looking out on a rapt audience. “Leave me alone!” he hissed, and slammed the door shut.
He turned, and there was Sheila, and she screamed, and in his terror he tore his gun out of his coat and pointed it at her face.
5: DOUBLE ODD
“No, please!” Sheila blubbered, raising her arms to cover her face. “Don’t!”
“Oh, God, I’m sorry,” Belfast groaned, lowering his still inoperative weapon. He took a step toward her.
“No!” she cried again, backing against the wall of the hallway, trapped there, still cringing. “Don’t hurt me!”
“Sheila.” He reached out to gently touch her hair. He loved her hair. Honey blond, it fell to the small of her back.
“Who are you?” she sobbed hopelessly. “What are you doing here?”
His hand halted, doubted itself, lowered. Was his face so stained in blood that she didn’t recognize him? “Baby, it’s me—Ron.”
“Ron!” she shrieked, at last looking straight at him, meeting his eyes. Hers were red and raw as if she had been weeping for hours, before he had even startled her with the pistol. “You aren’t Ron! Who are you? You’re the one, aren’t you? You’re the one who killed him!”
“Killed him?” Belfast chuckled nervously. “Honey, wh…what are you talking about? Are you all right? Look, it’s me…”
“I don’t know you!”
“You’re talking crazy, okay?”
“You’re the crazy one! You are! You killed my husband, didn’t you? And then you come here and tell me you’re
Oh…of course…he understood. Someone must have called, told her he’d been shot in the head. Of course she would think he was dead. And now, his face brown and flaking with dried blood (face like a burned doll) and hair caked with it, she didn’t know it was him. “Baby,” he went on soothingly, “it’s Ron. I didn’t die. I…”
“Ron did die!” she blurted at him, her eyes going crazed, tendons standing out in her long neck. A vein showed in her forehead. In her fear of him, she was still strong enough to show him rage. “I just came from seeing him! All that you left of him! He doesn’t have a head! My husband doesn’t have a head! I had to identify him by his clothes, his wedding ring, the tattoo on his chest! But he has no face! No head! And you killed him! I know it was you!”
Belfast studied this woman. She was acting like someone else, someone he didn’t even know. But…but he did know her. He remembered their wedding. She had been transcendently beautiful in her gown, tall as she was, a commanding work of art in her own right. He remembered their honeymoon in Florida; it had emptied their pockets. (Someday, he had promised her, they would see the world, not fabricated fragments of it at the Epcot Center.) He remembered when they had met at college. He was immediately taken with her. She was taller than he, slender, long-legged, long-haired. She had a prominent nose that would not be flattering were it not for her pretty eyes and mouth; instead, it gave her a distinct, unusual look that made her all the lovelier. He first realized she liked him when they were chatting outside between classes, one afternoon, and she stretched her arms above and behind her head while they conversed. He had had women do this with him before. An unconscious, instinctual action, like a dog walking in circles to clear imaginary grass before it lies down. She was arching her back, thrusting out her chest in a peacock’s posing, but more importantly, he felt, shooting little pheromone darts like Cupid arrows from her underarms. Animal signals, big smiles, talk of art. They had connected on every level all at once, in a delirious moment that he still thought of as one of the greatest of his life.
Now, looking into each other’s eyes, they seemed not to know each other…
“It was Drake,” he muttered, unsure of his words, of everything now. Drake had no head. It had to have been Drake she saw. But she wouldn’t know that name…
The hall was lined with more of her photographs. One of these was indeed a burned doll. It had one good eye, and the black empty skull socket showed white larval forms wriggling inside. Another photo, less grim, colored, showed the two of them in Florida. An old woman had snapped the photo for them. Hair blowing, eyes squinted in the sun, arms around each other…
But, reflected in the glass of a photo closer to him, Belfast saw another face. It wasn’t the face in the photograph, the face of Ron Heron. It was the face from the mirror when he had arrived home. It was…another man’s face…
He was thus distracted, thus confused, when Sheila took another photo down from the wall and swung its side against his skull like an ax. Glass broke. Belfast dropped to his knees. Sheila whirled to bolt, shrieking for help. Belfast’s vision began to go black…and he fell forward.
But as he did so, he reached out and caught Sheila’s ankle; held on tight. She fell with him, still screaming, and Belfast felt as though they tumbled together down a deep, black well.
6: A SIEGE OF HERONS
“Stop,” Johnny Belfast murmured, pointing his gun at her with his right hand, still grasping her slim ankle with his left. She was kicking out at his face, as if she hadn’t caused enough damage with the metal picture frame; blood was oozing around the band-aid on his forehead.
She didn’t know the gun was inactive, and obeyed him, her hoarse screams dwindling to ragged gasps and whimpers. Unsteadily, he rose to his feet over her. She remained lying there, drawing her long body into as small a ball as she could, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Sheila,” he began, but he stopped. Yes, he knew her name now because he had heard himself say it, but he didn’t know what she looked like naked. He did not know what she had looked like in her wedding gown. He did know, now, that he was not her husband, any more than this was his home. Any more than Ronald Heron had been a hired killer. Heron had gotten himself into deep, dark waters. He had made a man want to kill him. But it was he, Johnny Belfast, who was the murderer. Somehow, his memories of himself had become tangled with those of the man he had been sent to kill. Their bloods mixed in his mouth, their brain cells blended in his skull by the shot ball which had merged them in some perverse intercourse.
“Sheila,” he started anew, “I…I did kill your husband. Well…I didn’t. My friend did. But I…meant to kill him. But your husband…he got inside me. He’s still inside me…”
“Go away,” the tall woman moaned in a very small voice, a traumatized child. “Please…just go away…”
“Listen. I’m…I’m sorry, what I did. I understand why you hate me. I feel his pain…your husband’s pain. I’m sorry, Sheila.” A stream of blood trickled into his eyebrow. A tear dropped onto his cheek. “I love you,” he husked. “I’m sorry. I love you…”
From behind the door of the darkroom, he heard the cries of the dead. Growing louder, piercing his skull. But no; sirens. The night was alive with them, like harpies.
He knelt by her, timidly touched her leg. She flinched slightly, that was all.
“Sheila…remember in Florida?” he croaked. “In Disney World…in the Haunted Mansion? While we were on the ride, it broke down or something? We were stuck in one place for about fifteen minutes, and the mechanical ghosts kept popping up over and over? Do you remember that?”
“Stop it,” Sheila whispered.
“To save money, we didn’t use the hotels…we pitched a tent on a lot in the Fort Wilderness campground? And every morning we’d get our coffee at that little store, and sit on the back porch and feed those ducks that pant like dogs?”
“Ron told you this. You aren’t Ron. Please don’t…please…”
“He’s here. I’m here. We’re…together…”
A moment, and then: “What did we find near the porch?”
“What did we find? You mean…the nest?” They had found eggs in a nest right against the side of the porch. One of the ducks, too greedy for snacks to lay its eggs in a safer place, away from curious children. One day they had discovered the eggs missing, and had been of the hope that the eggs had been safely moved by some employee.
Sheila raised her head from the floor. “Oh my God,” she said. “Oh my God…Ron…”
“Police! Don’t move!”
Of course, Belfast moved. He spun toward the voice out of sheer surprise. At the end of the hall, a police officer with a gun steadied in both fists. The screaming, someone had heard the screaming, or found Drake’s car close by, and the police had come in unheard, Sheila had left the door unlocked, and the cop saw the gun in Belfast’s fist, and Belfast saw ghosts playing across the visor of the cop’s cap and across the metal of his gun…
“Don’t!” Sheila cried at the officer, even as he opened fire.
He was a better shot than Heron had been. Belfast was kicked backwards, his weight bursting open the door of the darkroom. He fell on his back on its floor.
“No!” he heard Sheila cry. “No!”
Around him, the walls were alive with the dead. They ringed the room, their luminous tatters blowing in the winds of limbo. They reached out their glowing hands to him, elongated claws hooked with hunger. Scores of mouths yawning wide…
But the ceiling, mercifully, was still white. He kept his gaze trained there. And then, Sheila’s face entered his vision, her long hair falling down, touching his face. Somehow, the dead did not dance in the black of her eyes.
“Ron,” she whispered. “I love you.” And she touched the face she didn’t know.
“I love you,” Johnny Belfast said, and then died.
John
It was raining hard on this fall night—but so much the better. In clear weather, his outlandish garb had inspired people to follow and harass him, to lift his long black cape for a look. Tonight, at a distance, he could pass for an old man bundled against the elements, hunched over as he walked with the aid of a cane. But of course, wet weather or no, his great cap would be considered odd…and especially the sack-like veil which hung down from it, a slit cut into the material for him to see through.
“Dear God!” many women had cried, when they saw the face shrouded behind that veil. But he didn’t hear this so much any more. No, not since dear Mr. Treves had rescued him from a pitiable life of exhibiting his terrible condition. No; in his small rooms at the back of the London Hospital, his mantel was overcrowded with portraits sent to him by lovely ladies of good standing. It was two years now since his life had changed so drastically, largely due to the efforts of his friend, the esteemed surgeon Frederick Treves. It was as though he had been reborn into an utterly different realm from that squalid hell he had known for over two decades.
So why should he have returned to it tonight, having sneaked out of his rooms where they opened up into a hospital courtyard? What would Treves think of this furtive nocturnal adventure? Even as he hobbled along, guilt weighed heavy in the already unwieldy head of John Merrick…formerly known as the Elephant Man.
But Treves, above anyone, should understand him. Treves should know that his yearnings, his dreams, his desires were as strong and vital as those in any man. They were as intact as the genitals that God had, out of mercy or out of cruelty, left totally unaffected by the hideous disorder.
His genitals and his left hand were both unaffected. And Merrick had previously combined the two so as to find relief from his great loneliness…usually while staring longingly at one or more of his many framed photographs. He had felt guilty enough on those occasions…but tonight was so much worse. Still, though both his body and his shame conspired to burden him, on he went through the night. It must have been well past midnight by now…closer to one.
The great sprawl of the hospital was looming there behind him as he turned into Aldgate. It wasn’t too far from here that he had been exhibited at the time Treves found him. He shuddered at the memory of that long-ago life. The rain had diminished but the wind flapped his veil as if trying to peek beneath it.
A woman was walking toward him from the opposite direction. Merrick swallowed involuntarily. Despite the course his life had taken in recent years, the pretty face of a woman could still frighten him as much as his twisted visage frightened her.
Was she pretty, this woman? Beautiful, perhaps, as his mother had been? Yes, his mother had abandoned him as a child. Yes, left him at a workhouse, never to see him again. Another man might harbor hatred for such a mother…but she had been so beautiful.
Merrick stopped at the entrance to Mitre Square, and watched fidgeting as the woman came closer. She was petite and slender, wearing a green dress with a print of lilies and daisies, a cloth jacket too light for the weather and a black bonnet. Merrick knew why she was out at this early hour. This was why he could summon the courage to beckon to the woman. When she reached him she stopped. It made his stomach gurgle the way she squinted to see into the black hole in the gray flannel of his shroud.
“Can I,” Merrick began, “may I…”
“What d’ya want, old man?” the woman asked, mistaking him for such.
“I’d like to…to pay you…to pay you, dear lady. For…for some kindness.”
“Dear lady?” she chortled. “Kindness?” Her bark of a laugh smelled strongly of gin. She cocked her head a bit as she squinted again at the mask. “What’s wrong with you, then?”
“Please?” Merrick began backing timidly into the square.
“Are you sure you’re able, old man? I don’t wantcha dyin’ atop me!” the woman laughed huskily, but she followed him as he led her into a passageway bordered by a wooden fence, at its end a gate, and a building of brick with a window covered by a steel grate. It was not a romantic spot, admittedly. But even in his most fervid dreams Merrick knew that he could not purchase romance. He could only hope to purchase release from his physical craving.
“First show me yer face, my fine gentleman,” the woman said.
“Please, I can’t ,” Merrick slurred, agitated. “I am…very ill.”
“If you’re so ill then I shouldn’t want to be with you, should I, then?”
“Let me show you my purse instead.”
The woman smiled in the gloom of the passage. “That sounds good enough.”
Merrick reached into his heavy cloak nervously with his good left hand, his right club of an arm hanging helplessly with a mitten over its end. Thus, he was unable to stop the woman when, on impulse, she reached out and lifted the veil anyway.
“Dear god!” she cried.
The club of a right arm smashed her across the face, shattering the bone in her nose. The woman spun, fell against the brick of the building. Merrick seized her now by the collar with his good hand, and repeatedly pounded her face against the bricks until she slithered supine to the wet sidewalk.
He descended upon her, then, wheezing in his efforts. Wheezing in his lust. Wheezing in his anger.
And now she wheezed, as the knife tore horribly through her throat. He plunged its hard metal length into her abdomen, penetrating her, filling her with the heat of his passion as it opened her up to steam in the cold air. This knife he had stolen from his dear friend Treves, the surgeon, might have saved countless lives. But now it had a new function.
The knife had silenced the mocking laughter of another woman only a few minutes earlier tonight. She wouldn’t even consider his proposition. He had wanted to tear her more, but had nearly been seen and he couldn’t afford that. He was too easily identifiable.
There had to be a wonan who would not laugh, not scream, not draw away from his ugliness. These whores had been in their forties, had teeth missing, hair turning gray; he had thought surely one of them would accept him. But one after another had rejected him. One after another had enraged him.
“You will look at me, my dear lady,” Merrick whispered to the woman splayed beneath him. He had slung her inner organs up over her shoulder, cut a kidney free and hidden it away inside his great black cloak. A prize from the secret hot interior of her mysterious woman’s body, like an idol stolen from a temple. “You will look at me,” he wheezed, slicing away the lids of her eyes until the woman did indeed stare up at him like a rapt lover.
Merrick pushed himself off her; rose, panting. He felt guilty again. If Treves only knew…his dear friend Treves. And all the others who looked after his welfare. He should have returned to the hospital after the first one tonight. He should never have embarked on this quest in the first place…
But there had to be a whore in this wretched slum desperate or drunk enough to take his money. To take his lust. He knew, despite the guilt, that he would hunt for that whore again. And despite the guilt, he felt a secret thrill at the warmth of the kidney cradled inside his coat, like a child born of his nightmare union with this woman. He would find a further thrill mailing it to the police with a little note, perhaps. He didn’t fully understand the nature of this thrill. It was, like his face, too horrible to stand close scrutiny in a mirror.
He would not sign his own name, of course. Not John. But a nickname for John, instead.
Jack.
John Merrick hobbled back toward London Hospital, where he lived. London Hospital, which despite its great size and kind surgeons looked directly and helplessly upon the squalor of Whitechapel Road.
Empathy
They would call it a murder-suicide, though it was never fully understood. Perhaps it was one, actually—in its way. Or perhaps it wasn’t just that Marie empathized with the things at Blue Flamingos, but they with her.
There were certainly enough traditional antiques to draw serious collectors, and some of them were willing to part with serious money. The vast ground floor was nearly as neatly laid out as a department store, with tables and counters and shelves, corridors built of merchandise. Clean, well-preserved merchandise; this was no flea market. Edwin had had his name, and the name
But it was the collectibles rather than the antiques for which the place was best known. The article could indicate that. Edwin was a collector of ‘50s paraphernalia. Art Deco furniture. Old radios; a whole tall shelf just of those in the darker, quieter, somewhat less orderly second story. Primitive futuristic TVs, the sad, unlit shells of arcade games, the colorless, translucent bones of neon signs. Items so odd and unique that people were willing to drive here from Boston sometimes for the chic junk of yesterday. Art Deco, old radios and jukeboxes were always hip, but also a few years ago there had been the resurgence of interest in the ‘60s, and
And Marie’s husband knew what they wanted because he loved these things as they did. He might not have been able to part with any of it, jealous collector that he was, if there wasn’t a constant stream of new things coming in to replace those that left. Flea markets, field auctions. He read obituaries, contacted relatives about the possessions of deceased parents and grandparents. College kids and Bostonians didn’t know where to go, and didn’t want the bother of that anyway. They would pay double, triple and more for their cherished junk, while throwing away the stuff they bought in the malls, the treasure of tomorrow’s scavengers.
“It’s like the ultimate attic!” one woman enthused to Edwin at the counter, paying thirty dollars for a Barbie doll he had acquired for five dollars, along with three others in a box of toys at a yard sale.
From across the room, dusting variegated displays that would make the Smithsonian’s attic collections boring by contrast, Marie watched as Edwin smiled at the woman and offered some obligatory banalities. Edwin wasn’t very good with small talk, just with the large talk of his drinking companions. Basically, Marie’s husband preferred things to the human beings who made them. But then, who didn’t?
* * *
As every day, after showering and cleansing herself, Marie set about polishing and cleaning the other, inanimate tenants of
Marie had just finished dusting a baby alligator, which reared on its hind legs like some mummified miniature dinosaur, now extinct. The bright pink feathers of the duster had snared on its grin of fangs and Marie dislodged them delicately with an apologetic smile. Lightly, with the ball of her thumb, she wiped the dust off its unblinking black eyes.
Marie also cherished the many things collected in her husband’s shop. She often felt more pained than he to see them leave. But hers was not the love of a collector. Marie had never collected anything in her life. As a deaf child, living in a school for deaf children during the week and with her mother in a two room apartment on weekends, she hadn’t had the private space to accommodate the luxury of collection. Marie was fond of malls in the way she was fond of museums. She loved to drink it all in, then went home full. She was not materialistic. She loved the collectibles and old things because they were bits and pieces of
Edwin had disgustedly given in to her pleading, for a while, to let her keep a certain old doll or teddy bear or children’s book, and bring it up to their apartment on the third floor, which for its decor could very easily have been mistaken for part of the store. But now he told her she had enough things, and he had a business to run. He made her feel guilty for her sensitivity, made her wonder if she really had gone overboard with it. He mocked her, for instance, for no longer accompanying him to field auctions because she couldn’t bear to see the boxes of rain-soggy stuffed animals, once warm with children’s hugs, and the rest of the items left for junk in the field after the bidders had picked what they really wanted from the boxes they bought—a corpse-strewn, muddy battlefield.
What Marie didn’t tell her husband, however, was that she mostly didn’t accompany him because she sensed that he didn’t really desire her company. He no longer offered to buy her a hot dog under the snack pavilion. No longer talked to her on the way home.
You would think that he didn’t know how to communicate with a deaf woman. He had attended classes for signing when they had first met five years ago, knew how to sign perfectly well…but that would require him to show too much of an interest in her. His brusque signs now were more like impatient gestures of dismissal than sign language.
It was a rainy October day today, and in fact Edwin was at an auction, so perfectly scheduled for such weather. Marie wandered now throughout the second floor, dusting. The shop was tended presently by Mrs. Morris, who couldn’t sign a jot and thus moved her mouth with ludicrous exaggeration so Marie could read her lips.
Dangling from the high ceiling were antlers and pop guns, catcher’s mitts and musical instruments. Marie worked her way toward the back, dusting the rows of uglier, less artistic steel and glass jukeboxes from the ‘50s and ‘60s. She had once been afraid to come up here alone, before she had dared to let herself feel that this was her home. Now when she occasionally glanced over her shoulder, it was only because she felt Edwin would be standing there, arms crossed, some complaint ready. The sad deer head, the fluorescent, crumbling papier-mache ghoul from a carnival horror ride didn’t mean her any harm.
At the end window she gazed down at the rain-blurred street. A young couple were running toward the building, his coat spread over both their heads. They were laughing. Marie smiled. Marie herself was only twenty-five. Edwin was a decade older. She wondered if that were part of his change. Maybe he resented her youth. Maybe subconsciously the discard he saw on days like today ate at him, too…reminded him of his mortality, and the fact that he would never be remembered as a Barble doll or Wurlitzer 1015 is remembered.
As she did every day, now that she accepted the fact that her husband no longer loved her, Marie tried to fathom his change. The rain helped her abstract and liberate her thoughts, and to travel back in time.
He had never been a sunny man. She had made the error, as so many women do, of mistaking surliness for sexiness. And his artistic air had been even easier to interpret as romantic. For Edwin’s true desire had been to be a painter. He hadn’t painted in two years. When she first knew him he would still contribute to the town’s annual art show, and sold the occasional piece. But even before Marie had met him he had given up trying to get backing for his own show. Now he had retreated to his world of things, no longer attempting to create new things of his own. Maybe, Marie wondered, he even resented his collections for the preservation and interest he and his art would never know in future times. Or maybe vicariously he sought longevity through association. But it was all connected. Art was things too, and it was with mute things that Edwin best interacted. Because he didn’t seek true interaction. He just wanted to paint himself into an environment worthy of his complex identity. He had boasted to one drinking buddy that he was a cross between Salman Rushdie and Cat Stevens. He was
Marie hurriedly finished up so she could return downstairs and steal peeks at the attractive young couple. They didn’t notice her at first, so stealthy was she in her own silence, but the girl gave her a glance. The boy gave her a glance, and a second glance with a smile tossed in. Marie was beautiful—dark-haired, full-lipped, the lips ever sealed into a unit, it seemed, though she could speak in her difficult way when she occasionally chose. Large-breasted, small and slender. God, in His wise-guy’s wisdom, had given her all but the ability to hear. She would have deflated her breasts for that. But then, would Edwin have married her, had she been less attractive, though hearing? She doubted it, these days. Doubted it severely. Simply because his passion for her body was as strong now as it had been five years ago. He held onto her in his private collection for that reason alone.
Maybe he had collected her for that reason alone in the first place, though now he was better able to pare his motivation down to its reality, uncluttered by pretenses of love and affection. Yes—maybe he had never loved her. Watching the couple leave the store, Marie had tears in her eyes. No, he loved me, part of her countered desperately, almost panicking at the thought. But he’s grown more and more bitter with life. He’s close to me, and that’s why he can take it out on me.
Did she believe that? She certainly wanted to. But in recent months, she had come to feel that she had always been just another blue flamingo in Edwin’s collection. A glorified, extra realistic blow-up doll you didn’t need to talk to, who couldn’t voice complaint. A beautiful mannequin, to be put away with the rest of the attic treasures when not in use.
Deaf friends Marie had known in school, but now lost track of, had been feisty, taught to be independent and bold. But in others, the world crushed that, like a tank over a foot soldier. Friday, for instance, Marie had driven to the market to do the weekly grocery shopping. On the way to and from, impatient drivers cut her off, rode her tail, swore at her and thumped their wheels in frustration at her careful driving. In the store, she had to ask the man at the deli counter a question three times in order to read his lips, and she had read at last, “What are you, stupid?” A woman banged Marie’s hip with her cart without apology. Another, whose cart blocked the way, wouldn’t move it when Marie asked, forcing her to move the woman’s cart herself, in a rare act of boldness. Another woman had glared and actually pulled her child away when Marie patted its head. It was all just little things. But so many, and every day. This was common life. They could do this, though they would hate to have it done to them. They simply did not empathize with one-another, so obsessed were they with their own destinations and needs and desires.
Handicaps didn’t bring out the best in other people, either, she had found…but the worst. They activated the pecking order syndrome. The abolition of the weak, the mutant. They couldn’t empathize with that, because they didn’t want to imagine themselves that way. Acknowledge their frailty and mortality. So it was now, also, with the handicap of age. Old things were hip, but old people weren’t. The mutely strutting models on MTV were desirable objects, but not the silent reality. Edwin had once told Marie, when drunk and lofty-mouthed, that Renoir nudes didn’t sweat, didn’t have periods. Marie remembered that now and cemented her conviction once and for all.
Which hurt, because, either out of programmed masochism or simply the need to feel important to at least one person in this world, Marie still loved him.
* * *
It had taken Marie a while to figure out why she had such empathy for the stuffed alligator. Her feelings for the toys and knickknacks made more sense. Maybe because it had once been truly alive. And a baby, too. But there was a stuffed iguana, gray, its mouth filled with red-painted plaster, and some trophy heads of higher animals. It had to be that the thing was so shocking to see, its condition so cruelly unnatural and humiliating.
The alligator was positioned so as to stand on its hind legs and tail, a foot tall that way. In its outstretched arms, like Oliver Twist, it proffered a wooden bowl, presumably as a change holder. Maybe candy, depending on its artist’s perversity. Its hands were fastened to the bowl with nails; reptilian stigmata, a Lizard King of Kings. In its mouth it clamped a red light bulb. It was a table lamp. It was the bizarre and grotesque lengths someone had gone to that so disgusted Marie, and made her hurt for the thing. Like a shrunken head, or a lamp shade made from the skin of a Jew. A blasphemous work of art.
Staring at it, she turned the bulb on. Red light painted her face, and made reflected red pupils in the creature’s ebon eyes. She fantasized about burying the tortured creature.
Looking up, she was startled to see Edwin there smiling at her derisively. He was late back from the auction, and he’d been drinking already. “I’ll cry the day I have to part with that beauty,” he told her, though not in sign language. “I should just take it upstairs.”
“It’s horrible and sick,” Marie signed to him. She hadn’t wanted to use the intimate awkwardness of her voice with him for weeks now.
“I saw you mooning over it. Don’t get disgusted at me; I didn’t kill the thing.” Edwin joined Mrs. Morris behind the counter. “I’ve loved that thing since I saw it,” he told the older woman. “Freaky.”
“You like the freaky, Ed,” she replied distractedly, otherwise occupied. Though she didn’t exaggerate her mouth’s movements, Marie could read her lips.
“When I was young you could still go to a carnival and see those deformed babies in bottles they called pickled punks, before somebody made a stink about transporting dead bodies over state lines. If I could find any of them today I’d buy them and put them upstairs for sure. How’s that for freaky?”
“Yuck.”
“Marie.” He looked up at her. “I’m wet; go make me a cup of coffee, will ya?” He was good-naturedly ugly from drinking and from coming back empty-handed from the hunt.
Marie didn’t doubt at this moment that Edwin would also buy a shrunken head or a lamp shade of human skin if he could find them. She shut off the bulb and moved to the stairs.
Freaky, her mind echoed.
* * *
The smell of sex always seemed to repulse Edwin afterwards, so he went to take one of his long, languid baths with a paperback and a scotch Marie brought to him. She left him and went down into the store, to sit by the shelf of old books and read in her own manner…maybe to fill the void of emptiness inside her with something at least dustily alive.
She chose a book she had browsed through repeatedly recently, a volume of poetry by Thomas Hardy. There was a poem she had read last time, and she looked for it again. As she flipped through, she glanced up at the alligator standing on the glass counter beside her. She felt the strange desire to change the red bulb to a normal one, and have the creature light her reading for her. An intimacy rather than an exploitation. She didn’t do it. She had found the poem:
The rain droned on outside as Marie read. Mrs. Morris had long since gone home, to discover the bodies tomorrow upon her return.
The poem told the story of a man who could no longer afford to keep his dog, and so he threw a stick into the water to trick it into drowning itself. The dog’s naive trust and love showed in its eyes as it bravely tried to paddle back to shore, the stick in its mouth. Finally it succumbed, however, sucked under by a strong current…but in dying, and realizing the treachery of its master in the face of its own unswerving loyalty, a look of contempt for the whole human race came into its eyes. Like a curse, said Hardy.
Marie empathized with the dog.
She shut the book. The salt in her tears burned the vulnerable surfaces of her eyes. She was moments from being swept under. Now she allowed herself to feel the hatred she had been repressing.
It felt like a curse.
Marie rested a hand on her thigh. In Maine as a child, when she was still considered retarded rather than deaf, a baby-sitter had purposely ground her heel into the top of that hand while Marie was playing on the floor…
And the thigh under her hand—Edwin had once kissed it, run his tongue along it. Well, he still did. But he had also crushed that thigh in his hand recently while they were in the car, so upset had he become at her driving. He hadn’t hit her—yet. Marie felt that first blow moving toward her through time. The bruises from his grip had taken days to fade…
Marie rose from the chair, slid the book back into the shelf. At a table close by she stood and gazed down at the unique items spread there. A tarnished pocket watch. Costume jewelry. Several ivory-handled straight razors, the blades old and brittle but still frighteningly sharp…
She sat back down beside the glass counter where the alligator stood, an array of African tribal masks hanging above it like an audience of spirits. Marie didn’t mind their company. They were a comfort, in fact. They could lead her away, if they wanted.
She rolled up the sleeves of her bathrobe, hating the smell of sex on her now also, and anxious to escape it. She
* * *
Mrs. Morris found Marie, and the horror of it made her scream. Pale as she was, Marie looked like a mannequin propped in her chair. Mrs. Morris cried out for Edwin, and bolted upstairs to wake him…
In the open doorway of the bathroom, Mrs. Morris screamed a second time.
It was a perverse way to kill a man, the police said when they came. As perverse in imagination as the creation of that lamp in the first place.
First they found a wooden bowl in the threshold of the bathroom. Then in the tub they observed the male corpse. He had died by electrocution, the cord of the lamp plugged into an outlet close at hand. But rather than simply toss the alligator lamp in there with him, the woman had gone to the trouble of stabbing the nails which protruded from the creature’s palms into the sides of her husband’s neck, so that the creature appeared to be strangling him.
But the sequence of all this was confusing. There was no great splashing of blood in the bathroom, so she had to have slit her wrists after the electrocution. How, then, or when, had the woman managed that other bizarre flourish…wetting the hind feet of the alligator in her blood, and tracking its prints up two flights of stairs and on into the bathroom?
“Freaky,” the policemen said, in disgust of her.
Mass Production
Harris shot his boss first. Though he would have liked to save the best for last, he was afraid that if he didn’t, the bastard might escape. Most of the people in the plant would escape; he had no delusions about killing them all…though God knew he had enough ammo, and enough inspiration, to do so.
He took the courtesy of knocking before he came in, and while his boss was in the middle of churning out one of his patented manufactured smiles, the kind that promised promotions, changes, raises that never came, Harris swept the ten pound Galil assault rifle out from under his rain-spattered coat, brought it up to point from the waist. Now he smiled. His boss didn’t. One cherry bomb crack for the group leader he never became. One crack for the unmade changes. One for the recently denied raise. And Harris made sure that the boss was conscious of the first two cracks before the merciful third. There. Now he’d take whoever else he could.
Turning back toward the door, he folded out the skeleton stock of the gun, an Israeli weapon roughly patterned after the AK-47. It had a thirty-five shot magazine. He had another magazine in one pocket, and a whole box of shells for the .357 revolver holstered on his belt. He had armed up and loaded up with the same care he had taken to shower and shave and dress…a little addition to the daily routine. He didn’t feel a hot, maddened surge inside him, to have set the machine into motion. He stepped out of the office and into the plant as if to go to work.
* * *
Thomas Willis Peterson was the head of maintenance, and at the time of the shooting was up on a step ladder replacing the blown fuse that had cut power for the processor upstairs. At first he thought it was something to do with the plant itself, until moments later he heard female screaming and the correct interpretation came to him. He almost fell coming down the ladder, and held onto it to listen as more gun shots rocked the plant…three in rapid succession. He tried to determine their direction, and to get parts of himself to believe what other parts knew was happening.
Warren was the supervisor upstairs, the one who had told Peterson the processor was down, the one who had insisted he stay and see to the problem himself although he had a dentist appointment at five and the second shift supervisor was certainly capable of changing a fuse. Peterson’s ten year old niece could change a fuse. But Warren had insisted, and here I am, Peterson thought, trapped in the building with somebody going nuts with a gun.
Warren didn’t get it yet, even with the screams and shouts. “What the hell is that?” he said indignantly, insulted at having been startled.
“Sounds like somebody’s on a spree out there,” Peterson said.
“What do you mean?”
“Kill spree. With a gun.”
“Bull-shit.”
“Why not go have a look? Sounds like it’s coming from the social presses.”
“For God’s sake,” Warren hissed, and actually stormed off in that direction as if to break up a squabble between two workers. Peterson had to snort at that. Good. He hated that arrogant dick. He’d put up with his crap for a good fifteen years now. Let him go walk into a bullet. Peterson was going to get the hell out of the plant.
He removed the noisy and heavy hindrance of his tool belt, but first drew from it a screwdriver with a very long blade. More shots. Chaos out there. The most Peterson had experienced in the way of excitement at work was presses running down and toilets running over. He had to smile. This would be on the news for sure. A dentist could be gone to any time.
* * *
Harris had dropped Chuck and Kevin, the two sub-moronic pressmen who had laughed at him several times, as they were wont to do with most everybody in their boozer-jock superiority and perfection. Harris had brought them down to earth—literally. Then he had swivelled and picked off a kid all the way down at the end of the line. He had walked in on the kid doing some coke in the men’s room one night. Scummy little loser. Snort this. The kid got up and staggered out of view, however. Oh well. Three out of four so far…
Peripherally he glimpsed Tracey of the dyed blond hair and skin-tight sweat pants, who had declined the nervous invitation to dinner he had offered her last year, after months of screwing up the nerve. He spun and fired as she was darting for cover, hit the Coke machine by the time clock instead. He started walking casually after her, not too intent on catching her since he had pretty much gotten over that. But he made a very deliberate point of stopping at the time clock. His worst enemy in the plant, it had followed him here from place after place, dogging his trail for twenty years now. So what if this one was digital, computerized…it couldn’t hide its identity. Harris grinned as he blew it to pieces. Whatever else happened to him after today, he was finally liberated.
* * *
“Easy, easy does it.” Peterson crouched down beside the boy who was cowering behind the fork truck, clasping his thigh and sobbing. Peterson pried his hands away and looked at the wound through the hole in his jeans. “Looks like it went clean through…bet it didn’t hit the bone. It’s bloody, but I don’t think it got an artery.” From the fork truck he snatched an oily rag, and tied that around a big wad of tissue he pulled from a box at the shipping station behind them. It would have to do for now.
“Can you make the effort to crawl out of here, kid?”
“I don’t know,” he whimpered.
“Try. Right out the loading dock behind us…he sounds like he’s heading off for the commercial presses. Do you know who he is?”
“I don’t know the dude’s name…Harris?”
Peterson nodded. Harris. That made sense. You’d have thought the company would have been more careful about a forty year-old man who came into work this week with a Mohawk haircut. Warren was going to go stomping up to
“I’d get out while I could, kid.”
“Thanks, man. Hey, what are you going to do…go after him?” The kid hadn’t missed the giant screwdriver.
“Yeah,” said Peterson.
The boy looked up at him, clearly impressed. In every harrowing situation, one man stepped forward. It was what sold
* * *
Warren hunkered down behind a shelf full of boxes of paper. If the killer knew he was there, the bullets would tear through easily, so the idea was to simply stay out of view. The shooting was uncomfortably close at hand; commercial press line, he figured. Good God, who could it be? These things only happened on the news! If that damn Peterson hadn’t taken so long with the fuse, he’d be safely on his way home by now…
The plant reminded him of a sinking ship now—the Titanic—the gunfire its engines exploding, and the crew screaming and running about in panic. He had to get to the nearest exit…leave it to somebody else to call the police. Women and supervisors first…
A man knelt down suddenly beside Warren, and his heart almost cried out with a voice of its own. “Peterson,” he hissed, “are you trying to get me killed?”
Peterson smiled at that, and drove the screwdriver up through the front of Warren’s throat. The impact bulged his eyes from their sockets. Then Peterson pushed sideways on the clear yellow handle as if forcing a stuck lever.
Police in Europe are well acquainted with the likes of a Thomas Willis Peterson. A man frustrated by his fearful desire of women and inability to communicate with them for terror of rejection, who takes to stabbing them with an easily palmed awl in the buttocks or thighs in tight crowds and then drifts anonymously away. A sort of revenge on the whole unobtainable species, and a kind of brief intimate penetration. A cowardly, pathetic sort of man they give the elegant name piqueur. In America, in these parts, for ten years now they had called their version of this man—less elegantly, more ominously—the Pick.
Thomas Willis Peterson—the Pick—had never killed anyone, however. But today it had come easily. Today he was inspired…
Now to find Harris, and kill him. He had to stop to reload sooner or later, and the Pick, ever stealthy, would be there. And why not? He could murder a man and become a hero for it. How ironic! Then he’d simply say he had pulled the screwdriver out of Harris’s pocket during the struggle with him. The screwdriver Harris had killed the upstairs supervisor Warren with. Saw the whole thing, Peterson the heroic murderer would tell them…
From anonymity to limelight. Maybe he’d even attract a girlfriend from all this. The idea gave him the courage and power to move on and stalk Harris, his next victim…
* * *
There were four of them hiding behind the shelf in the stock room—the teen age stock boy, an expediter girl and two of the girls who glued the samples in the catalogs the company sent out for dealers to display in their print shops. Harris pointed the assault rifle at the boy’s face and with two shots ruined reams of expensive paper, soaked thoroughly. One girl tried to run for it. Didn’t get far. This was easier than the arcade video shooting games Harris loved to play. More realistic graphics. Though he was a bit disappointed to have found today that blood didn’t fly profusely from bullet wounds as it did in the movies…let alone in glorious slow motion.
He turned on the remaining two, Alise and Joanie. Alise was a pretty teen ager. Easy for a misogynistic psychopath to kill. But Joanie made him hesitate. Poor Joanie…he could empathize with her. Shy, homely. Laughed at behind her back. Worse than they did to him, actually. Small and greasy-haired, eyes blankly timid behind thick lenses. No, even Harris the Mohawked berserker couldn’t shoot so helpless and pitiful a creature. A crippled fawn. He pivoted to point the weapon down at Alise. Her screaming became a hysterical siren…
Click. All thirty-five rounds in the first clip gone already? Harris gave Alise an apologetic grin while he yanked the mag out of the Galil’s belly.
He saw Alise’s eyes move, and whirled around. Peterson. Arm upraised. The Pick, descending on him…
The shot hurled Peterson back, though he remained on his feet. Harris turned again to Alise and Joanie, caught between two confusions.
Joanie’s pistol was a .22 target automatic; not at all powerful, but she was a good shot. One bullet into his left eye was enough to drop Harris at her feet on top of his big masculine rifle.
“Joanie,” Peterson began. He showed more disorientation and annoyance than fear or pain. He watched as Joanie tore the front of her blouse open with one dramatic wrench of her free hand, revealing the colorful massive tattoo of a demon which even flowed across her tiny breasts.
“I am Pazuzu the Avenger!” she corrected him, then shooting him in the left eye as she had with that couple in their car last summer.
Then Joanie turned the gun on Alise before, naturally, she shot herself, too.
John Sadness
Jane Thistle was wrenched with sobs as the tiny raft was carried by the holy men to the water’s edge. She walked in the procession, though she was still weak from the long labor that had delivered the blighted infant. Her husband John Thistle helped support her. Others, deemed more important in the ritual, walked ahead of them, even though they were the parents. There was the mayor of the village, John Stout, and the village surgeon, John Copper, their black top hats severe like parading towers. The four religious men in their cowled robes and sandaled feet, bearing along the flower-decorated raft, took the lead.
The nameless lake spread out before them, vast and black, misted gray where it blended with a distant horizon, lapping the shore with an insidious calm. Violent storms never blew in off this lake, and the oily waves never much varied their steady, somnambulant rhythm. Fish were not caught from this lake, and boats were never sailed upon it. Even travelers from the villages on its far side would rather spend months skirting around it than weeks sailing across it. Too many had been lost in the attempt. Too many had died eating the fish. It was said that these waters were tainted with the fluids from the machinery of those ancient people who had once populated this land, but had died out many ages ago, extinguishing themselves so thoroughly that they took most of their artifacts along with them.
But there was an island at the center of the lake, Jane Thistle had been assured by the surgeon who had examined her newborn, and the mayor who had given the Word, in accordance with the laws of their religion. No one alive had ever set foot upon this island, but it had been sighted before travel on the lake had finally been entirely outlawed. Though never visible from the shore, it was a large island, thick with black fir trees choked in swirling mist. It was the island to which the waters would either literally—or only symbolically—carry away her child.
And now the robed men set the raft down in the thin water that slurped around their ankles (they would take long purifying baths to cleanse themselves, later). All throughout the walk from the village, the infant had been quiet, had not fussed. Was he sleeping, or blinking up innocently at the churning gray skies, the faces of the strangers who bore him toward his fate? His name was John Sadness. The parents of the blighted were discouraged from naming these infants, when they were occasionally born. But Jane Thistle had named him secretly. Even her husband did not know his name.
But now, as if he knew he was to be sent to an obvious death, John Sadness began to cry. And so did his mother, who in a burst of anguish sought to rush to his side. Her husband held her back. He was afraid that if he didn’t, one of the constables behind him would do so instead.
Mayor John Stout addressed the distraught woman in a deep, oratorical voice that belched out steam into the chill air. “Madam, I have given the Word, in accordance with the laws of our Lord and Master, and upon the advice of Surgeon John Copper. But you need no surgeon’s eyes to see that your child is blighted, and must be sent from us to the place where his brothers dwell.”
“No other blighted children dwell on that island!” Jane Thistle cried, a vein standing out on her flushed forehead like a brand of disgrace. “You know as well as I that they all perish from the cold, or in the water…or if they do wash up on the island, that they are too young and weak to care for themselves!”
“We do not murder these children. They are the Lord’s children, howsoever malformed. We simply turn them over to the Lord’s hands. But the Word tells us that they must not live amongst us, to spread their polluted seed. Would you have every child born of our village to be as this child?”
In her pain and helplessness, Jane’s legs turned watery, insubstantial beneath her, so that she leaned more heavily into her husband’s restraining arms, however much she resented them at this moment. Her sobs increased as her child bawled more lustily. He wanted milk. He wanted his mother.
“He isn’t that badly off!” she rasped, only half believing her own lie. She had had to drip milk into his twisted mouth with a dropper. And she had screamed when first she saw his face—not only because she knew he would be sent away, but out of simple terror itself. “Couldn’t we castrate him, so that he won’t breed? He has two arms, two legs…he could support himself when he’s older…be of help to the village…”
“There are no exceptions. He would be sent away if he had but a cleft palate, a milky eye. It is the only way that the rest of us can be sure of our purity. We cast no blame on you, Jane Thistle. You did not ask for this curse, nor deserve it I am sure. But the Word is the Word. And we can delay the Lord’s decree no longer…”
“Please…please,” Jane husked, now nearly limp in her husband’s embrace, no longer struggling, “let me kiss his brow—one last time…”
But the holy men either did not hear her beaten whimper, or did not heed it, as they pushed the miniature raft out into the lake of liquid obsidian. There, it was rocked obscenely, if gently, like a cradle. Jane Thistle could see nothing of her son John Sadness upon that floating coffin but for the flowers, and his two small arms—deformed as they were—reaching up for the neck of his mother, or in an appeal to their God.
* * *
Jane Thistle wore only long black mourning gowns for the ten years that followed the exile and death of her child. Her husband did not try to discourage her. The black attire, snug around her slim waist but the skirts voluminous, complemented the severe beauty of her dark hair and eyes and her contrasting colorless skin. He was grateful that she would still bare that skin to him in its entirety, after the fruit their love had seeded. But there had been no further fruit, and that was no doubt why she permitted their love-making. The surgeon told her the child had probably damaged her womb in his birth. John Thistle felt his wife was relieved for this—that there would be no other children. But at the same time, he felt that her mourning garments were not only for their blighted son, but for her other children who would never be born at all.
Ten years had passed. Jane Thistle had been twenty then, was now thirty. In that time, other women had watched their infants sail out to the unseen island. Some had sobbed, as she. Some had watched in icy relief. In those ten years—as in all the years before—not one raft had washed back ashore. No flotsam of wood, no tiny fish-like bones. Only flowers…nothing more.
But one day, a cry went up. The whole village was gradually aroused. Some children casting rocks out into the ebony lake had seen something shadowy in the distant fog, and soon the constables were called to the water’s edge. Other townspeople joined them. John Thistle told his wife about it as he hurried to their barn, slipping into his jacket as he moved. There, he took up a pitchfork.
“I’m going with you,” Jane Thistle told him.
“They say it’s a ship, Jane,” John told her gravely. “At first, the boys thought it was a whale—some great beast. But it’s a ship…heading toward our shore…”
Jane pulled a fringed black shawl around her shoulders, the chill autumn breeze stirring her black curls about her face. “I’m coming with you.”
* * *
At the edge of the lake, a brisk wind snapped at Jane’s skirts. A grayer Mayor John Stout held a plump hand to his top hat’s brim to keep it from being dislodged. The constables had muskets in their fists.
The ship had already run aground by the time Jane and John Thistle arrived. Its prow was lodged in plowed-up mud. The vessel loomed; not even before craft had been outlawed from these waters had such a large ship sailed them. The villagers murmured how it resembled, in general outline and in size, an ocean-going vessel. But resemblances ended there.
The hulking ship seemed to have a skin of glistening scales (no doubt why the boys had taken it for a living thing). These scales, up close, proved to be a mosaic of glossy white tiles, perhaps ceramic. There were no sails, nor even masts. Several small structures up top were also tiled and without windows or portholes. Here and there were pipes of a brassy color, up top and growing out of the sides of the ship, and thick black hoses like veins running in and out of white flesh. Atop the huge craft, here and there, were clusters of brassy and silvery machinery, like boilers and furnaces, with shiny chimneys that belched no smoke, but seemed only to vent a thin steam. The machinery made no sound.
“This can’t be from the villages across the lake, and there are no rivers that connect with it,” John Thistle breathed in awe. “It has to have come from the island.”
“How could this have been built without us having heard any sounds of it?” Surgeon John Copper wondered aloud. He had taken to dyeing his graying hair red. “Even across the distances, wouldn’t we have heard something?”
“Perhaps it was built at the bottom of the lake, and risen up,” said Jane Mason, wife of one of the constables.
“Built by whom?” John Thistle asked.
“Look at it. Look at the machinery. This is the work of the Ancient People,” said Jane Mason.
“The Ancient People were demons in the flesh,” John Stout said, “and the Master cursed them and cleansed them from our lands. They are extinct, and rightly so.”
“We don’t know what exists on that island. It could be the Ancients still survive upon it, if only in small number. But look at that ship, John Stout! Who else could have created it?”
“Hallo!” John Stout bellowed, advancing further across the damp gritty sand but not actually nearing the slithering membrane of the surf. “Hallo, in there! Show yourselves!”
In answer, the assemblage heard a grating of metal from above. Then, a whispery scrabbling sound…
John Stout backed up several steps, and in a rather less confident tone repeated: “Hallo?”
Below, they caught a fleeting glimpse of dark, silhouetted hands movng in quick darts and flurries, as fistfuls of flowers and broken petals were cast from atop the ship. The mayor stumbled backwards frantically now, as if the touch of the snow of petals might be poisonous.
With the petals still fluttering in the air like moths, a head rose up furtively to gaze down at the villagers. It was silhouetted, and thus difficult to make out—difficult, even, to fathom—but seemed to resemble the fleshless skull of a horse. And then, timidly, the body followed. Ribs curled free of the chest like those of a skeleton, and the vertebrae protruded in a line of jagged dorsal fins. The forelimbs were great pincers, like those of a crab…and with these the thing was lowering a rope ladder over the side…
“Dear God!” one of the constables cried, and shouldered his musket, and fired.
Thunder. The very air was burned. The skeletal apparition went back down out of sight abuptly at the impact. The villagers had all heard its inhuman shriek of pain and surprise.
“Demons!” cried John Kettle, the blacksmith. “It’s the Ancient People!”
“No,” said Jane Thistle in a voice so low only her husband beside her heard it. She clapped a hand over her heart, and in a tone of awed, anguished joy said, “It’s our children!”
“It’s our children!” said Jane Mason at the same moment, in a louder voice and in a tone of absolute horror.
Now, from above, came other voices. Rumblings, and chatterings…hissing whispers, and panther-like growls…
“Jane,” said John Thistle, “we must get back to the house…”
“No!” she replied, moving forward.
He took her arm. “We must! Hurry!”
The first of them dropped off the back of the ship, where they were less vulnerable to the constables’ muskets. The villagers could hear them splash as they landed. And then, they charged out of the ship’s shadows, kicking up the poisonous black water as they came. In their speed, in their fury, in their vast and varied hideousness the constables were barely able to aim at them. A ragged line of shots cracked the air, and then the creatures were upon them…
“Run!” yelled John Thistle, violently pulling his wife along now, but still holding onto his pitchfork. “Run! Run!”
And despite her terrible joy, Jane did run, when she saw one of the creatures embrace Mayor John Stout in four obese arms dangling folds of creased flesh, and thus engulf him totally. A translucent head which was little more than a gelatinous bag closed over the mayor’s head like a caul.
As Jane turned and fled, holding hands with her husband, she saw the surgeon John Copper run past her. He was moving very fast for a man of his years, and then she realized that he wasn’t so much running as being propelled along by the momentum of a creature which had hold of him. The thing galloped on its hands and feet but its body was normal enough; like all the creatures, it wore no clothing. From its eye sockets, however, writhed twin nests of milky tendrils like those of an anenome, and its bony hooked jaws pierced Copper’s neck like the mandibles of an ant warrior.
Thistle let go of his wife and whirled about, gripping the pitchfork in both fists now. He lunged at the creature, and the trident caught it through its own neck. Jetting blood, it collapsed atop the surgeon, but the man was already jumping with his final electrified spasms. Thistle again took his wife’s hand; again they ran. Jane’s black skirts flapped the air like storm-lashed sails, and the ground seemed to hammer with a maddened heartbeat under their thumping footfalls.
Something that squealed like a pig being slaughtered could be heard racing up behind them as they sprinted into their yard, and whatever it was thudded against their door just as John got it closed and bolted. They rushed from window to window, locking them and drawing the curtains. Finally, John panted, “Upstairs, Jane…move!”
Jane’s hair was in her face, and her eyes gleamed madly from within its tangle. “They survived, John. Some of them…the strongest. And helped the weaker to survive. All these years, they were building that ship. Building it from what they found on the island…machinery that the Ancients left behind. Building it all this while, so they could return to us…”
“For revenge, Jane!”
She wagged her head. Tears streamed down her flushed cheeks.
John again urged her upstairs, and this time she obeyed him. They entered their bedroom; John shut and barred its door. He turned to close the curtains to the one window, and saw the creature which had been waiting for them.
It had been struck by one of the constables’ musket balls; dark blood was winding down its pallid flesh. It was stooped but towered over them, emaciated yet also suggesting great strength. Its eyes, each as large as a normal man’s head, were two great cloudy sacks, hanging from a head that had not grown since its infancy. Its hair was still wispy as corn silk.
Though the eyes had grown so much larger, its cadaverous body so much taller, Jane Thistle recognized her son, John Sadness, instantly.
“My boy!” she sobbed, spreading her arms. “My boy!”
It took a lurching step toward her, fingers three times longer than they should be curled into a skeleton’s talons…
“No!” John Thistle cried, darting toward the small fireplace to seize up a poker…
The creature fell upon his wife, and she struggled with it. But as Thistle raised the poker above his head, he realized that the thing had crumpled, and Jane was fighting to hold it up. John dropped the poker, and helped take hold of the scarecrow-like body…walked it to the bed with her, where they laid it down.
The creature gurgled up at them. Its pendulous orbs were nothing like eyes, might have been blind. Maybe it was scent that had led it here. Or mere memory. But it reached up feebly, unerringly to Jane’s face and stroked her cheek.
John took hold of its other hand and sat on the edge of his bed. In this bed, they had made this creature. Their son. John watched as his wife bent over John Sadness.
Her tears fell upon its tiny face and great eyes as she kissed it, one last time, on the brow.
Then, with a small contented shudder, the creature died.
* * *
A dozen townspeople had perished in the battle. None of these victims had been children, however, for which the townspeople were grateful.
All of the monstrosities that had disembarked from the ship were finally slaughtered. It took several days to track down the last of them in the woods. Whether there were more aboard the ship, or back on the island, no one could tell…but the strange vessel was gone by the time anyone returned to the beach.
Sometimes Jane would stand at the spot where it had arrived, holding her husband’s hand. There they would both look out across the black lake, staring at where the island must lie, as if hoping the mist would part, sunlight would beam down upon it. But it remained cloaked in its winding sheet of fog. And while most of the villagers no doubt gazed out at those waters in dread, Jane and John Thistle did so with tears in their eyes, and sad smiles on their lips.
Thunderheads
The tentacle came through the ceiling and slithered down toward Warren’s face as he lay back on his bed fully dressed. Unshaven, unemployed and partly unconscious, he had been watching the TV at the foot of the bed in a half-doze of thoughtless ingestion. Game shows, glamour. His country’s hypnotic empty promises.
But the sight of the tentacle undulating toward him roused him to alertness. He spun sideways to the floor and scrambled to his feet, then bolted from the room…and the tentacle followed him. He slammed a door to block it, but it passed through the door as if it were an illusion, immaterial. Yet it was the tentacle that was immaterial, he realized. Though it looked solid, like a clear rubber hose filled with dark smoke, it was the searching limb of some apparition.
In the kitchen of his apartment, Warren slid open a drawer and clawed madly amongst his oddly matched cutlery until he lifted out a formidable bread knife. By now, the blind groping extremity had found him, and was swimming through the air in his direction. With a cry, Warren swung his blade and simultaneously ducked.
The tentacle withdrew sharply, shivering violently in the air. He could see that somehow he had hurt it, as ethereal as it might be. Maybe the sheer energy of his emotion, rather than the steel itself, had wounded it. Whatever the case, thus encouraged, Warren leapt toward it and slashed it again and again. A foot or so of the tentacle was severed and dropped to the linoleum, curling in on itself with a spasm. The rest of the limb, whipping angrily, withdrew. When Warren glanced down again for the severed portion, it had vanished.
Outside, a peal of bass heavy thunder rumbled, rattling his window in its frame.
* * *
Warren had always considered himself a “sensitive”, having seen ghosts on several occasions in his life: that soldier in the Civil War uniform staring in his bedroom window on the second floor, the cowled monk at the foot of his bed. But today was the first time he had ever seen the creatures that assail the minds of humans.
Afraid that the owner of the tentacle would seek him out again, Warren had gone down into the bustling city streets to immerse himself in the comfort of anonymity. But now the source of the tentacle that had sought him out became horribly apparent. Within moments, he saw that dozens of the people moving about on the sidewalks and even driving along in cars had already been successfully attacked by the creature. From the tops of their heads, tentacles like the one that had come for him ran up into a dark sky with a ceiling of thunderheads.
They must have been tremendously long to keep up with moving cars, and flexible beyond man-made elastic. And when victims crossed paths the tentacles neatly passed through each other instead of tangling up.
Warren staggered along the street, gaping, observing, trembling. He flinched back when a victim passed too close, afraid that the limb jammed into his crown would quit that person to attack him instead.
The type of victims the owner of these myriad limbs favored soon became apparent. An old man slumped in an alley, his head between his knees and a tentacle stuck into his pink and white pate. A thin young woman with huge hollow eyes. A hulking black boy with a face of tremendous fury. A middle-aged man, shambling crazily and talking to himself, shouting out abruptly—something religious—so that Warren
But why had it come for him, then?
No. That wasn’t the kind of victim it sought, he intuited. It
Another ominous rumble of thunder. Warren stopped on the sidewalk to stare up at the thundercloud directly overhead, eclipsing what little sky showed through the canyon of tall buildings. So many tentacles ran up into that cloud…too many to count…as if the master of these insane marionettes, the evil god who kept these victims on leashes like so many rabid mad dogs, were hiding behind that cloud. Or inside it.
Warren turned in time to see the tentacle wavering toward him through the air. He screamed, bolted and wove madly through the crowds as if dodging an assassin’s bullets. He nearly sent several people sprawling, and they glared after him, muttering to themselves.
He had to get up high. He had to see if what he was beginning to believe were true.
Back in his tenement building, he raced upstairs and fell against his apartment door. Somewhere he had lost the pursuing tentacle. Only slightly relieved, he made quickly for the kitchen and retrieved the bread knife and a steak knife. He slipped these in his long raincoat, then returned to the street.
Warren rode the elevator of the office building as high as it would take him. The unemployment office was in this building but he left it far below. There was no safety, no comfort to be had there. None of the few passengers who rode with him, thank God, had tentacles secured to them like unholy umbilical cords. When he disembarked at last, he found a flight of stairs which he ducked into when no one was about. A moment later he stumbled out onto the roof, squinting against a cold wind that flapped and snapped at the tails of his raincoat. Warren drew close to the edge of the roof, and gazed out on the gray world.
The thunderclouds didn’t hide creatures. They
Perhaps if those below could see them at all, they innocently perceived them as just an incoming thunderstorm. What if all such storms were actually these airborne leviathans?
Warren heard a tiny shout float up to him from the street far below, and he leaned over the parapet to gaze down. After a moment, he realized its source. It was the shouting, staggering madman he’d seen earlier, a mere flea at this distance. But Warren recognized his erratic movements…and he saw that two tentacles were hooked into this one man’s skull. Two creatures were draining him, maybe warring over him inside his poor fragile mind.
One stationary creature, he saw, was hovering above a mental institution across the river. It was gorged fat.
Someone had to tell people about this! Someone had to fight them…to stop this abomination!
Warren glared out at the great beasts again…and now he saw more. His peculiar sensitive’s vision broadened his perception, brought into focus something which before had been too vast for his mind to grasp.
Floating above the Man-o’-Wars were similar but far larger monsters. These somewhat fainter, more ghostly creatures were like continents drifting in the ocean of sky, and they were anchored, he realized, to each and every person in the street below. To every person in every car. The tentacles swarmed in windows like so many millions of telephone wires. The clouds were like huge inverted clipper ships with all those lines. And then Warren audibly gasped, and jerked a knife out of his coat to flail crazily above his head.
He saw the severed limb thrash, cheated. It was sucked up into the sky. God…how long had it been affixed to his mind? His entire life? The greater beasts were linked to
But his thoughts had reached the great boiling brains. He saw tentacles slithering through the air at him. Over there. And there. He wheeled sharply and a gust of wind nearly cast him over the side. A dozen tentacles were swimming in from behind. And now a hundred. “No!” Warren shouted at them in defiance. From inside his raincoat he slid out the other knife. One in each fist. He raised both high and shook them. “No!” But how could he fend them all off? Hack them all to pieces? Any moment now, he would be buried in a mass of them. A thousand of them would burrow into his mind.
He wouldn’t let them touch him. He would bring his freedom with him where they couldn’t get at him.
In triumphant glory, Warren leapt from the roof. He was an angel of vengeance descending, his coat flapping behind him like a robe. He flailed his flashing knives like bright wings, and in plummeting he swooped down on several tendrils, hacking them as he passed…and laughed.
The clean and purging wind of descent blasted him. Yes, he was free, and he saw that he had set a few people below him free as well. He had sliced their tethers and they had glanced up at him and now were scattering. Maybe the beasts would claim them back, but now at least they had a fighting chance…
To die free. To spit in the eye of the gods. What more could a man want? He was a falling angel. So be it.
* * *
The paramedics who responded did not hustle to squat by the man to check for vital signs, to administer aid. They stood back a bit and stared.
The suicide victim was face down in the street, a knife in each locked fist embedded in the asphalt, as if he had miraculously crucified himself to the ground. CPR would be useless; even Jesus couldn’t resurrect a man after this.
One of the responding policemen watched a dark tendril of blood wind out of the man’s riven skull into the gutter. He had seen jumpers before, and the first time he had puked, but this time he had an odd reaction. His scalp constricted, and tingled.
He removed his cap to rub at his hair nervously, and shuddered.
Thunder growled above the city, and a gray rain was released to fall in a deluge.
Pale Fruit
The woman who opened the door in answer to Griffin’s knocks was beautiful, and it was this more than the fact that she was most certainly not the person he had expected to greet him that made him falter speechless for several beats. Her hair was long and straight, that drab shade of watery brown that was really like no color at all, but it was parted in the center and framed like curtains an oval face of great impact. The strange woman’s mouth was decadently plush, lips that had been stung by the whole hive of bees held compressed into a solemn pout. They glistened a moist and glossy crimson, some swollen exotic fruit. Her eyes had a feline shape and were of a blue that was clear almost to the point of transparency. Too much mascara only heightened the effect.
“Yes?” the woman—surely only a girl of eighteen or nineteen—asked him at last in a dark, vaguely surly voice.
“I’m sorry…um…I was looking for my landlord…uh, Guy?”
“Guy Hamlin,” the young woman droned.
“Yes. Guy Hamlin.”
“I’m Guy’s daughter, Idelia.”
Griffin smiled. “Do you call your father by his first name?”
Just that lynx-like stare for a moment or two, and then, “Yes.”
The girl—Idelia Hamlin, then— was small, and obviously very slender, lost like some dour, doleful child in her over-sized sweater. Black tights clung to legs almost alarmingly thin, and her bony feet were bare, the red polish on their nails flaking away like old blood. The dim bulb beside the door glowed on her high forehead, and made her pallid, translucent flesh seem almost softly luminous. Normally, Griffin did not care for the starving model look, that heroin chic, the anorexic waif that was the current ideal, as dictated by the media. His interest lay in substantial women, voluptuous, large-breasted, round-bottom-ed. His ex-girlfriend Natalie had been plump as a Renoir nude. This girl was anything but substantial. And yet, those ice-blue eyes, the too-ripe painted lips that seemed to overcompensate for the rest of her, pinned his heart like a struggling, dying moth inside his chest.
He might have disbelieved her about being Guy’s daughter, except that Guy also had uncanny blue eyes—if not of quite so light a shade. Yes, he could see Guy in her unsettling gaze. But otherwise there was no similarity, as Guy was singularly unattractive and a good four hundred pounds, Griffin wagered. Oh yes…Guy. He had come upstairs to see Guy. Griffin realized he’d been mutely staring again.
“I’m Griffin Shores; I live downstairs. Is your father home? I have the rent…and some books to return.” He held them up as proof. “He lent them to me.”
Idelia gazed at the books in his hand, and seemed hesitant, or indecisive as to what to do next. But finally she said, “Why don’t you come in, then.” She held the door wide for him. Before that, she had been blocking it warily with her thin frame.
“Okay, um, thanks.” Griffin slipped past her, lightly brushing against her sweater. Very consciously, he inhaled as he did so, and stole a furtive whiff of her musky perfume.
“What are the books?” Idelia asked as she turned away from the door.
“Oh, about the supernatural, the occult, mostly,” Griffin replied with some degree of embarrassment, as if caught with a stack of pornography. “Your father and I got to talking one day, and he found out I work in a book store and love to read. He’s pretty enthusiastic about these books…he thought I’d find them interesting, too.”
Idelia nodded absently, but said, “I think they’re dangerous.”
“Books?”
“Those books.”
“Oh. Well, ah, so…is Guy here?”
“No. He isn’t. He’s away.”
So why had she let him in, he wondered, when she could have just accepted the books out on the landing? There was something in her spacy manner that suggested drugs, or even a psychological problem, or both—not that it decreased his lust by much. “Um, so when will he be back?”
“Not sure. Not soon.” She shrugged vaguely. “If you don’t feel comfortable leaving the rent with me, you can wait until he returns.”
Griffin didn’t feel comfortable with that, so he changed the subject. “I didn’t know Guy had ever been married.” He didn’t add that his impression had been that Guy was a very lonely—bitterly lonely—man, who had never had a girlfriend in his life, let alone a wife with the kind of genes to produce a creature like this one. Also, he had taken Guy to be only in his mid thirties; he must have sired Idelia when quite young.
“They’re divorced,” Idelia explained. “My mother lives out of town. I’m just visiting here.”
“I see. Then I’ll bet you haven’t been to the store where I work. It’s just down the street—‘Book Plates’? We have a little coffee shop in there. If you’re not busy, maybe I could buy you a cup of coffee and a piece of pie?” His throat clicked as he swallowed a phlegmy glob of nervousness.
“Outside?” Idelia glanced rather suddenly at one of the windows in this front room, a parlor. Ancient, water-stained paper of a dark color covered the tenement apartment’s walls, and all the curtains were drawn, all the shades pulled. “No—thank you.”
Griffin felt like he’d totally humiliated himself, as usual. He called the look women gave him when he asked them out “the tarantula”. As if, instead of asking them out, he had extended his open palm with a tarantula on it. He had gotten along with Guy, evasive as Guy was (this was the first time Griffin had actually been inside his apartment), not only because they shared a passion for books, but because they were both unlucky bachelors. Well, he had had Natalie, and Guy had had his wife, so there was always hope for the future…and Griffin felt he was at least more attractive than Guy, though that wasn’t saying much.
“Well, I’ve got to start my shift in a half hour, anyway, so I guess I should be going. You ought to drop in some time, though—I mean, just to look at the books. It’s a nice little place.”
Idelia said nothing in reply; just stared at him, as if to hypnotize him. He was hypnotizing himself, he thought, and he’d better break off; he was starting to feel light-headed just being in her aura of subtle perfume and glowing flesh.
And then, she took two steps to cross the space between them, to float toward him like a somnambulist, and her arms drifted up to him, the sleeves of the bulky sweater sliding back to reveal the thinness of her arms, and her hands alighted on either side of his face, her touch so soft it was like smoke, but cold smoke. A question half rose in Griffin but before he could give it sound, her face too floated toward him, and she pulled his face down and pressed that luxuriant mouth against his.
He put his hands on her arms, as if to push this stranger away, but her tongue slipped into his mouth, cool and anxious, and he found his arms sliding around her instead, to press her whole body to him. He could almost have wrapped his arms around her twice; he was accustomed to Natalie’s broad back, her warm cushions of flesh. This bird-like body with its sharp points of bone and its insubstantial lightness was alien to him. But that alienness of her body and of her actions increasingly stimulated him. He pushed his own tongue into her mouth in turn, and grew aroused, grew desperate to enter her down there as well…
Her hands had moved from his face down to his waist and now slid under his own sweater and the shirt beneath to the bare skin. She began to bunch the material in her hands as if to pull it off him, over his head, and this caused him to open his eyes in surprised desire.
Her eyes were open, too, perhaps had been open all along, and right there in front of his own—so blue, so intense, so very hungry that they frightened him. But it wasn’t just her hunger that suddenly disturbed him. Again, he had been reminded of Guy’s eyes. It was as if Guy had changed form so as to seduce him, but had just now dropped his defenses to reveal himself lurking beneath the mask. It was, Griffin thought later that night when mulling over these events, a ridiculous idea. Had Guy lost three hundred pounds in the two weeks since Griffin had last seen him, and had a sex change operation to boot? But the girl was, of course, a part of Guy, being his daughter—a physical extension of him.
She must be insane. Why would she try to seduce him, a stranger? He was hardly irresistible, he was the first to admit. He thought himself as bland and colorless as a ghost. So why this frantic passion? Yes, she had to be disturbed, and however beautiful she was, that knowledge began to repulse Griffin, and he stepped backwards away from her.
But she clung to the bottom of his sweater, walked forward with him. “Look at me,” she breathed. “Look at me. Want me. Want me to be here…”
Increasingly unnerved, Griffin had to actually take hold of her bony wrists and extricate himself as gently as he could. He gave a very nervous chuckle, embarrassed and horrified for the both of them. “I’m sorry, Miss Hamlin, but I have to go to work now. I’m sorry.” He turned quickly to the door, let himself out into the hall, at any moment expecting the woman to pounce upon him to drag him back…
But she didn’t, and when safely through the threshold, Griffin threw a look back at her. She remained standing where she had been, her eyes on him but seemingly having lost their focus. Huge empty eyes, eyes of a lost child, their color drained from them, and her lipstick smeared across her cheek like blood.
“It’s okay,” she told him. “It’s for the best anyway, if I go away. For the best…”
He faltered, and repeated, “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. And then, he started downstairs. Above him, he heard the door quietly snick shut.
* * *
Fallen leaves scrabbled across the sidewalk like large insects that took flight, swirled briefly, settled to earth again. The leaves were dark red and soon to crumble, flakes of crusted blood drifting down from the dying sun. This sanguine orb made deep blue-purple silhouettes of the old houses along the street, narrow and huddled close together against the chill and seeming to lean over Griffin as if to box him in.
He gave a little shiver, wishing he’d brought his jacket with him, but as he’d related to Idelia the book store was just down the street and around the corner. During the week, he worked first shift hours, but on Saturdays—as now—he was scheduled from evening ‘til closing. He had no social life to sacrifice.
He could still feel Idelia in his mouth; she had seemed more solid there than in his arms, where despite her craving she had been so wispy and brittle. Thinking of her made Griffin dart a glance back over his shoulder at the house he shared with his landlord…a glance up at the second story.
Perhaps he had sensed a gaze upon his back, for someone was indeed staring down at him from an upper window. He stopped, and squinted, realizing that it was more than one person. Again, the buildings were murky with the sun dropping behind them, and there was no light on in that upper room, but he thought he could see three or four figures framed in the glass, crowded close together as if all of them were pressing in to get a look at him. His impression was that they were naked, all of them, but whether they were male or female it was difficult to distinguish. What he did seem to observe, however, was that every one of the pallid figures was wasted to cadaverous thinness, and splotched here and there with inky darkness as if someone had camouflaged them with black paint. These must only have been darker shadows than the rest of the gloom, but Griffin had no further opportunity to tell, for the figure closest to the front drew down the shade, and blocked them all from view.
Griffin remained staring at the window for several moments, as if the shade might be lifted again, but it wasn’t. Did the figures continue to peek at him, however, around its edges?
He decided he must have been mistaken. It must have been only one person, and that must have been Idelia. She had disrobed, and exposed herself, hoping to entice him back, but then had thought better of it. Yes, it could only be that.
Griffin turned back toward his destination and picked up his step, anxious to be out of this dark side street before it closed in on him altogether.
* * *
As he lay in bed that night, staring up at the black pool of his ceiling, he thought of the woman who was staying upstairs from him, even now perhaps in the room just above him.
Why was she visiting, if Guy were away elsewhere? To housesit in his absence?
Tonight, at work, Griffin had attempted—without success—to locate various books that Guy had lent to him and which he’d returned to Idelia. He thought he might like to purchase them so he could peruse them further, after all. He had been thinking about some of the pages Guy had turned down the corner of, or tagged with a scrap of paper as a bookmark, passages he had highlighted with a yellow marker.
One story which Guy had obviously been drawn to related how a group of Canadian researchers in the paranormal, headed by a Dr. George Owen, had in the 1970’s invented a ghost. They had concocted for him a spurious history, and the name of Philip, using the seance form as a way to focus him into being. Eventually, he apparently took on his own life, or after-life, and contacted the researchers as if he had been a real ghost. As if, Griffin thought, there were real ghosts.
Philip had communicated through rapping, and had even made a table physically “dance” about a room.
Another story that had particularly seemed to impress Guy was represented in several of the books; it discussed how the author Alexandra David-Nell, while studying in Tibet, learned how to create something called a tulpa, a thought form given its own sort of life through intense and lengthy concentration. Her tulpa was given the identity of a monk, who after a time was even physically seen by another person and mistaken for a man of flesh and blood. This monk was at first benign in aspect, but after a while grew strangely sinister even in his appearance, and took on his own life to the extent that David-Nell felt he was shrugging off the yoke of her power over him, like a child outgrowing its parents and rebelling for independence. David-Nell had then struggled for half a year to “unmake” him.
An almost subliminal sound broke into Griffin’s thoughts. It was the squeak of a loose floorboard in the room above him. He realized after several moments that he was holding his breath, as if even that sound might prevent him from hearing a repetition of the stealthy creak, but no more came.
His ceiling, lost in blackness, seemed suddenly not to be there at all. He imagined it was a gaping opening, and he imagined a figure was up there at the edge of the opening, gazing down at him, waiting for him to fall asleep. Watching, in the dark, with eyes of too light a blue.
Griffin reached for the lamp on the night stand, almost toppled it in turning it on. His ceiling returned, white and solid, if the plaster a bit cracked.
He fell asleep with the lamp still on…but dreamed of multiple sets of pale blue eyes peeking at him through those cracks in the plaster.
* * *
On Sunday, Griffin put on a jacket and set out to get a paper and a coffee-to-go at his place of employment (couldn’t even stay away on his day off, he chided himself), but found himself getting no further than the front hall, where he gazed up the stairs that ascended into the gloom of the second floor landing.
He wondered if he should apologize for rejecting Idelia Hamlin’s advances yesterday evening. He could tell she’d been hurt, dejected. She had said something like it being for the best, anyway. Something about going away. Going back home, wherever that was? Would she have already left?
More than this, however, he wondered if he should have rejected Idelia Hamlin’s advances at all.
In the light of a new day it was difficult for him to imagine how he could have been so uncomfortable with her little…show of affection…that he would have broken off from it. It was he who was mad, not her. Here was this gorgeous fragile flower of a young woman, certainly no older than twenty, who had thrown herself at him, an undistinguished-looking man in his early thirties who had had fewer lovers in his life than his sixteen-year-old nephew had, he reckoned. Well, that must have been it right there, then. He was too inexperienced to respond to spontaneous desire. Too timid. Had he not been so bloody meek all his life, he might have been more experienced by now. Have a lover right now rather than be living alone. Own a book store rather than work in one. He stood mired in his self disgust—but his fingers had been curling around the railing of the staircase.
As if pulling a boot from sucking mud, he placed his right foot on the first step.
In the murk of the upper hall the door was an obscure portal almost indistinguishable from the shadowy wall. He rapped upon it. A timid knock, despite his new determination. Watch it be Guy who opens the door, he thought. Guy’s great bulk, and Idelia having fled away like some nervous fawn, back into the deep woods…
The door opened, and it was Idelia who stood in the threshold.
She wore the same heavy, dark brown sweater and black tights as yesterday, her feet again bare but she had wiped away her dramatic red lipstick and the dark mascara. It left her looking even more pale, if this were possible, white almost to bloodlessness, and made her eyes look more vulnerable, her too-full lips tender and more child-like. She appeared more sad than surly, as when she’d answered his knock last evening.
“Hello,” she murmured.
“Hi. Um, I’m glad to see you’re still here. I just, ah, just wanted to…I hope yesterday I didn’t hurt your feelings…you know…” He chuckled quite uneasily, threw up one hand. “I didn’t mean to run away like that and…embarrass you or any- thing…”
The young woman looked away and smiled slightly—half bashfully and half bitterly, he felt—and then looked back at him, her smile fading again, that brooding drowsiness returning. “Why don’t you come in?”
“Yeah, sure,” Griffin said, trying to sound casual while an almost nauseous passion loomed up through his guts like a solid invading object. It was as though he were penetrating himself. “Okay…”
As soon as Idelia had closed the door behind them and turned to face him, she reached beneath the hem of her sweater and slipped her thumbs under the rim of her tights, began skinning them down her legs like a snake shedding its skin. The contrast of the slender snowy limbs that were revealed from behind the eclipsing black material was shocking and mesmerizing. She balled the garment and tossed it onto a chair and then stood staring at him expressionlessly. She didn’t remove her over-sized sweater, so that it reached to the tops of her thighs and hid her private area in delicious secrecy.
She extended her hand to him. He took it, and it was small and cool, and she led him to the bedroom. Like a sleep-walker he followed, no longer questioning or protesting.
“I thought I’d starve myself,” she told him as she crawled onto the large bed that Griffin felt must be Guy’s. “I thought that was for the best. To just let myself fade away.” She stretched onto her back, still in her sweater, but pulled it up just enough for him to catch a shadowed glimpse of soft hair. “But now here you are,” she went on. “Here you are. I leave it all up to you. My own will…it isn’t like yours…”
Her words trailed away, but Griffin wasn’t listening, at any rate. He began to pull off his jacket, fumbled with his buttons. He watched her white, slim legs part like a flower opening its petals.
As soon as he was above her he was inside her, and she hooked her heels over the backs of his legs. He clamped a ravenous mouth over those tender lips as if to willingly bruise them, held her skull between his trembling hands. But she pushed at his shoulders gently, broke their kiss and gazed up at his face. Now she held his head between her palms.
“I want to see your eyes,” she breathed huskily, shakily. “Look at me. Don’t close your eyes. Look at me…”
He did as she asked. In his fevered state, it was the best he could do for her in the way of foreplay. But he awkwardly kneaded her small left breast through the heavy material of her sweater…and then lowered his hand to its hem so as to slip beneath it and touch the bare flesh of her belly, her nipples that must be as pale a pink as her lips…
She suddenly reached to stay his hand from sliding under her sweater. “Don’t,” she whispered. “Please…”
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m—too thin. I’m embarrassed.”
“You’re lovely. You’re so lovely. You don’t have to worry. I want to see you…please…I want to touch you, Idelia.” He braced himself higher above her, still deep within her, and took hold of the sweater’s edge. Her hand still closed on his wrist, but her grip was either weak or fatalistic, and he peeled back the sweater to bare her upper body. He wanted to taste it. He wanted to lose himself in its pale glow…
But it was not pale beneath her sweater. There was a shadow there, glaringly black against the contrasting whiteness.
A patch of liquid darkness like an inky stain covered much of the woman’s belly, starting just above the squint of her navel and encompassing the lower half of her right breast, nicking the bottom of her aureole. It was not a hole, in that its edges blended into the flesh, and yet it was of a more profound depth than any hole. It was as though the void of space itself had burned through her thin tissues. And in this oblivion, a mist or fog rose and fell in billowing, blowing and soundless waves.
“You want to see me? You want to touch me?” A membrane of tears began to jiggle across her wide eyes. “Touch me.” She still held his wrist, and drew his hand toward that dark window.
Griffin yanked his hand free, slipped out of her (what darkness had he been penetrating within her?) and backed naked across the room. He didn’t want to know what that blackness felt like. Whether he would meet with solid flesh, or whether his hand would slip through her into that cold, churning mist.
She slung her legs over the edge of the bed, pulled the sweater down again to hide her wound, if such it was. “It’s spreading,” she informed him. “Every day…”
“What are you?” Griffin managed, in something like a whispered sob. “A ghost?”
Rising, Idelia smiled. “Not even that. A ghost at least was once alive.”
She was too near the door, but there was another by his left. She took a step toward him, still smiling, still weeping, and he darted to his left without waiting to gather his clothing. He plunged into another room, slammed the door, but could find no lock. He turned his back against it to see where he was. It was another bedroom, with no lamp on, just dim sunlight that struggled through the drawn shades and closed drapes. But against this wan light, a figure shuffled into silhouette. Then another. Shadows rustled now to both sides of him. Griffin whirled around and flung open the door he had just come through…but of course, Idelia was there, and he backed helplessly into the center of the room.
She flicked on a wall switch, and an overhead light came on. Griffin found himself ringed by a half dozen people. At least, they were people to varying extents.
They were all women, and all naked, but tainted as Idelia was with that plague of darkness. More afflicted than she, in fact. They were more skeletal, as well—cadaverous. One woman had no breasts left whatsoever, and one of her arms had vanished at the shoulder, where the black void gaped. Another woman had an abyss where her face should have been, this mask of nothingness framed in long straight hair like Idelia’s. One woman had no head remaining at all, but her body still stood at attention. Well, she was a kind of machine, wasn’t she? A machine Guy had made from the ether. That was it, wasn’t it?
“These are my sisters,” Idelia said. “They came before me. They were sketches, mostly, though Guy still used a few of them.”
One of them—the very first?—was not even fully in focus. She looked like a badly blurred moving figure in a photograph, though she stood quite still before him.
And what of Guy? Griffin had no doubts about a great hulking form on top of the bed. It was wrapped in a blue plastic tarp, this package wound with silver duct tape. There was a faint smell of rot which he had first, erroneously thought was coming from the decaying women. How long Guy had been dead and how he had died were the only particulars that needed answering. Idelia noticed his frantic glance at the bundle.
“We didn’t kill him, if that’s what you think. We aren’t vampires. He had a heart attack, I think. Three of us were with him.” She tittered, her lower lip quivering. “It funny, isn’t it? We with too little flesh, and he with too much? He couldn’t survive the pleasures he wanted. He was too hungry. And here we are, with no life, and we outlive him.”
Griffin looked back at Idelia. “Don’t hurt me,” he whimpered.
“You aren’t listening,” she laughed, then she sobbed, and gestured at the bulk on the bed. “I loved him, you know. We all did. He made us to love him.”
Griffin began to edge closer to her. She, at least, he knew somewhat. The others, however much they looked like her, were too silent, and too ghostly. But she was right; even phantoms were more substantial.
“Please, Idelia,” he said, “just let me go.”
She looked at him abruptly—then stepped back from the door. “I wouldn’t stop you, Griffin. I told you, this isn’t about my hunger—it’s about yours.”
He slipped through the door. She made no attempt to follow him, merely watched him from the adjoining room, along with those of her waning sisters who still possessed eyes. He dressed hurriedly, not taking his eyes off her…Guy’s daughter. Guy’s fantasy bride. And with untied laces and half-buttoned shirt he bolted out of the bedroom, out of the apartment…but Guy’s harem of apparitions made no attempt at pursuit.
* * *
The next morning, Griffin called in sick at work. He was over-tired from not having been able to sleep all night. He had sat up with a kitchen knife in his hand, watching the door and the walls as if some spectre or horde of spectres might step suddenly through them.
But when it came, the phantom knocked politely at his door. It was a faint, meek knock that he wasn’t sure he’d heard at first. Hesitantly but inevitably he went to the door. Cracked it, knife in hand. But then he opened it completely.
For a moment, with the door cracked, he had thought he saw Idelia standing outside, nearly lost in shadow. Her eyes wide and pleading, sad and afraid. A rush of concern or guilt made him open the door all the way. But when he did so, he found that she wasn’t there. There was only a swirling pale mist in the general outline of a body, he felt, but which dissipated in moments so that he was left to wonder if it had even been there at all.
Lost Alleys
There are places in cities only the drunk, drugged or insane can find. Even if you have been there before you will not find them again if sober—assuming you are one who occasionally regains sobriety. The angles and planes, the lay-out of buildings, conspire to direct you elsewhere, to more prosaic destinations. It may be this design is intentional. Streets point you past these alleys, and more conventional alleys bend eye and foot past the narrow sub-alleys. Magician’s misdirection and the psychology of art—but also our fear and inhibition of straying from the path—keep these places hidden.
I have found such secret or forgotten corners in several cities; I can usually remember what I saw at these places, but not always which city I found them in. I can’t always remember straight off in the morning which city I’m currently in. I suppose my proclivity for finding these shadowy caves in the mountain range of a city has to do with the fact that I am usually either drunk or drugged, and perhaps always insane.
Somehow tonight I had found my way back to a courtyard I had visited before in my somnambulistic wanderings. You never actually forget anything; your mind simply blots out what is unnecessary, or unwanted. But part of me must have wanted to return to see another of the battles in this tiny arena.
The walls were of brick, and stretched high, windowless. Perhaps it had been a great chimney; there was a black iron door, low to the ground. They kept some of the contestants in there. That other night, I had watched an oriental dwarf battle a thylacine, one of those supposedly extinct Tasmanian tiger-wolves. Crates and cinder-blocks piled shoulder-high enclosed the fighting ring. When I arrived this night, several dozen dark forms ringed the ring. Only two chickens wearing spurs presently went at it.
I can’t stand cruelty to animals; I had been glad when the thylacine won. I stood back smoking a cigarette until more willing opponents were brought out. These two had made a decision to enter the ring. Not necessarily a rational decision, but they weren’t innocent victims. Well, victims yes, of many unknown tortures from without and within, but too far gone to merit much concern from me. I didn’t ask for their concern, either.
They were two naked men. One was tall and skeletal, the other short and even thinner. The tall one wore brass knuckles with spikes on one hand, in the other gripped a baling hook. His opponent held a railroad spike and a broken bottle with a much-taped neck for a handle. The short one was black, and had blacker keloids of scar tissue, primarily on his face, but I didn’t know if they were decorative or the wounds of past exhibitions.
I insinuated myself close to the ring’s barrier. Someone squeezed my ass but when I didn’t look they stopped, and anyway the battle had begun.
The gladiators sprang away from each other, the tall one swinging his brass-knuckled fist up into his own face, the short warrior gouging his bottle into his own inner thigh while pounding the dull chisel-point of his spike into his sternum. I leaned onto the wall; I’d never seen this before.
No one cheered them on. These matches were always nearly silent. Even the dying didn’t scream. A man in a three-piece suit on my right clutched foreign-looking money in his fist, whispering encouragement to one of them under his breath.
The tall one had hooked himself in the leg and tore upward with terrible jerks. His blood was very distinct, if black, on his cadaverous skin. But now the black man charged him, linked arms with the man and wrestled him to the ground, the tall man’s ripped leg too agonized or damaged to resist this. The black man got his arms around both of the other’s and forced his face into the floor. Holding the tall man’s arms inside his elbows left the black man’s hands free to jab his bottle under his jaw and swing his forehead down onto the spike he clenched, hammering deep gashes into his own dark skin.
I understood now. The combatants were to combat themselves; one had to inflict more damage upon himself than the other could do to his body, while preventing the other—without harming him—from mutilating himself. The black man had taken charge quickly, perhaps a running champion. But now the tall one twisted half free, and he had extricated the baling hook from his leg. He swung it up into his throat, and wrenched his arm out to one side with great force for so emaciated a creature. I heard a hiss of approval from the spectators, and a hiss of blood.
The black man bore all his slight weight down onto the other’s arm (he obviously wasn’t allowed to let go of either weapon to use his hands) but the wound was already too wide. The tall man quickly became mostly as dark as the black man, in the dim light. I felt a damp mist on my hand. The tall man convulsed under the smaller. Ah, now I knew. The black man wasn’t the running champion, but the running loser, and the fight with one’s self had been to the death.
There were more contests. Two spirited adolescents one would have imagined engaged in a video game challenge instead. Two men wrestling to rape each other. A man in a wheelchair with a spear against two pit bulls which had been firmly lashed together so that they faced in opposite directions. All three lost that bout, I understand, but I had then turned away to do the drugs I had brought with me.
I awoke inside a dark place. I realized it was the place behind that black iron door. Panic came over me. They were going to use me in the next games! But I could vaguely recall crawling into that space, and falling asleep there. When I pushed at the door it opened on creaking rusty hinges.
Square of light at the top of the chimney, and though the shaft was blue with shadowed gloom, I was startled at the relative brightness of day. I was afraid to emerge from my safe tomb, but did. The arena was empty but for an obese man with a shaven head inside the ring, spray-painting over the dried blood. He just glanced at me. I wandered around the outside of the ring, between it and the walls of the chimney, as though circling lost in a spiral maze, smoking a broken cigarette I had found.
The obese man gave me some drugs after I blew him. I sat against the brick wall, pulled my knees up close, waiting for night, saving the drugs in my pocket until much later. I would take them before the fights, however; I did not want to see the fights without the drugs.
I couldn’t leave, you understand, until that night. It was daylight. I was sober. I didn’t know the way.
The Red Spectacles
“This is Father Venn,” said Father Clare, clearing his voice thereafter as if to expunge the remnants of the name from his throat. Or so thought Father Venn, listening to him.
“Pleased to meet you, Father,” smiled Lucetta Fawley, the hostess of the gathering. “Are you new to our church?”
“I am visiting, dear lady,” Venn smiled in return. He took the woman’s delicate hand briefly. “Father Clare was good enough to invite me to join him today as his guest. But of course, when he told me about your efforts to raise funds for this cause, I was most enthusiastic to attend.”
“Well I am delighted that you could join us, Father. Perhaps you will be able to return when Father Clare gives the cemetery its blessing.”
“Perhaps I will return, then.” Venn pivoted, hands clasped behind his back, to nod amicably at the older priest…who did not meet his eyes.
“We will be marking each grave with a humble stone bearing the name of the deceased, and the dates of their birth and death,” Mrs. Fawley explained. “Are you familiar with the cemetery? It’s a potter’s field; very sad. All indigents, unbaptized infants, patients from the sanitarium. Forgotten people. Even prisoners who were executed will receive the same benevolence.”
“You are a good soul, Mrs. Fawley. There are too many potter’s fields in this world, and each should have one patron saint such as yourself.”
Lucetta Fawley blushed. “Thank you, Father.”
Venn knew that the woman blushed not only because the compliment came from a man of God, but because the man, however celibate, was a handsome one. He found women were attracted to him in a nervous way that struck him as either charming or pathetic, depending on his mood. He was young, slender, with hair dark as his garb and skin white as his collar. It no doubt did not disturb the good woman that on this summer-gilt afternoon he wore his odd spectacles with their wire frames and their circular lenses made of a deep red glass.
Another arriving guest required that the hostess divert her attentions from the priests, and Father Venn told his companion, “You see, Michael? You needn’t have worried. Mrs. Fawley did not resent that I accompanied you at all.”
Clare would still not meet the other’s eyes. “It was wrong of you to force yourself upon her. And me…”
“I have my work.”
“But you won’t tell me what this work is, will you?”
“It’s my work, Michael. It needn’t concern you.”
“And from where do you receive your orders, Venn? God? Or a higher authority, in your mind—yourself?”
Venn now stepped into the older priest’s view. In silhouette, with the lowering sun making a corona around his head, his eyes could not be read behind their dark glasses, which looked now like skull sockets in his white face. “That is a cruel joke, Michael, and in poor taste.”
Clare did not continue. He had heard odd things about his fellow priest. Some of them unnerving. He moved past the younger man toward the house. “I’m going to join the other guests, now,” he muttered.
“Enjoy yourself,” Venn told him, watching him go. He then turned toward the knots of people laughing and conversing about the garden and grounds, and drifted toward them like a cloud’s shadow across the green lawns.
* * *
The woman Lucetta brought from the house to meet Father Venn was remarkable in two ways. For one, she was beautiful. Though small in stature, she was shapely, and her dress of Jersey cloth clung tightly to her waist and arms. As was the popular style in this year of 1883, the back fullness of the dress was lower than previously fashionable, but still given bulk by cascades of ruffles. Mrs. Fawley’s dress, more formal, swept a train of white ruffles behind her across the grass. The other woman’s dress was largely black.
Her hair, a thick bundle above her head, was as dark as his own, her flesh as pale. Her eyes were as large in her face as those of a child; a dark-eyed, solemn child. Her mouth was small, but he couldn’t decide yet if it were merely composed and dignified or a sullen pout.
The other remarkable thing about the woman approaching him was that she had wings, as sleek and tapered as those of a falcon, sprouting from her back.
“Father,” Lucetta Fawley said, “you told me that I was the patron saint of our little potter’s field, but I couldn’t take that credit alone. Please let me introduce to you my friend whose idea this benefit truly was—Emma Garland.”
Venn took the woman’s slim, cool hand. “Delighted. So you, then, are also a guardian angel, Mrs. Garland.”
A small smile flickered upon the young woman’s lips, which Venn could no better read at this close distance. “It’s the Christian thing to do, Father.”
“Oh, please excuse me a moment, would you?” Mrs. Fawley fretted, noticing the arrival of yet another new group of guests.
“Certainly,” Venn told her. “So, Mrs. Garland, what inspired you to suggest this fund- raising event to your friend Mrs. Fawley?”
“We’re both widows, Father. The mutual loss of our husbands makes us sensitive to the condition of these poor indigents.”
Her wings were lovely in themselves, and made her exquisite doll-like beauty all the more striking. She was like some dark angel made to surmount a madman’s Christmas tree. The wings were black, but shaded to silver at their tips. Or so he guessed, through his red lenses.
Without his spectacles, however, he would not be able to tell the true colors of those wings…for without them, he would not be able to see the wings at all.
“I’m sorry to hear of your loss. When did your husband pass away?”
“Oh, it was long ago, I’m afraid.”
“How dreadful. And yet you’re still so young. You must not have had much time together. A tragedy.”
For several moments, the woman only gazed up at him, her eyes as impossible to read as her lips. His eyeglasses could reveal those wings sprouting through the material of her gown, but could not reveal to him the thoughts behind her features.
“I’m new to this town, Father, but I’ve not seen you before. Are you a newcomer yourself?”
“I’m from Candleton. And yourself?”
“Summerland.”
“I’m not sure I’ve been there.”
She smiled. “It’s quite far from here.”
“I see.”
“I’ve been to Candleton. That was where that cathedral burned so badly last year, wasn’t it? Oh dear—that wasn’t your church…”
“Indeed, I’m afraid it was.”
“Oh no…”
“Yes, it was quite mysterious. Some say there are dark forces at work in Candleton. Two of my fellow priests died in the fire.”
“How terrible. Yes, I’ve heard some say your town is thoroughly haunted. And wasn’t the cathedral built upon one of those ancient straight paths? I’ve seen the standing stones in your town…”
“It’s a very old town.”
“Was the cathedral ruined beyond repair?”
“I’m afraid so. But you see my spectacles?”
“Yes. They’re interesting.”
“I had them made from the stained glass of one of our cathedral windows. It was a powerful place, our church. I thought seeing through this glass would lend extra vision to my sight.” He smiled at his own joke.
“And does it?”
“Yes. It does just that. So, Mrs. Garland…when was it you last visited Candleton?”
“Oh…really I don’t recall. It was some time ago. The cathedral was standing the last I saw it.”
They had begun to stroll together, toward the garden. Venn noticed that, though the air was lush and still, a continuous soft breeze seemed to ruffle the dark feathers of the woman’s wings.
“Have you ever raised funds to have other potter’s fields blessed and their plots properly marked?”
“No. This is the first time.”
“And why this one?”
Emma Garland stopped and turned to face the priest. Even smiling, her true expression lay hidden and mysterious to him. “You ask quite a lot of questions, Father.”
He feigned a look of distress. “Do I? I’m terribly sorry. I don’t mean to be rude…”
She began to lead him toward the garden again. The sun was burning its way below the edge of the earth, and the garden was blue with the gloom of summer evening. Still, the priest did not remove his eyeglasses.
“Don’t apologize, Father. I enjoy your com- pany…”
The garden as they moved through it had been abandoned but for a young couple they startled, seated on a bench in an amorous embrace. Straightening themselves, they rose and departed briskly. Watching them go, Emma Garland smiled. “To be young and in love again.”
“You’re still young, Mrs. Garland. Aren’t you?”
The woman lifted her eyes to his red lenses, the smile draining from her lips. “I’m not as young as I look. But you know that, Father Venn. Don’t your spectacles show me for what I am? Do they show me as a rotted corpse?”
“You’re quite lovely, to be honest.” Venn tried not to swallow the saliva that flooded his mouth. He didn’t want her to see his adam’s apple nervously shift.
“I died with my husband, Father. In 1829.”
“How did you know what my spectacles could do?”
“As you can see mysteries through them, Father, so can I. I can see your eyes through them.”
Venn wished that the sun would last a while longer. The red lenses made the garden purple and as dark as a garden at the bottom of the sea. And like some phosphorescent fish, the pale face of the woman before him seemed almost to glow luminous.
“When the cathedral was burning, I saw a winged figure through the window,” Venn told her. “I didn’t know if it were an angel come to lead our souls away, or a dark angel who had come to destroy us.”
“I can’t help you with that, Father. I wasn’t that angel.”
“Several months ago when I visited here I saw you in town, at a distance. In the company of Mrs. Fawley. And then when the good Father Clare told me of Mrs. Fawley’s party…”
“You came to destroy me. Thinking I destroyed your church.”
“What are you, if not a fallen angel? Why are you walking the earth?”
“Why are you walking the earth, Father?”
“I have a mission. To do good. To right wrongs.”
“As do I. Father Venn…though tonight I wear this lovely dress, and mingle with this lovely group of people, in my mortal life I was not so fortunate. My husband and I both lie in that potter’s field. Pinned to that unconsecrated ground as though we were both staked through the heart. All because we didn’t have a few words said over us by some man in black. And there are babies there, Father. All cursed to a limbo of endless waiting, all for want of a few drops on their brows. It’s cruel, Father Venn. The rules aren’t fair. Men make the rules. God is more compassionate than that, I think. But men’s rules are men’s rules and that’s how the game is played.”
“So what you want is to be released…”
“To be exorcized, Father. To have the demons of our unworthiness cast out. To be allowed the peace we have so long been denied. I’m not a fallen angel, Father. I was never permitted to rise.”
Laughter came distantly from the house, like the chatter of night insects, tiny and ephemeral. Though the woman’s anger was strong, Venn no longer feared her.
“Why did it take you so many years to arrange this blessing?”
“I was just released from my grave this year. I don’t understand the lapse. Perhaps God was busy and I had to wait my turn on His list. Perhaps He’d forgotten us, in our unhallowed corner. Perhaps it was a penance I had to pay for the sins of my life.”
Venn shook his head. “I couldn’t tell you. But let me help you. I’ll be here with Clare on that day. I’ll set you free. You and your husband, and all the others.” He gazed off into the murk of the garden. “Perhaps it was this I was meant to do all along, and not hunt for the demon that burned my cathedral, as I believed.”
“Maybe it was God Who burned your cathedral,” said Emma Garland. “You don’t seem to know Him any better than I.”
“I suppose not,” he murmured. After a moment he began to move away from the woman. “I’ll go now, Mrs. Garland. But I will be back—I promise you.”
“Father?”
“Yes?”
“When you put me to rest, will you then be able to rest, yourself?”
He smiled. “I do hope so.”
“I can see your eyes, Father. You know you died in that fire, also, don’t you?”
“Yes. I know that.”
“I just wanted to be sure you understood. So many ghosts don’t realize it.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Garland. It was a pleasure meeting you.”
“Thank you, Father Venn.”
“Forgive me for…not understanding you,” he said.
“Forgive me for my bitterness.”
“You are forgiven.”
The priest reached up to his face and removed his spectacles at last, folding them away. For the first time, he saw the lovely woman without her tapered black wings. He had wanted to see her this way. As if they both might pretend they were mortal again.
“Good night, Mrs. Garland,” he told her.
“Good night, Father,” she replied.
Gun Metal Blue
Every gun has a demon.
They might be thought of in that sense, or they might be considered elemental spirits, bred from the mating of ore harvested from the earth and the fire of forging. And some essence of their being might even come from the manufacturers of these machines; an errant shred of human mind or soul, entering into the alloy.
They are as diverse in form as are the guns themselves. The demons that are linked to single-barrel, break-open shotguns, for instance, are Cyclops-eyed and slack-mouthed. When they kill a human, these beings barely notice the difference from their usual diet of fowl and squirrel.
But there are demons with sharp minds and a ravenous hunger for the rending of human flesh. They are the demons of the genus Glock or Beretta. They are often far more intelligent than their owners, who feel that winning a rock of crack or settling a driving dispute is a worthy enough wish for the summoning of the genies from these polished lamps. Those humans who feel that an absence or an abundance of melanin in the skin cells is reason enough to kill the other. The demons know no such racism, though they often kill each other’s owners, orphan each other until the next masters comes along to adopt them. The demons know no competition with one another, although the makers of their earthly metal vehicles compete to out-do each other’s product. The demons welcome the competition. The better the gun, the sharper their minds.
It does seem that the complexity or sophistication of the gun dictates the intelligence of the resident spirit, as if the minds of the human designers and engineers have imparted their force to the demon’s mind. And it seems that the intended use of each gun dictates the disposition of the attending demon, in regard to its thirst for human blood.
For there are many breeds of these demons which crave human blood; not content with rabbits and deer, demons that are vampires waiting in the metal coffin of an ammunition clip, that fly free—embodied in part in each bullet—to taste that blood. The demon of a gun is both a god demanding sacrifice, and the sacrificial knife itself.
* * *
His name, for all intents, was J611821. This was the serial number stamped in the butt of the Smith and Wesson .38 Chief’s Special Revolver, Model No. 36. It was a snub-nose with a five shot cylinder and checked walnut grips. His first owner had ordered pearl grips and left a deposit for them but had never picked them up. The metal of J611821’s earthly form had a chrome-bright nickel finish, though his demon’s flesh, could it be seen by the limited vision of humans, would have appeared as dark as the metal beneath that mirrored nickel epidermis. All humans were red on the inside, J611821 liked to joke to himself, and all demons were a deep gun metal blue.
J611821 joked only with himself because there was no interaction between demons, not even on a telepathic level. The most they had was an awareness of their brothers, a sort of collective unconscious, a vague feeling of their connectedness and shadowy memories of their origins in wombs of fire.
But J611821 was not alone in his world. Sometimes he’d had guests, over the years…
He had first been owned by a man who only dreamed of violence, of brutal revenge for wrongs imagined or real, but who had never actually set J611821 free against anything more living than a tree. J611821 had been born in the late 70’s following a pure lineage of revolvers before him; he was young and old at the same time. But times had changed. After decades of sameness, a race of radical new guns had been born; semi-automatics were revered in the arts and favored in the streets by cop and criminal alike. He accepted the change; he felt no competition, envy or resentment. What he lacked in modern looks and ammo capacity he made up for in the sheer dependability of his durable, simple design. And he welcomed the passing of time, because it finally brought him his first taste of blood.
His first owner’s home was broken into and J611821 was stolen. He missed being carried from room to room by his first master, because the man’s adrenalin had tasted good to him in place of blood. He missed his master pointing him into the mirror and silently snarling hatred. But his second master ended his virginity in a sense, when this man killed another behind the counter of a convenience store. The store proprietor fired some shots of his own before he was killed, and J611821 remembered nearly brushing a bullet from that man’s gun as they crossed in flight, but even then the two demons had not been able to communicate with each other.
Since that glorious first night’s feeding there had been only two others over the last decade. But J611821 was not impatient. He knew his sturdy design would endure, perhaps for centuries…and he would feed again.
But it was not blood that he fed on in the literal sense. He thirsted for blood more for the sheer symbolism of it, for the sight of it, than for any real sustenance it might provide. It was what the blood represented that he truly fed on. The blood was simply the bright red lingerie that clothed the object of true desire. And that desire was for ghosts.
Each soul that was freed from its earthly cells by a bullet became the property of the demon who had liberated it. J611821 had known three such visitors. He had captured three such slaves. And it was on these souls that he actually feasted.
* * *
Kirk Whitehead had been dissed. That is, he had been made to countenance a grave act of disrespect. Tonight at Tommy’s party, Ricardo Ortiz had made a pass at Kirk’s girlfriend,
Shelly. And Shelly had even flirted back with Ortiz. When Kirk had got in Ortiz’s face about it, Ortiz and his friend Manny had pushed Kirk around, knocked off his baseball cap and half torn his jacket off him in the scuffle. Kirk had stormed out of the party without so much as a glance back at that traitorous, smirking girlfriend of his.
Kirk couldn’t understand why Tommy had invited the Puerto Ricans in the first place. He couldn’t understand Shelly flirting with Ortiz, as if she might find the creature attractive. Kirk’s fury was volcanic, too awesome a force to be contained, like some ancient, wrathful god let loose in the body of a seventeen year old. The pimples on his neck seemed to glow more red, like pin holes in his flesh, showing the fire inside.
His car was a Frankenstein’s monster of bondo, rust, and parts that looked wrongly matched. By contrast, the pistol that he took from under the seat was pristine-looking, as clean as a carving from ice. Holding it in his fist, he felt stronger already. And so did J611821.
* * *
As if he gazed right out of the gun’s muzzle, J611821 relished staring into the faces of the children at the party. Their terror intoxicated him. He inhaled, in his way, their adrenalin. He smelled the platelets of their blood as, agitated, they rushed more quickly through veins like hordes of panicked sheep. The sweat of Kirk’s fist excited him further. He loved the foolish, weak, moronic boy at that instant. They had never been more bonded. The boy had purchased J611821 illegally six months ago and hadn’t yet used him. Now J611821 would relive the loss of his own virginity as the boy lost his. How could the sex humans experienced be more intense than this coupling of lust? How could the deluded artifice of love compare to the clean, honest purity of hate?
Kirk pulled the trigger. J611821 roared loudly in the ecstasy of release. He flew like an angel. He pierced the fragile dome of Ricardo Ortiz’s skull. Ah, the blood! All around him, tissues and membranes steeped in blood. And here, in the brain, the soul of Ricardo Ortiz made its office. Sometimes a demon had to pursue a soul through the body a little, but J611821 caught Ortiz instantly before the human’s essence even knew what was transpiring.
Kirk swivelled and thrust his arm at Ortiz’s friend. Three joyous blasts, and the boy went down with a slug flattened against his shoulder blade and two zigzagging through his meaty buttocks. The boy did not die, however, and J611821’s instincts told him that he would not perish from these wounds. A pity. Ah, but the blood. And before he withdrew his essence from the buried lead slugs, abandoning them, J611821 at least got to taste the fluttery horror in the boy’s soul.
A black boy tried to seize hold of Kirk’s arm, to twist the gun up so that Kirk would shoot himself under the jaw. Ah, that would be nice! Despite his rapture for their bonding, J611821 would have loved nothing more than to feast on the soul of one of his masters. Imagine
* * *
Ricardo Ortiz did not have a body in any real sense. Even to J611821, the human merely resembled a barely corporeal ragged membrane swimming in the air, like the ghost of a jellyfish. But J611821 was able to reveal the beauty of this, his other form. Not as shiny as his earthly self, to be sure, but just as impressive. To Ortiz, the demon’s head might have appeared like the skull of an antelope charred to a beetle’s blue/black color, the horns majestic and the eye sockets empty. But the demon’s terribly long fingers were tipped in claws like an eagle’s. And to welcome his guest, J611821 reached out with these hands and drew Ortiz to him. In doing so, he tore a shred from the ragged jellyfish, and stuffed it between his rows of midnight blue molars.
He had been greedy that first time, with the store owner. Had eaten his soul in a few great, gluttonous bites. Since it was a long time between visitors, J611821 would make Ortiz last. He would ration him, a shred at a time.
He might make Ortiz last for months. Years, if he could restrain himself. But the screeching wails of Ortiz’s soul were so intoxicating that he feared he might lose all control.
* * *
The mangled soul had lapsed into a sort of coma. They did that sometimes, but they became revitalized and reawakened eventually. For now, J611821 turned his attention outward again to see what had become of Kirk. More specifically, to see who his new master might be. The black boy who had seized Kirk’s arm?
There were no humans in the new place he had been brought to. Only other demons, their thoughts hidden from him inside the metal skulls of their own guns. J611821 was reminded of the plant where he and his kindred demons had been mass produced. He was reminded of the store where his first master had bought him. Not since those places had he been in the company of so many of his brethren.
But this was not a store. Despite his location with many other pistols displayed on a wall, despite the rows and rows of handsome, gleaming rifles with their primitive bodies mostly of wood and with brains like those of the animals they killed.
Chains. Trigger locks. This was a prison. Oh, no. It couldn’t be this bad…
He was in the collection unit of a police department. Yes, there was a tag hanging from him like the plaque above the human Jesus.
He might be here for years. No one to hold him. No rage to soak into his metal. No blood.
He must shout to the humans who would eventually come in bringing new captive guns with them, or removing guns as exhibits in trials. He must shout to their minds as best he could.
But all the guns would be yelling the same thing, wouldn’t they? Canceling each other out? And in any case, the men who came in here would already have guns on their hips. For the first time in his life, J611821 felt envy and resentment for other guns, thinking of those smug police issues.
He might never taste blood again. Or soul, most importantly. Despite the guns all around him, he felt alone. Like a dog that prefers humans to its own kind, he despaired at never again knowing the bond of blood lust. He glanced back behind him at the mutilated shroud that was Ortiz. He would make Ortiz last. Yes, if he only took tiny bites for decades, he could make him last.
But what if the human jailors ultimately sent him to be destroyed?
The thought terrified him. Panicked him.
For the first time in his life, J611821 wished to break free of his beautiful earthly shell entirely. To escape it. But he was linked to it until it was someday broken to pieces, or melted down, or rusted to powder thousands of years from now. He and the revolver were one and the same.
The humans had given him a new number on the tag he wore. The number of a prisoner. But it was a mere ink scrawl, not like the proud etching in his shining skin.
Until he rejoined the hell-fires of his birth, he was forever J611821.
The Sister
From the mouth of a narrow alley, hidden on the other side of a wooden fence, Walt Corbin took a photograph of Richard Martin going down on Ed/Edna, the Half-Man/Half-Woman.
Steam billowed from a grate within the tiny courtyard, and Walt had to wait for the chill winter wind to part it like a misty curtain in order to steal his shots. The walls of the courtyard were the stone flanks of great city buildings, so close they were nearly touching. They were as gray as the sky and just as cold and hard.
Through his lens, Walt didn’t think that the Half-Man/Half-Woman was anything more than a full man (Ed/Edna’s stiff, saliva-slick pole would be the envy of many a man) who had grown his hair long on the left side, applied makeup to the left side of his face, shaved his left leg, and built up the muscles in his right leg and arm. Walt caught a glimpse of a bare left breast as Martin reached into Ed/Edna’s half-feminine, half-masculine blouse to knead it. Ed/Edna had probably injected paraffin under his skin on one side to achieve the effect.
Perhaps Martin’s wife, who had paid Walt to follow her husband and take these pictures, would have been somewhat more relieved if Ed/Edna had been an actual hermaphrodite, at least partially female, rather than a homosexual. But in the long run, Walt didn’t think Mrs. Martin was going to be much relieved by anything.
The “half-and-half” put his/her hands on Martin’s head and moaned in a deep voice, the head rising and falling with increasing rapidity. Even though Walt’s picture-taking was finished, he stayed for the final outcome. He doubted that anything within the Five-In-One show was more interesting than this. It didn’t matter that Walt was not homosexual; he had entered the realm of theater and illusion here, and found himself growing hard as he spied on the furtive encounter. He wanted to reach into his own trousers, but resisted, unnerved by the windows that soared above the courtyard on all sides. But these seemed blind, like the eyes of dead things.
When Martin was done administering, Ed/Edna went down on him in turn. Martin’s breath gouted from him in blasts of cloud in the freezing air. Walt stayed for this, too, but dared take no more photos for fear that the flash and pop of his bulb would finally be noticed.
Walt’s erection ached in his trousers by the time it was all over, like another living entity affixed to his flesh, with a mind and hunger all its own, that wanted to be released and be sated. But the most Walt would do for the parasite was reach into his pants to point it straight up, so it was no longer slanting painfully along his thigh.
Martin handed the performer some cash. Then the two of them straightened up their clothing and turned back inside the Five-In-One building, leaving Walt to recover himself a bit. His job was done. This was how he made his living. But at least he was here shooting pictures and not in Europe shooting bullets at Nazis. And at least he didn’t have to work in a freak show, and give blow jobs in an alley. He hadn’t sunk to those kind of depths—right?
* * *
Walt was mildly curious as to what other attractions might be housed within the “Museum of Wonders and Terrors,” so after locking up his camera safely in his automobile’s trunk, he paid his admission at the door and entered into the building’s gloomy interior.
During the summer, this show would take to the road. Some shows relocated to places like Gibsonton, Florida in the colder months, but this was one that stayed on, indoors and warm. In theory. Walt found the large single room inadequately heated, and felt sorry for several of the scantily-costumed exhibits within. It was these scanty outfits, however, that increased his interest, and centered his focus on one performer especially.
There was only a trickle of customers at this time of day, most honest men at work or war and children at school, but those who were here seemed drawn primarily to the same creature Walt was…less intrigued by the sword swallower, Baby Susie the Eight-Hundred Pound Woman (her vast arms, bared by the dress she wore to show off her wealth of flesh, goose-pimpled by the cold), and Ed/Edna, looking both femininely haughty and mannishly tough. A dwarf loped quickly by Walt and bumped him, apologized. Walt realized he’d been staring across the room, through the milling people, in a kind of hypnotic daze. He shuffled closer to the woman who a banner proclaimed was “Betty Ann Johnson—The Woman With Two Bodies!”.
Walt hung back behind two other men—short, wiry sailors in rumpled white—and peered over their shoulders, as if he couldn’t break out of being the stealthy voyeur.
Betty Ann Johnson was a black woman, wearing what amounted to a two-piece bathing suit (not common or encouraged at the time), white against the rich chestnut brown of her bared skin, her body soft and rounded—not so that she was chubby, but she did have the ripeness of a fertility goddess, whose fecundity had perhaps gone astray. Her hair was drawn back from a handsome face with broad high cheekbones, full dark lips, and far-spaced, almond-shaped eyes. She was chatting amicably with members of the small crowd, answering questions, and when her gaze swept across Walt he took one involuntary step back.
Between the sailors, who were no doubt half titillated and half repulsed (their revulsion and titillation no doubt amplified by the color of the woman’s skin), Walt saw a large, misshapen growth protruding from the woman’s mid-section on her left side. It was as though a smaller black woman had curled up in a fetal position and buried her head and upper body shyly inside the body of the first…or, as though it were a baby that had never entirely emerged from the womb.
This second body was entirely unclothed, though the way its distorted form and withered limbs were situated, no embarrassing portions were revealed. It was a bit difficult for Walt to make sense of what he was seeing. There was a full, rounded body that looked as healthy as the greater part of Betty Ann, its flesh just as chestnut rich. But was it a bottom? A belly? Neither or both? In any case, from this grew one twisted arm and two legs, bent back upon themselves. Though the thighs started out full, they tapered quickly into wasted useless sticks with underdeveloped toes, just as the scrawny arm ended in a gnarled hand.
One of the sailors said to the woman in a grating twangy drawl, “I seen someone like you in a carnival once, but he was a man from India who had a little twin that was a girl stickin’ out of his belly.”
Betty Ann’s voice was soft and polite as she disagreed with the sailor. “Well, a doctor who came here and saw me one time said that can’t be. He told me that only two brothers or two sisters can be joined together like this.”
“Well I’m telling you what I seen,” the sailor persisted, bristling. “It was dressed up in a little dress like a doll, with its head in his guts.”
“That doesn’t make it a girl,” said Walt, and the two sailors turned and he felt the black woman’s eyes upon him again. He knew she wouldn’t have continued her debate with the sailor, but he had come to her defense without meaning to step out of his voyeur’s shadows. He went on, “I’m a twin, too—and only fraternal twins can be male and female. My twin was a girl. But only identical twins can be siamese twins.”
“Well she ain’t no siamese twin, neither—shows what you know, slick. Siamese twins is like two whole bodies connected up. She ain’t got but half a sister, there, slick.” The sailor grinned threateningly, and his buddy mirrored the leer as if he were a twin, himself.
Walt held open his jacket to show his holstered .38. “Why don’t you scientific experts go look at the fat lady, huh?” The double grins faded, and the sailors moved on, perhaps wondering if Walt’s abused fedora and the black gun clinging to his ribs like a parasite itself made him a gangster or a cop, instead of the hired investigator he actually was.
The knot of people broke up, no doubt intimidated by the air of potential ugliness, leaving Walt briefly alone with Betty Ann Johnson.
“Thanks,” the black woman said. “So, you’re a twin, too, huh?”
“Yeah. But that’s a long story.”
“I see.” She obviously didn’t, but she gave him a smile that was bright against her lovely skin.
For a moment, Walt hesitated awkwardly, trying to keep his eyes off the form that bulged in the air between them, its gnarled half-arm seeming to reach for him. Then he stammered, “Ah, hey…it’s getting near lunch time, and maybe you wouldn’t mind, uh, going with me? My treat?”
He saw the woman’s smile flicker at the corners, and he regretted what he’d done. She replied, “That’s awful nice of you…but you sure you wouldn’t mind being seen outside with a girl like me?”
“I got no problem with Negro people.”
Her smile resumed its previous proportions, and she gestured at the figure protruding from her abdomen, to the left of the inviting dark wink of her navel. “I meant this.”
Now it was Walt who grinned, embarrassed. “I wouldn’t ask you if I was worried about it.”
Betty Ann shrugged. “Well, I am hungry. I eat a lot, I’m afraid. Got to eat for Sally, too.”
“Sally. Did your parents give her that name?”
“No—I did. There’s a place right down the street we can go. They’re used to our kind in there, by now. So what’s your name, mister?”
He told her. They shook hands. Walt thought that they both seemed to linger slightly too long at the contact of their warm flesh.
* * *
Seagulls knifed white against the ashen sky, lifted on the icy wind like the few flakes of snow that fell. Walt and Betty Ann walked past shut up arcades and tourist shops, returning from the greasy little diner where they had lunched and had coffee. They took their time on the way back. Betty Ann wore an open coat over a voluminous flower-print dress that made her look pregnant with a Shetland pony, Walt thought. Then he thought of the centaur, and other mythological beings. Gods, goddesses, wonders with the bodies of humans mixed with those of other creatures. Marvels…
At the moment, they were not laughing and chatting comfortably as they had in the diner. Walt had begun telling Betty Ann about his parents, and the two of them were grim, did not look at each other.
“They were both drunks,” Walt told her. “They’d both pass out, and my sister Louise and I had to make our own supper. When there was food enough in the house to cook. They both had other lovers, too. So one day my father came home—my sister and I were outside playing…we didn’t see it…not until afterwards—my father came home and found my mother with her latest boyfriend. And he was jealous. And he shot her with a shotgun. And then the boyfriend. And then himself.”
“I’m so sorry,” Betty Ann told him softly, not looking up from the pavement. She had her left arm cradled under her veiled twin, to help support its weight as she walked.
“The state sent my sister and I to two different foster homes. We were eight years old. And we’ve never been together again.”
Betty Ann came to a stop and looked at him, forcing him to do the same. The emotion in her face was earnest, and painful to him. “But you’re a private eye!” she protested. “You could find her now!”
“It’s too late,” he muttered.
“But…”
“I did find her. I saw her…I watched her. She’s married now, has kids. She looks happy. I couldn’t talk to her. I left her alone. She’s happy now.” Walt returned his gaze to the sidewalk, and resumed walking. Betty Ann fell in beside him again.
When they were outside the “museum” (a couple going inside pointed to Betty Ann’s bulging dress and whispered to each other), Walt swallowed a slug of saliva and asked, “Could I take you to a movie some time?”
“I don’t like to go out in public too much, Walt,” she told him gently.
“I understand…” He was unhappily ready to give up on it at that moment.
“You want to come visit me tonight? After I’m done?” She gestured to the windows above the museum. “I live up here. We could talk some more. Have a drink.”
Walt’s mood lifted. He smiled again, and once more they shook hands. Once more the warm press of their contrasting flesh.
“What time?” he asked.
* * *
Music murmured dark and smoky from the phonograph in Betty Ann’s flat, one floor up from the Five-In-One show. She poured Walt a whiskey. He had removed his fedora and wrinkled jacket, and had left his gun at home with his camera.
Walt sipped, sighed at the painful warmth, laid his drink aside. He spread his arms. “Care to dance?”
Betty Ann, hiding her bathing suit and twin beneath her flowered tent of a dress again, spread her hands above the ungainly shape that was covered like a corpse under a sheet. “Sally sort of gets in the way.”
“Wait,” Walt said, and moved around in back of Betty Ann. She started to turn to face him but he held her shoulders in place. Then, he embraced her softly from behind, resting his hands on her waist above where her hips flared. She put her hands over his, and they began to slide back and forth as one—or as three—to the murky melancholy music.
“This is nice,” Betty Ann said.
“Yes.” Walt drew her closer against his front. “This is nice,” he repeated, close to her ear, so finely and perfectly formed.
Her full bottom pressed against his front, and soon he began to grow hard against it. His erection ached to lie in its inviting dark cleft, the thin but imprisoning layers of their clothing preventing it.
Walt bent his head to her neck, and kissed her brown skin there. It was as warm as her hand had been. She reached up one of her hands, and laid it upon his cheek.
Walt then turned the woman around to face him, impulsively, passionately. He embraced her from the front, but a bit to one side, the twin between them as if to keep them apart. Still, he got his arms around her. Locked his mouth to hers. They exchanged tongues, and still swayed to the music.
After several minutes of this, Walt kneading her left breast through her clothing as they kissed, he stepped back from her and began to bunch up her dress. But Betty Ann took his hands gently. Her face looked pained.
“I’ve seen it,” Walt reassured her. “Remember? I’m not afraid. I’m not disgusted.”
“It’s all people ever see,” she whispered, her voice husky with emotion. “It’s like I’m the one who never got to live…”
“I’ve seen her already,” Walt repeated. “Now I want to see the rest of
Slowly, Betty Ann’s hands slipped away from his. Slowly, he raised her dress up over her head. It caught a moment, snagged on one of Sally’s legs. Betty Ann quickly reached to untangle it.
Again, the white bathing suit-like outfit, as startling against her skin as her teeth when she smiled. She wasn’t smiling now—still looked timid, afraid—but he could feel the heat uncoiling off her skin, coming in slow panting waves from her slightly open mouth.
He removed her top. His lips and tongue brought her nipples, almost black against her dark skin, to a hardness so exciting he had all he could do not to bite down on them. His hands ran across her smooth shoulders, and then drifted down to find the edge of her outfit’s bottom portion. He began to skin it from her. His forearm nudged against the swell of Sally’s body. They both ignored it. They backed as one toward the sofa in her tiny living room.
Atop Betty Ann on the sofa now, Walt hastily unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped his trousers with one hand. She helped him by pulling off his white shirt and pushing his trousers down his legs with her toes. She helped him further by taking his engorged cock in hand and nuzzling its head against her lower lips, which parted to admit it. He fed himself long and deep into her, inside her where it was moist already and so wonderfully, tropically hot in contrast to the cold awaiting them outside her little apartment.
Sally brushed against his side as he moved rhythmically inside Betty Ann, his body at a slight angle atop her. They both disregarded the intrusive contact as best they could.
* * *
Walt came to see her nearly every day, as his work permitted. He did not pay her, as Ed/Edna’s lovers did; he offered to help Betty Ann, but learned she made a whole lot more money than he did, and had bought her parents a nice home and sent her brothers and a cousin to college.
Every time he visited her, they had a drink or two. Most times they danced. And always, they ended up in her bed.
After the first several awkward times, in which he had done all he could to minimize contact with Sally, Walt began to be less concerned about it. He would lie more directly across Betty Ann, Sally pressed up fully against his side as if growing out of him instead, and he would even rest his hand on the parasitic twin’s rounded ball of a body—as smooth as Betty Ann’s own curved flesh—while pumping in and out of his lover. On the fourth time they made love, things became so impassioned—both of them sheened in sweat, Betty Ann’s legs hooked over his calves, her soles pale and toes clenched—that Walt took hold of one of one of Sally’s legs at the knee where the limb began its tapering and held onto it as he cried out in climax.
Ever the love-making, but marriage never came up. Marriage would be unthinkable to the world outside these close walls. Not so much because of the half-dead, half-buried sister depending from Betty Ann’s body, but because of her color. One time only she mentioned it. With her head resting on his bare arm, she mused quietly, “I can never be married like my parents. Like my brother Sam. I can’t live like they do. Sally won’t let me. We’re stuck together in every way, Sally and me.” And she had laughed sadly. Walt had, too. But he hadn’t contradicted her.
One night when he stayed over, as he increasingly did, they listened to the ocean’s wintry ghosts wail through the chasms and ravines of the city beyond these windows. Sheets pooled sweaty around them, a bottle glowing ambery on the floor. Walt was kissing the soft swell of Betty Ann’s belly, pressing his lips into her navel where the mysterious link to another human being had been long ago severed. She ran her fingers absent-mindedly through his bristling short hair.
His lips moved from her belly to the greater swell of Sally. “Hi, Sally,” he purred playfully, to attract Betty Ann’s distracted eyes. He smiled, and ran his tongue up the swollen hump. He began to stroke one thigh, which if his eyes were closed would have been indistinguishable in itself from Betty Ann’s. A bit more curiosity took hold of him, and he moved the heavy thigh aside. Nestled between the parasite’s legs, which were always cocked to one side in such a way that the public was protected from the view, was a small patch of knotty black hair.
“Hmm, what do you have here?” he teased quietly, and traced the tip of his forefinger along the folded crease at the center of that kinky hair. He smiled again at Betty Ann, who smiled back at him shyly, and he returned his attention to the slit he caressed. He wet the tip of his finger in his mouth, then rubbed the seam some more.
After a minute or so of this, he was surprised to find his fingertip could slip between the secret lips, to a warm and moistening interior. He pressed his finger in deeper, worked it until he could insert two fingers. Shifting his position, growing hard, he inserted two fingers of his other hand inside Betty Ann herself.
He couldn’t take this very long. With his fingers still inside Sally, his cock so hard that its solidity ached, he penetrated Betty Ann and began to rock his hips madly.
And after a minute or so of this, Walt slipped out of Betty Ann, took his cock in hand, and rubbed its end against Sally’s dampened slit. With just a little resistance from tighter muscles, a more restricted channel, he was inside, snugly sheathed. Propping himself up over the twin so as not to lie directly atop its bony limbs, he resumed his passionate thrusting. The slick sloshing noise of his movements within the underdeveloped body excited him to further heights, and he cried out loudly as he burst fiery inside it, holding tightly onto one leg at the joint of its knee.
Afterwards, they lay heavy and hot, again listening to the ocean wind. Walt was running his hand over Betty Ann’s belly, but she had stopped running her hand over his short bristling hair.
* * *
Walt was going down on Betty Ann. It was something men didn’t boast about to each other, for fear of coming across as sick, dirty, perverted. Years ago, an older female cousin had introduced Walt to the forbidden pleasure.
After pressing his nose and lips against Betty Ann’s dark mound, Walt slipped sideways to Sally. Spread her legs that never moved on their own, the hand that never moved on its own jutting in the air like the insensate claw of a gargoyle grown from the body of a cathedral. Walt pressed his nose and his lips to the dark mound of the headless sister that dangled from the belly of his lover, hooking each of her thighs around his ears. He moaned softly against the slick flesh, his penis hard between his belly and the mattress, which was as damp as the floor of a jungle.
Betty Ann’s hands did not touch him, her fists coiled around the bars of her metal headboard. Christmas music crooned half-heard from the radio, crackling as if the falling snow interfered with its reception. And Walt thought he heard one soft, whispery sob…but when he lifted his slippery, hungry face to look, Betty Ann’s face was turned to the gloomy shadows of her little apartment.
* * *
On Christmas eve, Walt arrived at the Five-In-One with bundles in his arms, snow on his fedora’s brim. He even had presents for the fat lady, the dwarf, the sword swallower and Ed/Edna (a bottle of women’s perfume and a bottle of men’s cologne lashed together with a thick rubber band).
But when he got there, the police had arrived ahead of him. Real police, not private dicks like himself.
Leaving his bundles in the hall, Walt charged up the stairs. Her door was open. He shoved half way in past a cop before the man got a hold of him and stopped him. But he could see enough from where he stood.
Betty Ann’s body lay on the worn carpet, in front of the sofa where he had first made love to her. He didn’t know where she had acquired the shotgun that lay beside her like a spent lover. Betty Ann’s body was unmarked. Soft. Lovely. But the thing that had been Sally was burst like a strange fruit from the blast, rent horribly down the middle and its limbs even more askew.
Betty Ann’s eyes and mouth were half open. Her surgery had been unsuccessful. And she had bled. Bled so badly…her lustrous chestnut skin now grayish.
Walt sagged against the cop, no longer fought him. A sob was wrenched painfully up from his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I’m sorry…”
And a window rattled with a sharp, harsh gust of winter wind, like an agonized ghost aching to break through the pane—but trapped outside of it.
Hapi Birthday
Vultures wheeled in the sky, high and distant, an unsettling sight for an Easterner like myself. I don’t know why it should have bothered me, though. I’d been to many stranger places on the globe than Southern California…had just returned from such a place, in fact. But there was nevertheless an alien feeling to this day. The seemingly endless orange groves we had navigated to reach my friend’s remote house had seemed a great bleak expanse to me, despite their fecundity. And the house, when at last we arrived, was modern and odd-angled.
It had been built to the tastes of my friend, Ronald Montgomery, who had the wealth to indulge in all his tastes, and the imagination for those tastes to be unique. Perhaps it was the availability of everything money could buy that had turned his tastes more…unorthodox…over the years. That money makes us jaded, makes us lose our perspectives, is no new observation.
We had gone to school together; it was there, in fact, that I came under the thrall of his undeniable charisma. When I married, my wife gradually helped me break that hold. She had never liked Monty. I felt glad actually, relieved, when I began to assert my independence from him. He had moved to the west coast. But then came his visit, a brief stay. Now here I was…returning from a long trip to the Egypt I had always ached to visit. A trip sponsored by my friend, Ronald Montgomery.
Four strong men lowered the crate down from the truck and struggled it inside as Monty came out to embrace me. His arm around my shoulders, he gestured at the sweaty workers. “Like slaves moving one of the blocks at Giza, huh? Your timing couldn’t be better, Tim…did you remember that tomorrow is my birthday?”
Monty walked behind the men, craning his neck to observe their passage. He turned to me again and grinned. “Who would have thought the Valley of the Kings had any surprises left, huh, Tim?”
I nodded. “Who’d have thought that there was a tunnel so deep under Thebes? The deepest chamber recorded in the valley…”
“No one would have thought to look for it before, in the monkey cemetery of all places. But you see, Tim? You got me my treasure and I got you in the history books. Hey, I think you still owe me.”
I must confess I winced inside. I wanted to meet my obligation and escape back to my own life. “Well, they weren’t that happy to have the mummy taken. And
“The authorities weren’t too unhappy to take my money, and I have more of that than
“But this one was so…big. For a baboon. And its coffin.” I wagged my head.
“I don’t suppose any amount of money could have made them part with that, hm? Solid gold, like Tut-ankh-Amen’s inner coffin…”
“For a baboon! I know they were sacred, and high-ranking baboons received better burials than lower grade baboons, but Christ, you’ve seen the pictures! All they can say is that this monkey must have been a symbolic representation of the god Hapi.”
“Selected, no doubt, for its unusual size, as you’ve pointed out. Hey, gentlemen, easy there!”
* * *
Monty had been walking fine when I arrived, but by the time we had the mummy unpacked and on the table he had prepared for it, he was using his cane to support himself. When he was excited or upset, I knew, his equilibrium seemed to falter. It was his worsening MS that had kept him from joining me at the excavation; in the past, we had been a team on some of his expeditions, his adventures. And on many he had gone without me. The relics—no, the
“Hey,” I said half-jokingly, “I’m a little jet-lagged, Monty. You’re not really going to start unwrapping your birthday present now, are you?”
“You can go nap or freshen up if you’d like, Tim, but I’ve been waiting months for this, and everything’s set to begin. I don’t
I sighed, shrugged. I didn’t contest him…just like the old me.
And so we began undoing the careful and reverent work that had been done atop another laboratory table, fifteen-hundred years before the birth of Christ. That was not only the time when conspicuous pyramids were passed up in favor of the hidden tombs in the Valley of the Kings (to protect the interred from grave robbers such as ourselves), but it was when the Egyptians further perfected the art of preservation. These advances were increasingly reflected in the body we now labored over. The remains were fully swathed in linen, this covered in a glassy-black, hardened gum. The resin was so hard in places that Monty had to chisel at it, but he had anticipated this. In other places he was able to simply unwind the wrappings as I gently elevated the dry form.
While I held the baboon up in gloved hands, I glanced around at the lab. On a shelf there were several human infants pickled in a yellowish solution, perhaps formaldehyde. The infants were pathetically deformed, but their deformities were well preserved…
Monty was impatient but he wasn’t sloppy; we worked slowly and carefully, and recorded our progress with frequent photographs. Two video cameras were mounted on tripods. By the time we took our first break it had become dark, and while Monty pored over the photos I had mailed him of the baboon’s sarcophagus and the inner gold coffin, I wandered into the adjacent study to pour myself a little scotch.
Some of Monty’s trophies I was familiar with, others were a surprising revelation. Earlier, he had briefly pointed out some of his newer acquisitions, like a proud kid showing off a collection of baseball cards. The only difference between men and boys is the perversity of their obsessions.
Whether it had anything to do with being born in the early hours of All Saints’ Day, I don’t know, but Monty’s obsession was death. Rather—
Monty was very afraid to die. He had never told me—it was self-evident. Wasn’t it this fear of obliteration that had driven others to manufacture mummies in the first place, that kept the practice of embalming alive in our time? Monty’s acute fear had made his spirit as twisted and shriveled as the flesh of the bizarre audience now ringing me.
An Egyptian mummy had long been his desire, and he had had to settle for that of an animal, but he had done well in other lands with less restrictions. In a lighted case on one wall were several shrunken heads of the Jivaro Indians, long laces dangling from their sewn lips. There was a larger smoked head, of a Maori, its face covered in elaborate engraved tattoos. A full Maori mummy resided in a large cabinet, in the customary seated position, its face hideously contorted. A kneeling Peruvian mummy, with her hair thick and intact but her face like a loose human mask of dried clay, mostly broken apart. A skeletal body, barely crusted in skin, from the Aleutian Islands. Bodies like gnarled root things dug out from under huge trees, bodies like papier-mache. An international congress of the dead.
One of Monty’s more recent finds filled a large glass case in a corner, dimly and reverently lit: a bearded female midget that might have been a Neanderthal but that she was attired in a cute red dress which showed off her furry upper chest and complemented her uneasily attractive curves. This was “The Ugliest Woman in the World,” Julia Pastrana, made famous as a sideshow attraction before and after death. And still. When does a museum become a sideshow?
Superbly preserved as she was, her simian face seemed to glare at me.
With her on a pedestal was her tiny infant son, similarly hirsute. Monty had acquired the mummy Madonna and child from a collector in Norway. They were the most touching and pitiful exhibit in the whole depressing mini-museum. I felt ashamed for even looking.
In the dark living room beyond the study entrance, a jack-o’-lantern glowed. Monty’s boyish sense of fun, but it was an irreverent thing to look at, surrounded as I was by these kidnaped ancient beings. I remembered Monty once telling me how the Celts had started the custom by placing glowing coals inside hollow turnips, in order to ward off the spirits of the dead on Halloween night, when they were given to roaming.
A hand from the murk of the study lightly settled on my shoulder and I flinched. Monty smiled as if this had been his intention. “Let’s get back to it, Tim.”
* * *
So far we had removed over a hundred pieces of jewelry and protective amulets from within the wrappings of the monkey, each one delicately set aside. This had been one regal cynocephalus (sacred baboon). I had told Monty that all the other baboon mummies in the chamber had been positioned as though seated, representing the baboon god Thoth, a lunar divinity and also scribe to the gods.
Again reflecting on this creature’s remarkable burial, Monty reiterated, “This one was so large and important to them, they did it up like a king. From the looks of it, they even cut his tail off to further the effect. Definitely more Hapi than Thoth.”
Where Thoth was an actual baboon god, Hapi was more a baboon-headed god, as Horus had the head of a falcon, Anubis that of a jackal. Hapi was one of the four genii whose heads appear atop the canopic urns into which the internal organs of mummies were removed, these four protecting the soul of the departed when it was called before the judgment of the great god Osiris. Defense counsels for the dead, I thought. What would Hapi and his three comrades think of the great plunder of Egypt’s tombs through the ages, all the body-snatching in the name of curiosity?
“Here’s our boy,” Monty breathed through his surgical mask, as we unveiled the face of the mummy at last…
It was the canine face of a hamadryas baboon. Leathery, blackish, but very well preserved. The lips were twisted back grotesquely from the dark stained teeth, as though the baboon was exposing its fearsome tusks in a snarl.
We took pictures, then went on. As I was gently handling yet another protective amulet, Monty gasped my name. I looked up and he gestured me around the table to his side.
“My God!” I hissed.
“Am I losing my mind, Tim, or…”
“No,” I said. I examined the right hand and forearm Monty had just unwrapped. The hand was well enough preserved, though skeletal, to show that it bore no hair. Shaved perhaps. But there was no mistaking that this hand was, in size and proportion, more human than simian…
“Easy!” I warned Monty, but he had moved excitedly to the feet.
I shifted to help him. Within several minutes we had one foot exposed, and we were both speechless.
It was not the prehensile foot of a monkey, but the long and splendidly preserved foot of a man.
“Jesus, Monty, we can’t do this anymore! We have to get this X-rayed!”
“It’s almost finished, Tim, and it’s mine. We’re doing fine…”
“Monty, this is unheard of! To make a representation of Hapi, they sewed the head of a baboon onto the body of a man. Like those mermaids they used to exhibit in sideshows; a mummified monkey torso stitched to the tail of a fish.”
“Yes…incredible!”
“And like I say, unheard of! What we have here is a startling new find! Never before has there been any indication of such a thing in our studies of ancient Egypt. Never! This is a priceless mummy, not just another monkey mummy. To go on with this now would be arrogant and irresponsible!”
“But we’ve nearly finished, Tim, and as I say…it belongs to me. Their government let me take it. Now, I’ll allow people to come see it. I’ll let them copy my tapes. But we’re almost finished, and we’re going to finish. Okay?”
And what do you think I did?
* * *
By the time I went to bed it was nearly dawn. Monty stayed on with his prize, his birthday present, and out of a kind of disgust for him I blew out the new candle he had put inside his jack-o’-lantern on my way to my room. My sleep after the long day and night was a deep one, but it was a restless sleep nonetheless. Most of the nightmares were mercifully a dispersing mist when I awoke; just fragments lingered…
I recalled some kind of a dark door that opened; not so much an actual door, however, as a sort of tear opening up out of the shadows. A group of wispy dark figures slipped from it. In the course of the dream, however, these things apparently became animals, because next there came a distant roaring, growling, as though from a pit of wild dogs. And a horrible wet gurgling, as if someone had been thrown into that pit…and been seized by the throat before he could scream.
I lay awake, staring at the ceiling, sunlight streaming into the clean guest room. I remembered the remarkable composite mummy as we had left it, fully unveiled. There was no doubt whatsoever, with it completely exposed, that it was a human body. The funny thing was, I could find no stitches, no signs of fastening at the neck where the baboon head joined human shoulders. Of course, in places the wrappings had merged with the skin, so I imagined the stitches had merged with the flesh and that future analysis would reveal them.
I crept out of bed. Monty’s door was closed; still sleeping. Good. I needed the fresh air of independence. I showered, then dressed. Made myself a coffee, and wandered idly to go look in on the mummy again…
The door to the lab was open, showing the bright white of that room. And also, a vivid contrast, garish splashes of red…
I hurried to the door and looked in. I dropped my coffee mug and it shattered. I didn’t feel the burns of the coffee on top of my slippered foot until later.
The police came. I waited for them outside the house; wouldn’t return to it until they went before me.
How could I have slept through it while the murderers were at work on Monty? They had been so savage, and there had to have been more than one to have inflicted such terrible damage. But could there be more than one person so maniacal as to tear a man apart like that? To rend him with their teeth like that, all over his body?
Some strange cult, the police opined. Southern California had had them before. Who else would have left so many expensive material goods, opting instead to steal only Monty’s collection of the dead? For they were all gone. The new mummy from the table. The mummies in the study. The Maori head, the shrunken heads, even the freak babies were gone from their bottles. Julia Pastrana and her hairy infant were also missing from their large glass sarcophagus.
And who, but some cult of madmen, would have gone through the trouble of breaking off teeth from a few of these mummies—including one tusk from the model of Hapi—to bury them in several of Ronald Montgomery’s wounds?
How, I wonder, were they able to accomplish that other strange thing? At first, the police said the naked footprints in blood all around the body were those of the killers. But some prints belonged to tiny infants…too tiny to be walking. And the adult prints looked deformed, shriveled. The killers must have dipped the feet of the mummies in his blood, the detectives decided, to create an odd effect.
But how had the killers avoided making prints of their own feet in the process? I wonder these things still. Perhaps not really wanting to know the true answers…
Whatever hands were responsible for his death, Ronald Montgomery’s body was so mauled that—despite the provision in his will that it be embalmed—his family had it cremated.
Family Matter
I’ll tell you this about my family and me, but please, I must insist that you don’t repeat it to anyone. I think I can trust you…
Early one evening last autumn my dead father came knocking on my door. For a moment I didn’t recognize him; for one thing, I hadn’t been expecting him…and also, the massive injury which had killed him had left a gaping hole in his head from hairline to mid-nose, as if the top half of his face, eyes and all, had crumpled to fall inside like the cracked rubber head of an old doll. A spiked corona of split and creased flesh surrounded the dark pit like the rim of a blasted lunar crater.
Indeed, the object that had killed father had fallen from the heavens; his two hunting companions had seen a small bright flare descend from the violet dawn to strike him in the forehead. I had never seen father’s injury, as he had been given a closed casket funeral. Those who did examine him had never found a trace of the object that struck him.
I drew father inside before someone could see him on the step. He was uncommunicative then and remains so even now. I washed away the remnants of the obligatory efforts the mortician had made to cap that monstrous orifice. In the lamp light I could see the gray features inside his nearly hollowed head, some crusty dry and some slick. I did my best to pick the pebbles and mop the soil out of there; father had clawed his way up from his grave. I live directly behind the cemetery, in my father’s old house, so fortunately he hadn’t had far to come.
I called immediately to complain to the police that I had been visiting his grave only to find that sick vandals had disinterred my father and removed him for perhaps ungodly uses. I sounded properly distraught and outraged. They never came to investigate the condition of his plot.
When my wife arrived home from work she was dismayed to see that father had come to stay. Oh, but things changed. I had always wondered about them while father was alive; we had all lived under the same roof then, too. One afternoon I came home early to find father squirming atop my wife, he a grotesque hairy bloodless slug with his rump pulsing and she with her legs clamped around his fatty waist. She was running her tongue along the inner rim of his wound, then burying her face entirely within it, so that her moans and licks were muffled. This was why she didn’t see me. But I wasn’t angry, and after that often watched them.
One evening that winter she was bathing father and called me in to look at a tumor growing on his abdomen. In mere days, tadpole-like, rudimentary limbs began to sprout from it. Soon it was as though father had one of those half-formed twins growing out of his side. During this time he also started sneaking out of the house at night. I caught him at this, finally, having chased after him into the graveyard. There he stood over a fresh grave, naked in the night-blue snow, his whole body shaking violently as if in convulsion, a grin of wild rapture on his half-face, and black pus bubbling up over the lip of his wound.
I thought that he might be desiring a return to earth, but when the snow melted and my wife and I strolled in the cemetery as we often did we saw that the ground over that same grave had hollowed a bit—as if something below had been sucked away and the earth had settled into a depression. When spring came the grass was yellow in this spot and, by that time, in a dozen others.
Father’s excursions nourished the birth of my new brothers. They all grew from his lower body, starting out as tumors like the first, two of them forming simultaneously one time. The little figures broke off and reached adulthood in just weeks— though they cried shrilly throughout this growth period, as if it were agonizing for them. It was an exhausting time for us all. Uncles, perhaps they were, rather than brothers, for they were all clones of my father right down to the mole on his chin. Unlike him, they had intact noses and unmarked foreheads but none of them had eyes; there were barely even the cups of sockets there. We let their dark gray hair grow long to hide the absence of eyes and it grew at an amazing rate, as did their nails. My wife trimmed their hair somewhat and tried to keep up with those long nails.
By now my wife had also been producing off-spring, these also sired by my father but in the usual way. They were simply translucent semen-white salamander things, embryonic and again eyeless. She began to pass three or four of them a day, had to heap them into some old rabbit cages in the cellar with bricks to hold the covers down. We did our best to keep them confined but one morning before work I noticed one of them smashed in the road and I rushed to scrape up its remains before a curious driver could pull over to inspect it.
My wife became very attached to the wriggly little creatures. She would lie back and part her legs wide while I fed one into her head-first; the squirming of the thing in that place from which it had originated would amuse her greatly. She found it even more rewarding when one day, experimenting, I cut the head off one of the fetuses with shears and then pushed the remainder of it inside her. Its movements were much more energetic that way.
These tailed fetuses were what we fed to the uncles, which numbered four by spring. Though all alike physically, one of them seemed more intelligent and would sit with my wife and I at the dinner table, smiling at our conversation, turning his head from one to the other of us to listen while he chewed his own slippery meat. Finally I grew a bit daring, and perhaps for his benefit or perhaps to amuse myself I took this uncle out on some errands with me. He wore black glasses as a blind man would and my wife had tied his hair back in a ponytail. He smiled politely at people in the stores, but I saw him quiver his upper lip at a small boy who kept curiously trying to peer around the glasses.
Leaving for home, I could tell by uncle’s fidgety behavior that he had to use the bathroom, so we pulled into a café with its small men’s room on the outside—unlocked. We went in and I listened to the lumpy semi-solid splashing of uncle’s gelatinous urine while standing in the cracked-open doorway, smoking a cigarette. My mind had wandered but I heard a kind of gagging that caused me to look around, and there was uncle with his mouth stretched open so wide I thought it would tear at the corners. At first I thought he had found a child’s ball and crammed it into his mouth like a snake swallowing a large rat, but I stepped closer to him and saw it was a black metal globe or sphere with odd markings grooved into it. Uncle gave one good retch, and the orb dropped free. I put my hands underneath instinctively to catch it, but it never fell more than a few inches. It hovered there soundlessly in the air between us, and that was when I had the intuition that this was the same sort of heavenly object which had struck and killed father. In fact, I had the intuition that this was in fact the very same orb.
The black metal sphere floated past me, nudged the door open, was gone into the twilight. Uncle just zipped his fly nonchalantly and I told my wife what I had see over supper that night. She agreed that it might explain things. She told me that her sister had called while I was out to say that she had had a miscarriage. Depressed, my wife retired early for the night and all the uncles piled into bed with her to comfort her. I set up the video camera on a tripod and sat with father on the parlor couch watching them on the TV screen until they eventually dozed off, and then I switched to some gray old musical that father listened to raptly— rocking forward and back during the production numbers.
It was a mistake taking uncle out that day, I admit it now. Soon he began stealing out on his own as father had, but this time the authorities took notice. Live persons were disappearing in town, leaving only scenes of bloody struggle in the woods and in the graveyard. I didn’t see any of this for myself, but I read in the papers that in the most recent instance a victim had finally been found at the scene. This teen-age boy had been beheaded behind a boarded-up gas station a few streets from my house, and some strange markings within a rough circle had been scratched into his forehead, and his eyes gouged out—all this apparently rendered with the jagged end of a nearly stripped leg bone.
At last, in late summer, the police spotted my uncle in amongst the slanting older cemetery slates, kneeling by the corpse of a teen-age boy partly devoured. Uncle rushed at the men, snarling, his lips peeled back clown-red with blood, as I envision the scene based on newspaper accounts. An officer was so terrified that he fired a twelve gauge shotgun into the face of the unarmed madman. Thus it was that my uncle’s eyeless deformity was not discovered and in death he came to resemble my dead father even more, for lack of most of his face.
Soon the remaining three uncles took to pining and curled morosely in corners and in the cellar. They grew gray, seemed to wither, then died off one by one. I turned all the salamanders free in the cellar so they could feast on the crunchy mummified remains with great relish, clearing away all traces, but shortly after that those slithering creatures also began to mope, to vomit, and grow very cold to the touch…then to wither and die. It is fall again now, and I have been burning the last of the fetuses in piles of leaves.
Father no longer wants to pulse atop my wife. They both seem to brood, apathetic. Will they, too, wither and die, leaving me alone? Perhaps then to die, myself? The house is so empty now, so quiet and lonely; a sepulcher. A family vault. But families sometimes do die out utterly, leaving no progeny behind. Of course, my selfishness aside, I know that sometimes this is for the best.
I realize this is all quite embarrassing to hear and it’s awkward to tell. Family matters often are. But your family is your family and you love them, no matter what.
Again, please, I must insist…don’t tell anyone this story.
Dust
When my mother died she left me her skulls.
It wasn’t a common thing in the early 60s for a father to gain custody of his child in a divorce, but my mother didn’t contest it. Nor did she make any pretense of hiding from the judge that she was a suicidal, manic-depressive alcoholic unable to take proper care of herself, let alone an infant son.
She survived her suicidal depressions, and all the unthinkable quantities of liquor, but it was the cigarettes that ultimately ended her life’s turmoil. I remember her as she was when I was a young boy. My father never forbade her from visiting; nevertheless, these occasions were infrequent. Christmas time, usually, although she was normally a week or two late.
Mother was beautiful then, very tall and slim. She looked much more like her lanky father, Dad told me, than her mother—who had been very petite. Mother had short dark hair, and eyes slanted cat-like; a pale feline green. And the cigarettes, always cigarettes, her wrist flopped back as one who doesn’t smoke might do if pretending to smoke. She smoked with flair, the cigarettes an artistic prop. She was an artist. Maybe the butts helped her stay in touch with that.
In the last five years of her life she began to call me, write, and then even visit again after I hadn’t seen her for nearly ten years. I visited her as well. She was shockingly ravaged. Her hair gray, her face deeply lined—made leathery from all the time she had spent out West; Southern California, Arizona, New Mexico. The heavy flesh above her eyes that had once made them sexily slanted now was just sagging and wrinkled; the green eyes once startlingly clear and sharp, even when she was drunk, now were like the greenish cataracts of an old dog.
As a boy I had been afraid of her…and I think she had been afraid of me. Now I felt some tenderness for her. She had stopped drinking at last, rid herself of at least that artistic prop or inspiration. But drink had done its damage and the cigarettes continued to, and my mother died at fifty-five.
She had been living in New England again the past seven years, in the house she had inherited after her parents died. Now I had inherited the house from her. And her art. And her skulls…
* * *
“Sorry to hear that your fiancée broke off with you, Jack,” said my mother’s best friend, David Foster.
“Thanks. It’s okay. I introduced her to Mother once. I got the impression she didn’t like her.”
David smiled. “She hated her on sight.”
I chuckled. “Oh, really? Did she say why?”
“Well…just that she was a fat, loud midget with a mustache. Sorry,” he said, but we were both laughing.
“Angela was not fat…she was…plush.”
“I’m just telling you what Annie said. I’m glad for her that you broke up while she was still alive; she was worried about you. She was just afraid to say it.”
David owned a small shop here in Eastborough which sold South Western art, Native American jewelry, and pottery and such; I was surprised that this trendy sort of store could still survive with the economy gone so sour. And were Yuppies still buying the stuff when Navajo patterns were turning up on tacky shower curtains and rubber welcome mats? Apparently so, though at the moment their interest had seemed to shift to the Victorian…at least until that trickled down to the K-Mart crowd.
David had been Mother’s closest companion the last seven years of her life. He was a good-looking gay man with the likable combination of a boyish face and distinguished gray at the temples. I felt like I’d known him for years myself. Very funny, very kind to me, if a little catty. He liked to gossip, but his gossip about my mother was filled with obviously sincere endearment. David had met me at my mother’s house the first day that I came into possession of it, to point out the antiques and pieces of art Mother had willed to him before he took them away. I had told him this was not necessary; if Mother wanted him to have them I had no complaints, but I suppose he felt a little awkward about it. And I think he wanted to help show me around, as I had never spent much time in the house—certainly not exploring.
Preceding me into Mother’s studio, David asked, “Did she ever show you in here?”
“Yes, once. Briefly. She was making that at the time.” I pointed to a steer skull hanging on one wall of the large bedroom-turned-studio, which would have been brightly washed in sunlight had it not been so gray and rainy an afternoon. The skull was entirely covered in a mosaic of turquoise pebbles but for the horns; remarkably beautiful. Eagle feathers dangled from one horn. “I’m glad to see she finished it. The work she must have put into it.”
“God, yes. She’d done those before; I’ve sold a few at the store. A thousand a piece. But worth it.”
There were numerous cattle skulls on the plain white-painted walls. A row of them rested atop a work bench which spanned the length of the room. These had been painted a bleached white, and Indian-style designs had been rendered on the foreheads, feathers hung from rawhide thongs around the horns. “An assembly line over here, huh?” I said.
“She wanted me to pick those up,” David said reluctantly. “But she wanted you to have the others.”
“Oh, great.” I had moved to one side wall to examine a trio of hanging skulls, these far more unique and interesting than those made for David’s shop. One, horns and all, had been painted sky blue with fleecy clouds seeming to drift across it. Another was fire-engine red, and looked like something a Satanic cult might have ordered. Beside that, more disturbing, was a skull painted carefully to look like it still had skin on it—and a hide. The texture of hair was meticulous, and reminded me what a fine painter Mother had been, though she had apparently given that up as a means of expression in itself long before. Glass balls—Christmas bulbs?—had been glued into the eye sockets and painted with glossy paint to look like real eyes. They did, except that at some point one of them had shattered and the jagged shards of the glistening eyeball were grotesque. A fanged mouth for an eye.
“Your father always accused Annie of emulating Georgia O’Keefe too much. She did love her work, but Annie was her own artist with her own vision. Your father should have tried to understand her.”
I turned from the skulls to give him a look. “My mother cheated on my dad, you know. A lot. With his best friend. With his boss. Everyone where he worked knew it. Mother had a lot of problems, David.”
“I’m sorry, Jack…I know that. But she wasn’t evil. She never meant to harm you or your father. She only meant to harm herself.”
I didn’t pursue any more of David’s insights into my mother’s secret heart just then. I guess I wasn’t ready to dive into her life so fully yet; I wanted to test the waters carefully. Through her art seemed a good beginning. I found a scrapbook in a bureau in a corner of the studio and David came over when he saw what I’d discovered. Photographs, black and white enlargements, each filling one page. Mother had experimented in many mediums, as if in a desperate search for the right voice with which to express her soul. Had they all failed to release the demons inside her?
“Yew!” I said, in disgust. “She was certainly into cows, huh? Even rotting ones.”
“I know, but they’re almost beautiful, the way she shot them, aren’t they? The time of day, the light, the textures? I think she wanted to show that anything can be made to look beautiful.”
“As long as you can’t smell it, I guess.”
“And do you know what they are? These are some of those cows that are found killed mysteriously…the ones people think UFOs are experimenting on. Or Satanic cults are sacrificing.”
“Or Elvis is eating.”
David giggled and elbowed me. “I think the spooky stories were what compelled your mother most. She showed these once in a little gallery on Newbury Street, in Boston. They were received fairly well; the reviews are in another scrapbook. This was the last stuff she did out West, she said. She came back here right after.”
“Maybe she got too scared, huh? Maybe she was…
“Maybe Annie was doing it. Maybe she was a cow vampire, and fled back East when the Animal Rights people got on her trail.”
“I think that’s it. Mystery solved.”
* * *
David went home, taking all of his inheritance that he could carry in one load with him, leaving me to explore more minutely by myself. I remained in the studio to do this, my mother’s personality so ingrained here—if abstracted and in need of interpretation. I was almost jealous, resentful, that David knew her better than I. Though he could have been enlightening to me as I continued to explore, I was glad for the privacy. It had become so late in the day and so much darker that I finally put on one lamp and set it on the floor with me as I went through the packed lower drawers of the large bureau I had found the scrapbook in. After several hours of this the bones of my ass seemed ready to stab through my buttocks so I got up to stretch. It was night.
As I contemplated coffee my eyes fell on a closet I had dismissed earlier. Now I idly strolled to it, and slid it open.
Musty gloom. Paint-spattered smocks on hangers, some old coats. Boxes of books and newspapers stacked up. One box with its flaps closed. I reached to drag it out, expecting heaviness. It wasn’t filled with books; it slid out much too easily. I unfolded the flaps.
There was another steer skull in the box.
There was nothing painted on the forehead, but rather something glued to it. Interesting. A kind of mixed-media sculpture? I carried the thing to the lamp and hunched down close to its intimate ruddy glow.
It wasn’t glued to the forehead, either, but embedded in it. Almost in the center, like a black glassy third eye. Spherical, with subtle grooves, curves and figures inscribed in it, apparently as designs. Lightly I brushed my fingers over the surface. I turned the skull over in my hands and peered inside it through the sharp-edged holes underneath. With the eye holes, nasal channel, and huge molars on the underside it looked like another face in itself, hidden inside a cow’s outer face. Through one eye socket I could see splintered breakage where the sphere had been driven straight through. Had Mother hammered the object into this skull?
I’d have to ask David about it; right now I needed that coffee. Much too early to retire just yet. I set the skull with the third eye down on the work bench, shut off the lamp, and closed the studio door behind me.
* * *
What was that commercial for, skin cream? Moisturizing lotion? And how often was it that the commercial said we shed half a million dead skin cells…every thirty seconds? Every second? A lot, fast, in any case. Good thing they regenerate or we’d just crumble away to dust, I thought. I remembered hearing, also, that much of the dust in homes—most of it?—consisted of these shed scales. And we inhaled this scurf, it settled in our food.
The dust was thick in my mother’s bedroom. She was no great housekeeper…but then, to be fair, she’d been very sick toward the end. Here she had lain wasting away, crumbling. She was, in effect, all around me as if her cremated ashes had been scattered like powder across the bureau, the book shelves, the mirror and window sills. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Back to senseless matter. I ran my finger through the dust on the bureau top, rubbed it between my fingers. A shudder went through me, and I wiped my hand on my jeans.
There was a nice smell in the bedroom, despite the dust. A light perfume, not cloying. Delicate, feminine, appealing. But the dust. It was almost as if I were afraid that by ingesting it I would be infecting myself with my mother’s cancer, latent in those flakes of cell matter. Or that, by inhaling the dust, I would be cannibalizing her.
I would have to dust in here, vacuum, but not tonight. And I would not sleep in here tonight, either. I went to the smaller guest room instead.
* * *
I was awakened by the smell of cigarette smoke.
For a moment I lay totally disoriented in the alien bed; it was almost a kind of startled, momentary panic. I had not yet moved in, really, had brought virtually none of my things from my apartment, and I figured I had freaked myself out by jumping into this.
The house’s burnt-in layer of cigarette stink was so much stronger this morning, sharp and immediate. I almost expected to find David in the house, but then I realized I had never seen him smoke. Leaving the guest room, I followed the smell to where it was strongest: my mother’s bedroom. Very concentrated there, much more so than I remembered it from the previous night, but I assumed that I must have become used to the smell after being in the house for so many hours, and waking up fresh to the odor had made it seem distinct again.
I stretched; my neck hurt from sleeping tense in that strange bed. Idly, I slid open the top drawer of my mother’s bureau. Underwear, in soft colors, both cotton and silky. The silky surprised me a little and I shut the drawer, embarrassed, opened another more toward the bottom.
I found several photo albums, and sat on the edge of the bed to open one of them in my lap.
Cracked photos of my mother as a little girl; those unsettling cat-direct eyes were unmistakable, and even more weird in a child. There were pictures of Mother with her parents. Her mother looked nothing like her but my grandfather was, as Dad had told me, tall and slender. In fact, I could see myself in him. I am tall and slim like he was…like my mother was.
Grandfather had been an alcoholic…and Dad had told me, a nasty one. He had beat his daughter, my small empty-faced grandmother obviously not stepping in for fear of similar treatment. I resented the woman for it, looking at her, but I thought I could actually see the fear in Grandmother’s eyes, in her shy smiles, and then I felt sorry for her.
It wasn’t hard to understand my mother after all, was it? Seeing her father’s dry, hard face brought it home to me. He had made his daughter like him. An alcoholic, filled with destructive anger. But where he had turned it outward, she had turned it inward. Maybe that was why she had let me go, and the thought felt so
Insanity is inherited in families like houses are. Not in the same way tallness is, but passed on nonetheless. She had wanted to remove me from that chain. And seeing how much I looked like her father, I was glad she had. It made me oddly afraid of myself for several moments, and I turned far ahead in the book.
Mother was in her late teens now, and her beauty dazzled me. I was really rooted there gaping. She sat in a low-cut black dress with some horny-looking side of beef in a soldier’s uniform at a club somewhere. Those eyes stared right into me, even at that moment, through decades. They
The erection pressing against the spine of the album seemed to prod me out of a dream and I snapped the book shut, stood up from the bed abruptly. As I reached to place the book atop the bureau, I noticed an odd thing.
The bureau top was glossy and clean in the pale morning light. Last night the dust had been thick upon it; I had run my finger through it. I traced my finger along the bureau top now. Nothing. I turned to the mirror, previously filmed, then to a lamp shade that had looked cloaked in dust. Everything appeared clean. Had David or someone been in here after all, tidying up for my benefit? Maybe I had done it in my sleep. Right; and I had smoked while I did it, too. But I didn’t smoke, just like I didn’t drink. Bad habits of times past, that I had made it a point never to indulge in.
Maybe I had been mistaken about the dust last night. The light was different in quality now; the room had a different character. A bit, anyway. Maybe a breeze had flowed in from somewhere and blown the dust away.
Or maybe I was going insane.
* * *
When I left work that evening, I stopped at my apartment first to pick up a few things before proceeding on to Eastborough. At my mother’s house I made myself an early supper, afterwards deciding to go back to sorting through the art studio.
As soon as I had reached in and hit the light switch I saw the skull, and saw that it had changed.
It was the steer skull with the spherical object jammed into its forehead, and it was still on the work bench where I had left it…but it was not
I came into the room to look at it. I didn’t, however, touch it.
The horns had grown, there was no doubt. There had been nothing glued on, or slipped over the stumps. The stumps wed smoothly into these new projections. They were much like a stag’s antlers, branching out into sharp curved fingers of bone. Also, I noticed in my dazed bewilderment, two projections had grown out from under the eye sockets, like a misplaced lesser set of antlers just coming in.
What in the name of God had Mother found out there in the desert? And what had I done to activate it? Left it on the table where a little sunlight had got onto it? I had touched the sphere last night. Had that done it?
I looked about me. David had taken his row of skulls but I moved to those others on the walls. Yes…they had been affected also. Not so profoundly, but a skull coated in glossy black with a purple vaginal flower painted on its forehead had begun to sprout thick ridges around the eye sockets—this growth cracking the paint. The white bone beneath showed through the gaps. And the skull tiled in turquoise: thick bony swelling in several areas had pushed the pebbles away from each other so that spaces showed between, and a number of stones had dropped to the floor.
I smelled cigarette smoke a half-second before I heard the voice behind me.
“My art seems to have a mind of its own.”
I wheeled around. I think I gasped comically.
A woman in a bathrobe leaned languidly in the threshold to the studio, her face in shadow. A cigarette head glowed orange as she inhaled with a crackle. When she drew the cigarette from her lips, she flopped her wrist back like one who pretends to smoke.
“Jesus Christ!” I bellowed. “Jesus Christ!” And I backed into the room until I nearly fell atop the work bench.
The woman stepped casually into the room. Into the lamp glow. I had expected gray hair, sagging flesh. But this woman was beautiful, maybe a few to five years older than my thirty. A sly cat smile, then smoke blowing out of gently puckered lips. And through the smoke, those
“Jesus Christ,” my mother repeated amusedly. “Hm. Well…Lazarus, maybe.”
I had never fainted in my life. I had never come close to fainting. I have never known a man who has fainted. But I fainted.
* * *
Perhaps it was she who willed me to faint. Hypnotized me with those eyes. And, now, had awakened me with them; for they hovered just above me when I opened my own.
She sat back a bit, smiling down at me. Mother’s hair was shortish and nearly black, just barely starting to thread with white, brushed back from her forehead. Her eyebrows were tweezed somewhat thin, but not overly so. She was just beginning to get bags under her eyes, and light crow’s feet, but these and the white threads gave her a handsome character. Her nose was long but in proportion to her longish face, her chin tapering to a point. Her lips were full and a dark pink against her white flesh.
They say you can’t tell that a person is disturbed, insane, dangerous simply by looking at them, but I think you can. When you see photos of serial killers, for instance, there is always something off in their faces—even in a good-looking man like Ted Bundy. There was something off in my mother’s light green eyes. Something mad. And mixed with that, there was pain. It was so obvious, so strong, it made me marvel to think Mother had survived another twenty years beyond this age. If I had blocked her smile with my hand the pain in her eyes would have been much more evident, but it was evident enough.
But I couldn’t block her smile with my hand, because I couldn’t move either hand. My wrists were bound to the posts framing the headboard of Mother’s bed.
I couldn’t see behind her just yet, but my ankles were obviously bound also. Together. Later I would see that a nylon cord around them extended across the room to the door knob. But I couldn’t see past Mother just yet, and I couldn’t move my lower body either, because she was sitting on top of me, astride my body, and Mother was completely naked.
Now that I was awake she began to rock back and forth on me, gently, as if in a rocking chair.
“Hi, Jacky,” she breathed both tenderly and seductively.
“Are you a ghost?” I managed. I was on the verge of tears from terror and from a boiling cloud of emotions too confused and immense for me to articulate today, let alone grasp at that moment.
“I suppose so. I think there are different kinds of ghosts, and some kinds might come into being this way. I know of at least one other.”
“Come into…being what way?”
Only a smile. Rocking. I was getting hard between her buttocks.
“Please…get off me,” I said in a watery voice.
“I don’t want to. And you don’t want me to, either.” She lifted a bit to slide her hand under her, and took hold of my erection. “Do you, Jacky?” It jerked in her fist as it flooded fully erect. She pointed it upwards and pushed its tip inside her. I cried out, raised my head to look. There was some resistance but when she withdrew and then pushed down on it again her lubrication guided me wholly inside in one smooth gulp; as if I had skewered her straight into the guts, it felt so deep. Her black wiry hair ground down against mine, and she let out a long moan like the warning growl of an animal.
I was in tears now, sobbing harshly, bucking. “Please! Please don’t…”
“Shh. Every boy wants this. No one is here to see. Every boy wants to go back to the womb.” Mother undulated her body on me, then bent forward low so that her small breasts hung down to point in my face, so white, the dark nipples just barely brushing my skin. One of them trailed through a tear. “Take it, Jack.” I blubbered and shook my head. “You want it. Taste it.”
I barked a loud sob. Even as I lifted my head again to suck the nipple into my mouth. And then I was licking it, sucking as much of the breast into my mouth as I could, tears coursing down my face and neck, lightly chewing on the tough nipple, switching hungrily to the other one and wanting to draw the whole breast into my mouth I was so ravenous and wishing I had my hands free and unexpectedly I came, arching my back, grunting loudly. She was hot inside and my sperm was hotter. I felt it shoot deep, as if falling away into another, infinite dimension hidden inside her. Then I fell back and only cried some more, turning my face away with eyes tightly shut. She would be gone when I opened them. She was only a dream.
But her voice sounded above me, as if to soothe my nightmares. “Shh, it’s all right. We have all night. We have as much time as you want with me.”
She leaned off me enough for me to slip wetly out of her, and I looked. She had taken a knife from the bedside table. Alarm flushed through me; it was some kind of buck knife, cruel-looking. But she unstraddled me and sat on the side of the bed to saw at the cord binding my feet to the door knob. It didn’t take much; the blade was so sharp. I watched the muscles shift slightly in her back as she worked, a beautiful white expanse of skin. There was a small brown mole on her back. A ghost with shifting muscles, a mole on its back. A wet vagina, and breasts that tasted of musky flesh…
Turning her head to smile at me over her shoulder, her hair in sexy disarray around her face, Mother said, “I didn’t mean to scare you this way, darling, but if I didn’t tie you up you would have run away before I could convince you to stay.”
She ran the flat of the blade over my thighs. I was careful not to move. “Next time you can tie
And I did.
* * *
For three days I called in sick at work. I think I told them I had a sinus infection.
We dragged the mattress off her bed and into the studio. We kept the shades down in the day. On the bare mattress we tangled like wrestlers, grinding the bones of our thin bodies together. I buried my face in the shadow of hair between her legs, so fervently that one might think I did indeed intend to crawl back into that place of my origin. I held her head down against my crotch, white-threaded black hair through my clenched fingers. She rode atop me and cried out in orgasm fiercely, digging claws into my breasts while jolts went through her entire frame. For a ghost, she definitely sweated. If she were only ectoplasm, then the reality of the entire universe was in question.
On the evening of our first day we lay together exhausted, not touching, chilly as the air cooled the sweat on our bodies. “How did you get here?” I asked her at last. Since the previous night, I hadn’t allowed myself to think clearly enough to vocalize anything other than gasps and groans.
“You wished me here. You rubbed the magic lamp, honey.”
“That ball. In the skull. I touched it…”
“It was your thoughts more than your touch.”
“So you’re an illusion the ball is making?”
“No. It remade me. It cloned me from what it could gather of me.”
God—I realized it. The dust. Skin cells…
“But what is it? Where’s it from?”
“I don’t know everything, but it’s a probe. It launched with a crew aboard it. They were just a few scraps of tissue that were to be automatically cloned when they reached their destination. Perhaps they were, and are out in the world somewhere. Perhaps they’re still trapped inside. But their computer resurrected me. It’s screwed up and thinks it’s doing its job. All this I know intuitively”
“And did you know this when you found it, or only since it remade you?”
“I’d seen it do this before, with someone else, seven years ago. Out West. Just from a hair between the pages of an old book. So I began to understand it then, and I know more now. But that’s all I know.”
“Why are you this age, though? Not fifty-five?”
My mother smiled, reached lazily to stroke my hair. “This is the age you best remember. You were ten. You thought I was beautiful. And you were looking at pictures of me the other day. You remembered me this way, very strongly. You brought me back. Your love. And your lust.”
“I never lusted for you.”
“Boys learn to love by lusting for their mothers; it’s the natural process.”
I sat up. “Bullshit. I missed you as my
I gazed around the studio. Our loyal audience of death’s heads, those empty-eyed voyeurs. The transformation of the skulls was continuing. All had antlers like branches, gnarled and spreading, a bare birch forest ringing us. Four sets of antlers had grown from the skull with the sphere, these arms reaching the ceiling and spreading to either side impossibly. The cow’s own eye sockets had filled up with bone, leaving only that black cyclopean orb.
Mother gently took my arm, pulled me back down beside her. And we barely left the room for the two days that followed.
On the morning of the fourth day I awoke to see that the branches of the skulls surrounding us had reached and fused with each other, created a jagged white nest around us. Or a barrier, trapping us together. Digits of bone had stabbed into the plaster of ceiling and walls. It was as though we were hidden in the heart of some coral reef. Swallowed in some great skeleton. Would the ring close in on us, until at last we truly were trapped? Until we were crushed, ground in those white fangs?
Mother slept. My stomach grumbled hungrily but I ignored it. Sitting cross-legged, I pulled toward me a stack of scrapbooks I had been meaning to page through. More of Mother’s art photographs.
In the last book I found a series of enlargements that stunned me. They were of Mother naked…but older, in her late forties I guessed. Gray hair. Ass widening and breasts sagging. She was bound and gagged in one shot, sodomized in another. Her male partner in these photos was a man about her age, gray- haired, tall and lean and…and with horror, I realized it was my grandfather. My grandfather, in his forties, having sex with his daughter, in her forties…
She had told me that she had seen the sphere at work before. Seven years ago, out West. Another ghost like her. Her father…as she best remembered him. As she had subconsciously called him back. And now I understood my grandfather. I understood my mother. Even as I felt sick, I pitied her. And I pitied myself, in turn.
But it didn’t stop me from doing to her what grandfather had done, when she awakened…
Mother straddled me again; she liked that control of movement. But she also liked submission; just before this, she’d had me tie her and spank her bottom until it glowed. She rocked atop me now, green eyes drugged in her intensity.
“You missed me, darling. You gave me life as I gave you life. We understand each other. We’re alike. No one else understands us. We need each other. Don’t ever leave me, darling, I missed you, I missed you, I love you, oh fuck me, darling, fuck me…”
Mother leaned her breasts down to dangle in my face. Thinking this was her intention, I sucked at them, but she sat back up and I saw the buck knife in her fist. And I realized she meant to use it.
“No!” I blurted, thinking she intended to kill me; that I might be resurrected and be all the more like her.
Mother plunged the knife down into her own side and cried out as if in orgasm. Blood spattered my belly, then began to flow hot down her body—down mine.
“Fuck me, darling, cut me, fuck me, please…”
“Oh God!”
She raised herself off my erection, took hold of it, and guided me into her incision. She bore her weight down and I slid inside easily amid the lubrication of blood. Her guts were hot in there.
She pushed the knife into my hand. I tried to hurl it away but she closed her fist around mine. She was strong, or I was weak, and she made me thrust the blade into her navel. “Cut me, darling, hurt me, love me, please…” She was sobbing hysterically. Maybe it hurt, or maybe it was the madness. I was sobbing, and now vomiting. I wrestled with her, both of us so slick it would have been hard for another to know which of us had been stabbed. I managed to roll her onto her back and began to slide out of her but she pulled me atop her, legs clinched around me. She inserted me into the second incision. I could barely get in against the push of her intestines, which began to emerge like a blue baby crowning, but I made it, to the hilt, my penis a knife, and I realized then that I had fought to bury my penis in that wound—that she no longer had to force me…
She fellated me through a hole in her cheek. The first wound had healed without leaving a scar, the second was mostly healed, but I made new vaginas. One in her thigh so I could rub up against the bone within. The mattress was awash in blood, a pool in its center. The room smelled like a slaughterhouse must. There was vomit, and a heap of intestines but apparently she regenerated new ones inside, apparently she was immortal, and I heard the creak of the skulls around us as the bone Eden grew more lush.
“Slut!” a voice behind us raged. “God-damn whore!”
I whipped my head around. A man had come into the studio and he smashed himself a path through the bone foliage with his arms, unmindful of the lacerations the jagged branches tore in his flesh. He was naked, and his face was flushed red in fury, and I saw it was my grandfather.
“Bitch! Cheat on me, will you? Run from me, will you? Thought you could hide from me?”
Mother slipped out from under me, and I saw her face was slack with utter terror. All the cat-like confidence had fled her eyes, leaving only that fear I had seen ingrained in them. Hers was the face of a child, helpless to defend itself.
I rose with the knife as Grandfather made it through the barrier. He caught my lunge and swung me aside. He had meant for me to fall into the waiting talons of bone, to become impaled, but I caught myself and only gashed my shoulder.
“No, please, Daddy, please!” Mother wailed.
I tackled Grandfather from behind, reaching around to slam the blade of the buck knife into his chest as I did so. He only grunted, and flipped me off him onto my back. He grunted again as he yanked the knife out of him, and grinned down at me.
“You’ll pay for that one, boy.”
I saw Mother look to the doorway abruptly. Grandfather looked. I looked. A small woman had entered the room through the path Grandfather had smashed. She was naked, and about the age she had been in most of the pictures I had seen of her in the photo album that first night. It was my grandmother.
“Liz!” Grandfather hissed, as surprised as I was.
“Go back, John,” she said quietly.
“No! You go away!”
“I should have stopped you long ago, John. God forgive me…”
Grandmother came forward. Her husband swung the knife threateningly her way. Mother moaned fatalistically. Grandmother moved swiftly past her husband toward the work bench. We all understood what she was reaching for, and as Grandfather lunged to intercept her I tackled him yet again; around the legs this time. He almost fell, pin-wheeled his arms…
I didn’t see what Grandmother with her dead, empty face did when she reached that skull with the sphere in its forehead. I couldn’t see her around Grandfather’s legs. But I knew she had done something when the legs I held became weirdly soft, and then insubstantial…smoke in my embrace. Dust. I began to inhale it, choked, held my breath. The buck knife had dropped to the floor.
I pushed myself up on my hands and knees, facing toward Mother.
Where I had last seen her—cowering on the drenched mattress, that terror in her face—a cloud of dust now hung in the air. For a moment only it held a human outline, as if struggling to retain its integrity, a tormented figure of ash. I thought I saw its eyes, somehow, and I did see an arm. A hand, reaching out to me.
But then the cloud billowed outward, lost its form, swirled and dispersed and settled. Settled around me, on the floor, on the work bench, on the window sill. A sliver of sun showed around the window shade, and motes danced golden in its beam.
I wept. I glanced around me. Grandfather was gone. Grandmother had vanished. Already I heard the cracking and splintering of the bone orchard, as chunks began to break free and drop to the floor.
But the growths weren’t simply crumbling, I saw; they were undergoing some new metamorphosis. I saw a skull begin to climb down the wall off its hook. Its antlers moved stiffly like the legs of some great arthritic spider. It was the skull painted to look like it was covered in flesh and hair. But no, it wasn’t that one. It
I ran out of the room then. I saw no more. I found my long forgotten clothing, and my car keys. I heard sounds from the studio, great crashings. I fled outside, into the light, into the fresh air. I had escaped…
I didn’t see what the neighbors saw. No one believed that I knew nothing about it, but no crime was really committed. A few lawns were damaged. I paid for that when I sold the cows.
How had a small herd of cattle been contained inside that house? I couldn’t explain it to the police. I professed not to know. Though Mother’s blood had simply disappeared from my skin, I had been afraid of what the police would find inside…but when at last I had the courage to return to the house, to the studio, I saw that the mattress was dry and unstained—just very dusty.
There were no cattle skulls left in the studio. I collected up the scrapbooks. I would burn the one with the pictures of Grandfather and my mother. And I would sell the house.
I viewed the penned animals once before I sold them. I looked closely at each one of them, felt their foreheads for hard lumps protruding. I found none. Perhaps one day these beasts will be found dead, mutilated, when the owners of the sphere come looking for it. But perhaps it’s already been restored to them.
I couldn’t help but wonder, however fancifully, if the skulls of those cattle were painted black, and red, and blue like a desert sky, under the layers of skin and hair.
I’m better now. Fewer nightmares. I can smile at the people I work with.
But Mother was right, after all; your relationship with your parents does shape how you learn to love, and lust.
I don’t think I can ever have sex with a woman again.
Ouroborus
The roots of great trees had burrowed through the ceiling over many years, growing ever downward and piercing into the floor as well. Into the walls, too…squeezing between mortared stones, the larger roots even nudging blocks out of their sockets so that they had fallen to the endless Tunnel’s floor here and there. Some of these roots were as big around as trees themselves. Noon marveled, because he estimated this stretch of the Tunnel was hundreds of feet below the surface. Not only that, but by his estimation the surface in this region was now a blasted desert devoid of any life. The forest that had once covered this area should be decades extinct. Maybe the trees were indeed gone, but their roots continued to dig blindly deeper and deeper, as if to one day sip the very magma from the planet’s core. These roots still alive like nerves after a tooth is extracted. Refusing to die, determined to survive at any cost, but without quite realizing why they should do so. Just like Noon.
This spider-webbed lattice, this living weave, became so tight in spots that Noon could barely squeeze himself through it. He didn’t want to draw his machete and hack at the roots, because he didn’t want to leave a trail the Foeti could easily follow. Yet who was he deceiving, in that concern, but himself? Though the floor of the Tunnel here was of uneven flagstones, not dirt as it had been some miles back, he knew he was leaving plenty of signs of his passage for the Foeti and other denizens of the Tunnel to follow. The Foeti might not possess the sense of smell, but it/they could see clearly enough—just as other entities might not have the sense of sight, but could sniff the blood in his veins from a mile away.
It was difficult to tell how far behind him the Foeti was/were. The Tunnel made its/their cries echo and distort. It/they might be lost way back in the steam as black as squid’s ink which he had groped his way through an hour ago, or as close as the beginning of the root forest. Its/their wails sounded like a nursery of newborn infants drowning at the bottom of the sea.
Though the wails sounded like multiple creatures to him now—and on a few occasions he had injured the/a Foeti so badly that he was sure it would die of its wounds—he was not certain if there were many of them, or only a single individual. His opinion on the subject changed from day to day, from hour to hour.
In any case—and fortunately for him—even if the Foeti was/were fairly near, the tangled roots were too dense to see through very deeply…and though there were bare light bulbs hanging from the low ceiling, they were spaced far apart so that the gaps between their pools of light offered brief shelters of darkness. He only hoped that nothing hostile was lying in wait for him in one of these intervals of darkness. The bulbs rested against the roots here and there, and their heat had scorched them black in spots though they hadn’t caught fire. Fire was perhaps Noon’s worst fear. If he ever came to a place in the Tunnel that was filled with flame, he would have to wait for the fire to die down before he could proceed. In that time, the Foeti might catch up to him. And if the fire was of a kind that would never die away, then he would have to turn back. That was simply impossible to contemplate. In all this time of running through the Tunnel, he had not once turned back.
He estimated that he had been running for a year, at least…ever since he had fallen through the hole in the rotted floor of his moldering house in the old, old city—waking from unconsciousness to find himself in the Tunnel. The ceiling far above him, with just a dim bluish light showing him the hole his weight had broken open, so high and out of reach. Luckily, the floor of the Tunnel had been of a thick black soil in that section (churned up by a seething population of nightcrawlers), and it had broken his fall.
The walls of that section were also of wood, and Noon had been attempting to climb back up, digging torn fingers and toes between the rough boards to find purchase, when the Foeti had lunged out of the shadows for the first time—its hairless head disproportionately immense, its naked body undeveloped, like an embryo as big as he was. He had dropped down from the wall and begun running, then. He had been running ever since. Sleeping when it was moderately safe enough to risk it. Eating what edible plants, mostly fungus, he could harvest, and whatever edible animals he could kill. Drinking water that trickled down tiled walls, or that pooled here and there, or that flooded whole areas of the Tunnel he had to wade through. When he couldn’t run, he dragged himself along. He had even crawled on all fours.
In some places he had found doors blocking his way. Doors of decomposing gray-green wood. Doors of metal almost lost under incrustations of red rust or green verdigris. To his infinite relief on each occasion, he had not yet encountered a locked door. But he had done his best to barricade them once he was on the other side. Several times, in narrow parts of the Tunnel, he had even constructed and barricaded his own doors to impede, if not halt, the progress of the Foeti. Of course, elsewhere the Tunnel was so impossibly wide that he couldn’t see its sides, let alone create a door to block it. Only a few miles back, in fact, he had encountered one such region of the Tunnel, its walls lost in gloom but the ceiling so low he had needed to tuck in his head to avoid bumping it against a smooth surface apparently made of thick black (perhaps volcanic) glass.
Over the months, this subterranean and stressful existence had taken its toll on him. His hair, formerly long and worn in a queue tied with a black ribbon, had begun to come out in stringy handfuls. He had lost weight, his skeletal condition impossible to ignore as his clothing tattered away until all he wore now were a pair of ragged trousers cut off at the knees. Worst of all were the headaches, so severe at times that he wanted nothing more than to stop running, running, running, to just drop down and curl in a fetal position and wait for his enemy to overtake him at last…to deliver him from his torment. His skull seemed to be literally and steadily ballooning with his pain, as though filling up with infected pus…
The forest of roots was so dense that when Noon suddenly emerged from it he was surprised, shaken out of his numb, robotic reverie—not having seen its terminus approaching. Ahead of him loomed a great staircase, the ceiling sloping up at a steep angle, vanishing into a murk no longer illuminated by dangling light bulbs. Straightening up, Noon moved close to the bottom step. He prodded it with his toe, and reached out to run his hand over a black-painted wall with a crinkled texture. His suspicions about the surface of the staircase, walls, and the angled ceiling were confirmed when he tore free a little tab of the black material to reveal words beneath it, printed in a small type, black against white. Newspaper. The walls, ceiling and the stairs themselves were composed of papier-mache, covered over with a glossy black paint.
Were the stairs nothing more than glued paper, then? Would they support his weight? As he tested his foot on the first step, he realized there were odd symbols marked on it in a dark but flourescent purple paint. More symbols, but different, on the second step. And so on, these characters varying on each. Did they tell a saga? Some parable? But if so, was this story to be read from the bottom to the top of the staircase, or from the top to the bottom? Or might it be read either way?
Noon had taken only three wary steps up the flight of paper or paper-coated stairs when a/the Foeti burst directly through the wall at the foot of the staircase. The thickly-painted papier-mache there had flimsily covered over and hidden a doorway in the true wall beneath.
Noon then began racing up the steps as fast as his legs could propel him, terrified to have his foe so close at his heels in so unexpected a manner. He could no longer be timid about the staircase’s sturdiness. But he needn’t have worried, as it turned out, about the staircase supporting him or the Foeti catching him—just yet, at least. After several moments, he realized the Foeti was not pursuing him up the steps, and after a few moments more, he reined in enough fear that he was able to stop and look back down the way he had come.
There had to be more than one Foeti, he decided (again). The first one that had attacked him had been entirely bald. This one had long cobwebs of hair hanging over its face, through which its lidless black eyes glared. And whereas the first ones he had encountered had always been crawling rapidly on all fours, lately the ones in this vicinity seemed to spend more time scurrying along on their hind legs, bent under the weight of huge heads which were still not as huge as the heads of the first Foeti he had known. This one even wore primitive, torn clothing.
The wild-haired Foeti had not advanced up even one of the steps, paced back and forth at their foot, emitting terrible cries of frustration. Was the thing concerned that the steps might cave in under its weight? No…Noon understood what the problem was. The symbols on the steps. The Foeti was afraid of them. This was confirmed when he saw the Foeti lash out, dig its nails into the bottom step and tear away a strip of the papier-mache as he himself had done. It flicked the shred away, and tore another free. Then, it began flailing madly with both of its thin but powerful forelimbs.
Even if it should strip all the symbols from the bottom step (and now Noon saw that a concrete staircase lay beneath the paper facade), there was still the step above that, and the step above that. Assuming that the messages or spells written on them were all equally powerful, all equally frightening to the Foeti. But whether the Foeti should be delayed for minutes or for a day, Noon didn’t linger to waste any more of this precious time. Turning forward again, he continued mounting the increasingly shadowy staircase.
As he ascended, it appeared to him that the purple symbols became more vivid. And soon enough, as the last of the light bulb illumination below him receded (and the Foeti was swallowed up in the dimness, apparently having only gained a handful of steps), the symbols actually began to glow in the darkness. It helped him know where to plant his feet, though the luminosity was far too feeble to show him how much higher the flight of steps would lead him.
In spots here and there, the glossy black paint had been chipped or torn by the passage of creatures not impeded like the Foeti, maybe curious like himself about what lay beneath. The layers of glued newspaper revealed by these wounds shone white against the blackness, but it was still difficult for Noon to make out the letters on them in the scant light from the purple-painted runes. Leaning his face close to one torn patch, he thought he made out the words “impregnated” and “stillborn”, the rest too smeared and blurred with hardened paste. In a smaller wound, in a sans serif type, there was just the word “our”. A few steps higher, another little tear (or maybe just a spot carelessly missed in the painting, since it lay like a shadow directly beneath a high ridge in the wrinkly surface) showed only the letters “roborus”, in a more elegant type style—though Noon didn’t know whether that was the start, middle, or end of a word.
Ahead of him, he began to make out a haze of dim light. Around this time, after it seemed he had been ascending the stairs for close to an hour, he also started to notice that the steps were marred in more than just little nicks and peeled strips. The papier-mache was warped, buckled, as if its paste had become fluid again, bubbled and then rehardened. Greater sections of the painted skin had split and pulled away from each other. As he climbed yet higher, he saw more and more damage until whole large areas of the papier-mache had become damp and sloughed away from the concrete steps beneath, only to resolidify again. The purple characters (less and less luminous the nearer he came to that pale light) were cracked, distorted, or missing altogether.
At last, he stepped up into the light. Here, the staircase and the painted papier-mache ended. The walls, floor and ceiling of the Tunnel were again of mortared stone. The new light was of an intoxicating, unmistakable quality…a kind of light he hadn’t seen in perhaps a year.
It was sunlight.
And with it, even more intoxicating, the smell of fresh air. Vegetation warmed by a summer sun. There could no longer be a mere desert above him. The sunlight and fresh air came from four evenly spaced windows in the ceiling over his head, just out of reach of his outstretched arms when he tried to jump to touch them. These open windows were covered with heavy iron bars, too close together for him to squeeze through even if he could spring high enough to grab hold of them, but they permitted the sun’s gold (late afternoon, early morning?) light to filter through, a sweet-smelling breeze to waft between. And now he knew that it was intermittent rain coming into the Tunnel through these openings, and trickling down the stairs, that had caused the damage to the papier-mache, returning it to the formless mush it had started out as.
Scanning around him for some forgotten tool or other item with which to pry loose the bars from one of the windows (should he even be able to climb up the blocks of the wall to reach them), Noon glanced back the way he had come. He heard one eerie, far-off wail from the pursuing lone Foeti, like the shriek of a hawk. There were no bird cries outside the four rectangular openings in the roof, but he did think he heard the
His eyes were drawn back to the damaged papier-mache of the staircase he had mounted. The improved light made the newspapers it was composed of more legible. He saw part of a birth announcement page here, a column of obituaries there. One portion of the ruined top step in particular drew him closer. He crouched, cocked his head to examine it, at last broke that piece free in his hands to lift to his face.
It was not merely letters or words that showed on the newsprint, this time, but a halftone photograph of a house. Was it from a real estate page? Did it illustrate the scene of some crime? The caption was partially torn away, revealing only the words: “…in the house at 101 Ada Street.”
However truncated, the caption made Noon’s heart spasm. Even before he had read it, he had thought the house resembled his own ancient domicile…through whose moldering floor he had plummeted into this unsuspected underworld. The photograph seemed to portray his home back in some older time, perhaps, when its wood was sturdier, its paint not yet worn away. If not his home, one very much in the same style. But the fragment of caption spelled it out beyond any doubt. The address it gave was definitely his own.
His maple tree, growing so close to the house that its roots must have begun separating the very stones of the foundation, was missing from the picture, a mere sapling in its place. Was the picture so old that the sapling
A fresh headache was brewing like a storm in his poor stretched skull; he could ponder the photograph no longer, and slipped it into a pocket of his ragged trousers to examine again later on. For now, he wanted to concentrate on getting up to, and through, those metal bars over the four ceiling windows. He aligned himself directly below the first of the windows, and could hear more distinctly the sounds of insects in high, sun-yellowed summer grass. Bent blades of this grass even dangled down between the bars along the window’s edges. But as he stood there, inhaling, tilting his chin toward the fragrant air, a much cooler breeze washed over him. It was chilly, in fact, and caused him to look toward the windows spaced farther ahead. He found himself wandering forward.
Noon stopped below the next of the four windows. His battered shoes crunched in a scattered heap of brown, dead leaves. A few brighter, more recently fallen leaves lay amongst them. He knelt, picked one up, twirled it by its stem. It was a maple leaf, and it was in fiery shades of orange and yellow. As he gazed straight upward, Noon thought he could hear tree branches rustling. The air had taken on a subtly different fragrance, and it had grown cooler. As he faced above him, he saw a fresh leaf slip between the bars, and come spiraling lazily down like a stingray gliding through water. A fresh, red and gold leaf from a maple tree.
Another icy breeze rushed over him. It came from farther ahead, and Noon went onwards, the skin of his bare arms turning to gooseflesh.
He had taken only a few steps when he realized that the broad white blotch directly underneath this window was not sunlight on the floor. It was snow.
Noon stepped into the crunching patch of snow, and into a silvery shaft of light that was like a solid column of frozen air. Above him, he saw only a blank gray sky between the bars, but a few stray flakes found their way through, drifted down, one of them alighting on his forehead as if in a frail attempt to soothe the agony distending his cranium, undoing his skull’s sutures.
He knew what he would see next before he even walked over to the fourth window and raised his eyes toward it. Gilded dusk or dawn light beamed down, and the breeze was warmer and smelled of green growing things. Spring…
Had there been a fifth window, would it look out upon summer again? A sixth, autumn? And on…and on?
A slim arm thrust itself abruptly between the bars, its fingers grasping down at him futilely. Though it could not possibly have reached him, still Noon flinched violently. It looked like a woman’s arm. He had seen woman-like creatures in the Tunnel before, but this was
Something, an instinct, made Noon look behind him. He saw another arm straining down through the ice-encrusted bars of the third window. This arm, however, was little more than bones held together with frozen ligaments, blue tendons.
Beyond that, yet another arm reached down through the second window, causing brittle leaves to fall between the bars. This arm, it appeared from where he was standing, was horribly black and decomposed, its skin sloughing away. And further on, a fourth arm clutched at thin air, writhing madly like a snake that had been run over by an automobile, flipping impossibly in both directions at the elbow joint. This limb was discolored, beginning to rot, but not yet as corrupted as the one which caused autumn leaves to trickle down.
Each arm, despite its stage of decay, moved in an identical manner…right down to every jerk or twist of the wrist, every spider-like convulsion of the fingers…
And each hand wore an identical, thin gold wedding band, like the one his mother had inherited from her mother, and which had in turn been given to Noon to place on his own bride’s finger on their wedding day. But no daughter of hers would ever wear it, since his wife had expired (and her child along with her) during labor. She wore the ring still, in the velvet-lined jewelry box of her casket…
No—even if he could reach those high windows, Noon knew this was not a good place to escape to. If he should bellow for help, who knew what other terrors might join this/these clutching being/beings.
He continued on his way.
Soon, the varied shafts of sunlight were lost behind him, as were the sound of insects, the smell of autumn leaves and clean snow. Transient impressions, ephemeral, already mere wispy memories swallowed by darkness.
The Tunnel was now nothing but raw, dry earth beneath his feet, to either side and above, like the burrow of a giant animal or a titanic ant hill. For a time, he felt his way through absolute darkness. Something long and feathery—a centipede?—flowed across his hand as it moved along the dirt wall. But a suggestion of light showed ahead of him, and soon he no longer had to run his hand across the wall. The light grew…grew enough for him to see the changes that next shaped the character of the Tunnel.
The walls, ceiling, floor were still mostly of dirt, but not entirely. A section of the floor was covered with a long, irregular patch of faded linoleum which lay fairly flat across the hard-packed dirt. Its edges were broken, irregularly torn. The linoleum had repeating flowery patterns on it. Across the ceiling were scattered patches of white cork tiles, apparently anchored directly into the dirt. And on the earthen walls, again in patchy areas, were hung sheets of old wallpaper, buckling and water-stained, drooping over themselves…tacked directly into the earth without benefit of a wooden or plaster understructure.
A lamp with a crystal shade hung from the ceiling. Its wiring must have run straight into the dirt, as well. The dark spots in the bottom of the shade were doubtless insect carcasses. There were further signs that this part of the Tunnel had been adapted for habitation. Noon approached a table and set of chairs. There were three place settings; two for adults and a bowl for a child. The child’s chair was a high chair. Crusted bits of food—or were those desiccated insect carcasses as well?—lay scattered on the plates.
He walked on; it seemed like he was passing through a kitchen which some force had stretched out, elongated and attenuated. There was an old refrigerator, oddly standing directly in the center of the Tunnel, but when he opened it up—praying for sustenance—it was not cold inside and there were only bad-smelling smudges where maybe food had long ago moldered and liquified. Further along, he saw a kitchen sink with cabinets beneath it, pushed up against one dirt wall. He approached this, hoping that water pipes had been fed into the dirt the way the electrical wiring had been (he had encountered a second, shaded lamp depending from the ceiling).
The sink, he found, was full of water. And the faucets did work; both gave only cold water, but it tasted only slightly of rust and he eagerly cupped his hands under it, drank his fill and splashed handfuls of it across his face. His thirst slaked for the moment, he returned his attention to what he had initially seen inside the water-filled sink. At its bottom rested a rectangular wooden box with a sealed lid. Noon didn’t doubt that despite the lid, the submerged box must have become filled with water, soaking whatever the contents might be. He was curious enough to want to lift the box out of the sink and remove the lid…but at the same time, a great dread prevented him. The box put him too much in mind of a crude coffin. Of course, it was a coffin that could only accommodate the body of an infant, a newborn or a stillborn at that.
He glanced back over his shoulder at the kitchen table, the place setting for a child. He decided not to touch the box at all.
Under the sink, he found a glass pitcher with a plastic top such as juice or lemonade might be made in. He filled this with water, and then took it with him as he continued along.
Maybe it was the coldness of the water he had gulped down or splashed on his forehead, but his headache surged with unprecedented force, until he had to stagger against a wall for support and press the palm of his free hand against his temple. When his damp hand came away, it was matted thick with hair from his head.
Onward, he stumbled…ever onward. But finally he fell onto hands and knees, and he remained that way, crawling along slowly to conserve his strength, waiting for the pain to recede. Or would it recede? Could he, in fact, be dying?
He realized he had lost his machete somewhere behind him. He had found it almost a year ago, amongst a pile of rusting tools and machine parts, in a section of the Tunnel that had seemed to him like a mad factory half lost under dust and corrosion. He couldn’t tell exactly what the subterranean factory had been designed to produce, but it appeared to be simply heavy doughnuts made of metal. The factory had been long dead when he encountered it, and yet at that time he had heard a distant boom, boom, boom and metallic clank, clank, clank from deep behind the machines, behind the walls, from some engine that he never saw but which never stopped running. He imagined that sound in his skull now, the sound of his pain. Maybe the engine had been inside his skull all along.
He didn’t go back for the machete. In fact, he no longer had the water bottle in his hand either, but he kept crawling along on hands and feet, scurrying faster and faster to the throb inside his head…a mechanized rhythm that seemed to be unrolling, even manufacturing, the Tunnel ahead of him…as if nothing but oblivion existed ahead of him until mere seconds before his advance.
A heap of debris, at last, blocked his path. Boards, spiked with nails. A musty armchair. A carpet, impaled on some of the more jagged boards. There was no more electric light here, but a pale bluish glow leaked down from high above. Noon took in his surroundings more closely and noticed that the walls were no longer of packed dirt, were covered in boards instead. The floor itself was of a spongy, thick black soil that his hands sank in to their wrists. (A nightcrawler slithered over his fingers, unseen beneath the loam.) Finally, he lifted his agonized, tear-streaming eyes to the ceiling far above him.
The ceiling was of wood, with a broken hole through which that misty bluish light shone. He recognized the light. He realized he recognized the armchair and the carpet in the heap of debris that had fallen from above. They were articles from his own moldering home in the old, old city.
He had, at last, come around to the beginning of the Tunnel again.
A sound on the other side of the heap of debris caught his attention—a little groan, as of pain. Noon hunkered down lower to the ground, straining his hearing, but it was difficult to hear past the boom, boom, boom, clank, clank, clank. There truly seemed to be a whole factory crammed inside his skull, so terribly swollen and heavy did it feel. Something slithered down the back of his head, and then over his shoulder. He thought it was another centipede until he glanced quickly and saw a wispy hank of his own hair falling to the soil. As his hair was sliding away, so did his final rags of clothing seem to be drooping off of him. Impatiently, he clawed the last remnants away from his body.
Another groan, and through the tangle of boards he saw a figure rise up. It was the most human-looking Foeti he had seen yet. Its long hair was tied in back with a black ribbon, and it slapped the black soil off its full set of clothing. It seemed to be trying to get its bearings; looked up at that hole in the ceiling so far above. As Noon spied through the fallen debris, he saw the upright Foeti walk to the wooden wall, dig its fingers and toes between the warped old boards in an attempt to climb all the way up to that bluish light of freedom.
He must not let his enemy, his nemesis, escape. He must kill it before it killed him.
With a terrible cry that sounded inhuman even to himself, Noon lunged out of the shadows. The human-appearing Foeti dropped off the wooden wall, looked his way only for an instant, and then began running off down the Tunnel.
Noon chased after him. Pursued him. Running. And running and running.
Author’s Biography
JEFFREY THOMAS is the author of the novels
INNOVATING DARK FICTION
www.darkside-digital.com
Table of Contents
Rat King
Chapel
The Yellow House
Fallen
Mrs. Weekes
Psychometric Idol
Black Walls
John
Empathy
Mass Production
John Sadness
Thunderheads
Pale Fruit
Lost Alleys
The Red Spectacles
Gun Metal Blue
The Sister
Hapi Birthday
Family Matter
Dust
Ouroborus
Author’s Biography